So much to talk about!
Before we begin, be warned: What follows is a SPOILERfest. So, if you can't take the SPOILER heat, get out of the SPOILING kitchen. If you're down to get SPOILED, or if you've already seen the Lost season finale, then by all means, let's do this.
First up? Jacob:
Jacob, Jacob, Jacob
We were sure that meeting Jake face to face would be like finally seeing the toothfairy and figuring out that it's just your moms nickle and diming you so she can collect a sack full of your baby teeth. Gross. Ask her, we bet your mom still has a little velveteen pouch full of your nasty little chompers somewhere in the attic next to a lock of hair and a rotting piece of macaroni art. Childhood is kind of disgusting, isn't it?
Anyway, we were sure that meeting Jacob would be just like that. Dissapointing and possibly gross. But we were actually totally jazzed about Mark Pellegrino (pictured above) as Jacob. The super reserved master of the island seemed omniscient, flawed, and hopeful about the ability of mankind to make good choices. We love that J touched the lives of all of the Oceanic six, but never gave a shit about Ben Linus until Ben, persuaded by Jacob's rival in the body of John Locke (oh we'll come back to this part, cause this part is goooooood), is about to kill him.
Ben asks Jacob why he was never chosen, what's so special about those assholes? What's so special about John mothereffing Locke? And Jake comes back with: what's so special about you, bitch? Well we added the bitch part, but it's implied.
Which leads us to J.Locke.
John, John, John.
John Locke is dead ya'll! Those weird statue followers from the Algiers flight have been carrying his body in a crate all over the island to show Richard Alpert. So if John is dead and gone, then who the fuck is wearing John's body suit? When we say body suit, we're not referring to John's Silence of the Lambs "it puts the lotion on it's skin" human suit, but rather John's flesh and blood likeness, with John's memories and creepy manerisms. A twisted afterdeath doppelganger, if you will. Who could put that kind of voodoo together?
Jacob's homeboy from waaaaay back in the day, that's who. Jacob calls him "Conrad," or "Comrade" or something. This guy has been wanting to kill Jacob since that big-assed three-toed ruin was a fully formed Egyptian statue, since before that ship "The Black Rock" wrecked on the island's shores. But Comrade needed to find some kind of homicidal loop-hole to kill Jacob. Apparently, the John Locke/Ben partnership was just the thing.
Conrad leverages Locke's authority and Ben's jealousy to persuade Ben to stab Jake. Which Ben does. Twice. In the chest. Then Connie kicks Jake into a fire pit where he is immediately engulfed in flames. Sad. We were so excited to get to know Jacob. Maybe the island will heal his third degree burns and gaping chest wounds? Anything's possible, right?
Now on to everybody's favorite pill-popping doctor.
Jack
Jack wants to undo history by blowing up Dharma's Swan Station, thereby avoiding the plane crash that started it all. Kate convinces Sawyer and Juliet (well, mainly Juliet) to get off their little submarine honeymoon and stop Jack. Sawyer tries to talk it out with Jack, explaining that undoing everything might not be the answer. Jack won't listen so they beat the living shit out of eachother til Juliet comes along and tells Sawyer that they've got to let Jack undo their past because she knows he's in love with Kate (shoot us in the face with all this Jack on Kate on Sawyer bullshit). So off Jack goes to drob a hydrogen bomb into the middle of the Swan Station.
A shoot out ensues, Jack drops the bomb. And . . . . It doesn't blow. Shit. So the magnetic energy that Dharma is drilling (smart Dharma, real good idea), begins to leak out and suck anything metal into the hole. Juliet is caught by flying chains and sucked down the chasm. Sawyer can't save her (Noooooooo, Blondie!!! Don't let go of my hand!, etc., etc. etc.). Juliet somehow survives the fall. She sees the undetonated bomb. And sets it off by hand.
Boom.
Fade to black.
We thouroghly enjoyed that. You?