'Crazy eyes' Hatch is in jail for tax evasion and perjury. He didn't pay taxes on the million bucks he won on Survivor in 2000, then he blatantly lied to judge and probation officials throughout his trial. Smart and classy. Hatch's overall idiocy earned him a 51 month sentence. Even though Dick still hasn't paid those fucking taxes, he has under a year left and is scheduled to be released into supervised custody on May 12th.
But . . . he still hasn't paid his fucking taxes!!!! (Can you smell our anger through the computer screen? It smells like diesel fuel with a dash of disgust.)
And, and, he'd like to serve the rest of his sentence in Argentina, if it pleases the court . . .
Hatch “wants to serve his time on supervised release in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and to be free to travel the world to make guest appearances on the popular reality show [Survivor].
Richard's husband lives in Buenos Aires, so naturally the American justice system should allow Hatch and Hubby's beachside reunion during his jail sentence. Because that seems fair. It's in the constitution, we think. Right to bear arms, right to tan during your prison term, and the right to appear on the Survivor reunion special anytime you please.
Really, truly, what the fuck? Hatch: You are a criminal. We repeat: CRIMINAL. You don't get to build sandcastles with your man while the rest of the criminals work on the chain gang. That's just not how it goes. Dwindling Reality Celebrity does not buy you a one way ticket out of state-side house arrest.
Also, now that your 15 minutes have officially expired, shouldn't you pay your taxes like the rest of the country? Nope, don't talk. That question was rhetorical. Shhhhh. Just pay your taxes.
(realityblurred.com)
Previously:
"Survivor" Richard Hatch Wants To Get Out Of Jail Free
"Survivor" The Theme Park Experience
Is "Survivor" Channeling "Girls Gone Wild" To Boost Ratings?