"Santorum out:" Rick Santorum to suspend campaign in second-best Gettysburg Address in history

Rick Santorum is set to make his Gettysburg address: the Presidential no-longer-hopeful will suspend his campaign today at an event in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. The collected sigh of relief from sane people all over the country was interrupted by the sudden realization: that leaves us with the guy with magic underwear.  But keep in mind, Santorum says, "We are going to stay involved and stay active in the next couple of months." Oh good!

We miss this goofy bastard already, so let's take one long look back at the greatest hits of his suspended campaign:

Rick Santorum thinks porn is more important then the economy: Oh, how we'll miss his claim that while the economy is not important, banning pornography is. All part of the ever important "war on porn."

Bill Maher: "Rick Santorum thinks about gay sex more than any gay man in America.": Yesterday, news broke about a study finding that homophobes are probably gay. How many secret boyfriends are behind this campaign suspension?

And who could forget of Santorum's ultra-patriotic claim that the President of the United States has a phony theology? Good times, good times. 

Of course, everyone's favorite family with a great understanding of contraception, population control, and class, the Duggars, showed their support for our man.

Rick tugged on everyone's heartstrings when he reminded us that he's a victim of a "gay jihad," a gay jihad that included such psychological warfare as kissing, and reminding people of the true definition of santorum. 

Of course, his iconic visit to a sweater vest factory will bring nostalgic tears to any follower of the Santorum campaign. 

Goodnight, sweet prince! We hardly knew ye, etc.