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sex-advice-from-mathematicians

Julie, 40

I'm dating an older woman. I'm twenty-two and she's thirty-one. We have great chemistry, but she's worried about the age difference and thinks we should break up. But we always end up back in bed together. What should we do?
When a man says to a woman, "We should break up for both our long-term sakes," this means, "I don't want to have babies with you." When a woman says this to a man, it means, "I want to have babies, but not with you." You are twenty-two and have zero business having kids. You say you have great "chemistry" (hot sex) with this woman, but you don't say you're in love with her. Do her a favor, and let her go. Maybe you can be her tennis instructor or cabana boy once she realizes how utterly bored she is in five years.

My boyfriend and I go to different colleges. We've been dating for a year, but he still gets insecure when we're apart. He calls and texts constantly, and is suspicious of any guy friends I make. I love my boyfriend, but his insecurity is driving me away. What should I do?julie
Dump him. Now.  Does he ask you what you wore today and who you talked to? I had one of those. (Hi, Dan!) Do not burn nine fucking years of your hot self on this guy when you could be out there meeting someone else.

I love my girlfriend, but her fashion sense is killing me. She's old enough to dress like a woman, not a rainbow-drenched scenester. How can I tell her without coming off as a superficial jackass?
Convince her that you have a fetish for evening gowns or business wear and ask her to dress up for you. Make sure you go on and on and on about how hot she looks and how much it turns you on to see her dressed this way. You might still come off as a superficial jackass, but most women are more tolerant of sex-related jackassery than guys telling us how to dress.

She swore she came twice. But we were drunk and she was dry the whole time. I'm coming off a long dry spell, and in spite of what she said, I'm afraid I've lost my touch for foreplay, which doesn't help my confidence now that I'm trying to date again. What should I do now?
Tell her you had fun but you'd like to try it again more sober. If she declines, you will know she was lying about getting off. No woman is going to turn down someone who can make her come twice on the first try — drunk, no less. At the very least, if she says yes, you'll have a second chance to achieve something better than sloppy, drunken sex. If she says no, try to be sober(ish) with whatever girl you end up with next time.

I've been dating this girl for six months, but she just issued an ultimatum: either I give up weed, or she gives up me. She doesn't smoke, but I never knew it was such a big issue for her. We're totally compatible in every other way, but now I think that she may not appreciate who I really am. What should I do?
Well, maybe the next girlfriend will love the ganja but not be willing to shave her cooch or her legs because "you're a pig for even asking." Yeah, there are chicks like me who have brains and are well-groomed and dirty in bed and smoke dope with abandon. But we're pretty rare, and when you meet us you're too fucking intimidated to date us, so figure out what you can deal with in a normal girl. And, before you give up all hope, find out what bothers her about the weed. Maybe it's the smoking aspect, and she'd let you chow down on pot brownies once in a while?

My boyfriend and I get along great — the only problem is, he doesn't talk when we eat dinner together! How can I teach him the art of conversation?
I suspect you're one of those chicks who just yap-yap-yaps all the time, and men deal with this by saying nothing, tuning you out, and waiting for you to get bored of talking to yourself. I'd suggest shutting up and letting him initiate the conversation. He probably won't do this the first night or the second night, but after five nights of silence, I bet he says something. If he doesn't do it, then he doesn't want to talk with you during dinner.

Comments ( 44 )

These were all awesome - and, like you would expect of mathematicians, specific and thorough.

phineas commented on Oct 09 09 at 2:05 am

More useful would be Sex Advice For Mathematicians.

John Armstrong commented on Oct 09 09 at 3:51 am

Math advice from porn stars would be interesting or John's twist, Math advice for porn stars.

Ben commented on Oct 09 09 at 9:02 am

What a terrible, "Rules"-like set of answers. Kind of sad how all of them are based on trickery instead of communication. "Mathematicians" must be really self-defeating and manipulative, I guess. I suppose that makes sense, if you see everything as an equation to produce the right answer for.

SG commented on Oct 09 09 at 10:59 am

(*correction -- my comment was only based on "Julie" on the first page.)

SG commented on Oct 09 09 at 11:09 am

I LOVED Julie's answers. The combination of qualities she has are indeed rare, and exactly what constitute chemistry for this man. Like attracting like?

Michael commented on Oct 09 09 at 12:07 pm

I think I'm in love with Julie.

EB commented on Oct 09 09 at 12:50 pm

SG, I fail to see how any of Julie's answers constitutes "trickery." They were great!!

ABC commented on Oct 09 09 at 1:04 pm

@ABC - I think SG sounds like the kind of guy who automatically has a problem with smart women. Note that he came back 10 mins after his first post to specify his complaint was only about "Julie" when her answers were in fact the most clever ones.

Ian commented on Oct 09 09 at 1:28 pm

"Utterly bored" in five years? I'm 48, my husband of five years is 29, and we're having the time of our lives. And no, it's not all about the sex (although that doesn't hurt either), it's about loving each other and doing things we enjoy together. You know, like "normal" people do!

Nezrite commented on Oct 09 09 at 3:54 pm

Nezrite: Interesting that you would be offended by Julie's answer and not John's. I took her remark to mean that the woman would be bored being a mom, which is very common even if people won't admit to it. John's answer, on the other hand, calls you out for being "creepy," which is spot on if you married a 24-year-old when you were 43. I am honestly retching at the thought!

Dave commented on Oct 09 09 at 5:05 pm

I didn't know mathematicians were so beautiful !! Julie, you sound like my kinda girl --- I like 'em smart and sassy.

Richard commented on Oct 09 09 at 5:51 pm

That's right, you yapping bitches! Stop talkin to the manfolk at the dinner table, and let your man eat in silence! He doesn't want to hear you bitching after a long hard day! What are you, on the rag or somethin', you yappy bitch?

You tell 'em, Julie!

Guh.

BC commented on Oct 09 09 at 8:24 pm

Dave: to be fair I said that's a rule of thumb. Compare my second answer, and the gap between theory and practice :D

John Armstrong commented on Oct 09 09 at 8:30 pm

Hahaha, so half of you hate me, and half of you are in love .... I think that means I hit the mark.

To "nesrite", be careful about making nasty comments with that moniker, as it allows me to figure out who you are in under 60s using google. You are just what I pictured: fat gamer hag (photo in jsonline.com). Don't be surprised when your young hubby gets tired of playing with your Xbox and moves onto someone else's Playstation, OK?

Julie commented on Oct 09 09 at 9:35 pm

Okay gents, if you didn't love Julie before her comment, you must now. AND I seriously doubt you could hang, so you should relegate your desires to dream or at least have some material available for clean up.

Ben commented on Oct 09 09 at 10:02 pm

Awesome answers, esp. Julie. Nezrite don't underestimate mathematicians :P

Paul commented on Oct 10 09 at 5:19 am

Mathematica and Sex
https://www.amazon.com/Mathematics-Sex-Clio-Cresswell/dp/1741141591
Mathematics and sex may make odd bedfellows, but this fun, flirty look at the relationship between the two subjects shows that they are closely related. Revealing the ways in which math can help unlock the secrets of love, lust, and life's search for the ideal partner, this intriguing text covers topics such as dating services, dating as game theory, the mathematical logic of affairs, and the numbers behind orgasms. Math's answers to love's burning questions How much should one compromise in a relationship? Exactly what is it that is attractive in a lover? How many partners should one have before settling down? and What makes the infamous biological clock tick? are also revealed.

Stuart Anderson commented on Oct 10 09 at 9:54 am

You didnt do your research - read this book

Stuart Anderson commented on Oct 10 09 at 9:55 am

Actually, I'd say Julie was a cunt were it not for the fact that 'her' answers were obviously written by a guy. Nobody really thinks Hooksexup actually goes out and interviews people, do they?

J.C.MM commented on Oct 10 09 at 11:37 am

Yes, Stuart, the answers would have been SO much more interesting if the responders would have read out of a book. ::roll::
Anyway, what is with the shameless plug? Are you the author in disguise? Or perhaps a friend?

Lynn commented on Oct 10 09 at 11:44 am

Actually, the people are real, but I'm pretty sure the questions are made up.... excuse me while I go hunt for my invisible penis, since apparently I am a guy. If only I'd known, I could have skipped all these long lines for the bathrooms!

Julie commented on Oct 11 09 at 8:06 am

LMAO, I use this moniker knowing full well you can find me in a moment if you care to. However little I may agree with you, I'd never stoop to namecalling - and going with "fat gamer hag" certainly indicates to me that the folks who have nailed "Julie" as more likely being a "Jim" are spot-on.

Nezrite commented on Oct 11 09 at 1:59 pm

I'm also a mathematician, though I wasn't one of the interviewees for this feature. However, I've had lots of contact with other math folks, and I believe Julie is genuine. Mathematics lends itself to people who are direct and like to prove things, but who are not always the greatest at soft, diplomatic skills. Julie looks like a good match. That generalization also includes me, as I'm reasonably confident that all sides will be offended by this comment. ;)

JCF commented on Oct 11 09 at 7:29 pm

Absurd that in the 21st century a woman cannot express any strong opinions without getting accused of being a man! Well, if anyone is that interested to check, they can find me on the faculty of one of the top 15 math departments in the US. Anyway, this is hooksexup.com ... if you want nice, "female" answers, go read Dear Abby :P

Julie commented on Oct 12 09 at 11:49 am

Why all the hate? I thought all the advice was very sound, esp. Julie. She seems very much real and female. I know plenty of women who would give "guy answers" to these questions...whatever that means. I just hope her internet search skills are good enough to find me by initials, because Julie and I should definitely hang out sometime.

PNC commented on Oct 12 09 at 11:50 am

"You are twenty-two and have zero business having kids."

Wow, this screams of "bitter working-woman who didn't have kids, so at her age has decided no one younger than her should be having them either".

... Not that I disagree, but not because of his age, or sex. I say he shouldn't be having offspring merely because he's a GUY asking a female columnist for sex advise.
You don't Shuck'ems clam-fest for walnut advise.

Grangoire commented on Oct 12 09 at 1:35 pm

How many times can 29 go into 16?

Dan commented on Oct 12 09 at 1:52 pm

To rate your article as 'boring' might be too strong a term. But in reality it's very sophomoric.

Steveo commented on Oct 12 09 at 2:06 pm

"Dump him. Now. Does he ask you what you wore today and who you talked to? I had one of those"

You forgot to mention that he is cheating on her.

Jim Strathmeyer commented on Oct 12 09 at 2:41 pm

I like how Ben's solutions are all "just throw money at it!"

T commented on Oct 12 09 at 2:44 pm

Julie will you marry me! You actually seem to understand men... must be the logical thinking :)

TimL commented on Oct 12 09 at 4:31 pm

You know, as a friend of Julie's, I really have to respond to some of you, especially Grangoire.
1. "You don’t Shuck’ems clam-fest for walnut advise." -- are you effing kidding me? What a sexist bullshit comment. I bet you do real well with the ladies.
2. I have known her for over 20 years, and she has never wanted kids, despite thinking other peoples' kids are adorable. Just because a woman doesn't have kids doesn't mean she is bitter, and it doesn't mean she hates children. Some women do not want them, period. Also, did you NOT notice that the point of her response was entirely about letting this woman (who is also younger than Julie) out of a sex-based relationship so that she could find a husband in time to have children?
3. If you actually knew her, what a funny and interesting person she is, and a friend you can always count on, not to mention being uber successful despite enormous obstacles early in her life, you would shut the eff up and wish you could ever measure up.

MissX commented on Oct 12 09 at 6:29 pm

I found the various bits of advice amusing and a bit more interesting than usual - until I got to the comments. I can't imagine why 'Julie' would denigrate herself by caring about or stooping to spout a bunch of 'me-centered' (count the first person references) mudslinging in defensive response to reader comments. It's hardly an 'interview' if the subject feels the need to go off on the audience and it speaks a level of tackiness unbecoming of a tenure-track college professor, be it for a formerly-interesting online sex rag or no. From one academic in the quantitative sciences to another, this is one case where you should have let discretion be the better part of valor, or perhaps more appropriately, 'kept it on your pants'...

D.A. Dixon commented on Oct 12 09 at 9:22 pm

I loved Julie's answer to the pot question. It's really true. If he likes pot that much, the girl is obviously not for him. I think he might be missing the point that she's probably way too uptight if she's ALREADY issued an ultimatum.

Hlynn commented on Oct 12 09 at 10:14 pm

Gee, nice to see some no-nonsense responses to such obvious questions. Good on ya Julie.

And to Ben, your father sounds like a severe version of me. I do not let other people touch my food. Mom's tried teasing me by poking at my plate only to get growled at or nearly stabbed/bitten. It's a feline thing for me, but I don't usually take it to extremes. I get most defensive if there's meat or a favourite dish on my plate. Some of us are just more in touch with our animal side than others. However, I don't mind conversation during dinner, ask me a question and I will answer, but remember that my focus is the meal.

As for the rest, sometimes people can be more than a little dense, thus why sex and relationship advice columns are so successful.

Katt commented on Oct 12 09 at 10:36 pm

Dear Julie, hating on other women does not make you look better. It does make you look bitter. Maybe it's cool to rag on women who are overweight or don't shave or don't like whatever substance is the flavor of the month. If that floats your boat, great. But no matter what you do, or how awesome your achievements, someday you will grow old, ugly, and die. If you find yourself alone on that day, I can only imagine that you will say to yourself, "See? I was right. No one was good enough for me!" Have fun with that.

Miss Maus commented on Oct 13 09 at 2:34 am

These were GREAT, much more interesting than the usual answers. Nice to see this bunch dispel the stereotype that math/science types are a bunch of boring old nerds.

Jimmy commented on Oct 13 09 at 7:38 am

At least the interviewees have a sense of humor, unlike most of the people making the comments!

Laurie commented on Oct 13 09 at 9:47 am

You know, if Dan Savage wrote the exact same answers, you'd think they were a riot. If a woman writes them, you go on the attack. What a bunch of a-holes.

Laurie commented on Oct 13 09 at 9:59 am

Awwww...I loved Ben's answers. So sweet!

Charlotte commented on Oct 13 09 at 4:18 pm

Idiot pothead.

x commented on Oct 20 09 at 12:14 pm

I think Julie is great....! Love the personality and her forwardness. P.S. she is hott!!! Sorry Had to go there.... Hope you dont mind another girl expressing how hott you are!

amy commented on Nov 03 09 at 6:03 am

Julie is a cunt.

Mikey commented on Apr 14 10 at 8:42 pm

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