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Sex Machine: Toss My Salad, Hold the Syrup and Jelly

Posted by spjv840

 

The boyfriend and I often joke about tossing each other's salads. We've yet to actually do the deed, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure we ever will. For the most part, if a man is willing and able to stick his tongue up my ass for pleasure, who am I to stop him? All in the name of experience, I say, but then, what happens if the table turns and it's my tongue that has to do the sticking and rimming in the man's poop-shoot? Would I be able to to do it? I mean, a woman's ass is one thing, but a man's?

As the lovely and talented AirHeadGenius wrote in her post, The ass play chronicles, "The arse of a straight man is hairy and smelly, gaseous and not to be messed with".

For the uninitiated, the term "toss my salad" was coined by a prisoner on an HBO prison special. The prisoner was talking about what he would do to a new prisoner as a form of initiation. Basically, getting your salad tossed means someone eats out your ass, syrup or jelly optional. The whole thing was made even more popular by Chris Rock. See below.



A finger or dick in your ass is one thing. A tongue in your ass is one of those things you REALLY gotta prepare yourself for or at least do it with someone you're really friggen comfortable with. The whole realization of "There's a tongue in my ass right now", or even worse, "My tongue is in someone's asshole right now" might be a lot to handle for the average person. It's like Chris Rock says, "When a man's suckin yo dick, he can pretend that's somethin' else, but when he's eatin ass, he knows it's ass". If you're not into sucking your man's dick, but you do it because you know he likes it, it isn't so hard to pretend it's Benicio del Toro or Johnny Depp's dick, or even pretend it's a goddamn banana popsicle, if that makes you feel better about yourself. But if your licking your man's asshole, it doesn't matter if it's Johnny Depp, sweet Jesus himself, or Brad Pitt, it's still an asshole, gorgeous celebrity or not.

So, this is where community comes in, dear readers. Salad tossing: have you tried? Do you like it? Hate it? Recommend it?

Just remember, once we go in, there's no going back.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

tunkosunko said:

sex and the city bullshit.

September 9, 2008 3:26 PM

spjv840 said:

Actually, it has nothing to do with sex and the city, but thanks for your very insightful comment.

September 9, 2008 3:32 PM

tunkosunko said:

your "writing" is pedestrian at best. just warmed over sex and the city retreads. you're like another funky brown chick from over at the blog-a-log. how did you even get this job? you're not funny, or interesting in the slightest and your writing is for shit.

September 9, 2008 3:44 PM

xcalibur86 said:

Darlin', for the record, the term ante-dates that HBO prison series by a whole bunch of years. I first heard it in high school during the mid-Seventies.

September 9, 2008 6:16 PM

Toluca_86 said:

Your writing is fine in my book, even if it's not my favorite right now.  I think anyone who feels the need to harshly insult people they've never met online has some emotional issues, or is immature and obnoxious at best.

September 9, 2008 10:01 PM

Hugonaut said:

I think the Oz reference was tongue-in-cheek, so to say.  And tunkosunko, if you don't like it stop reading.  No one likes a whiner.

September 9, 2008 10:49 PM

airheadgenius said:

It's not so very insulting to be compared to a wildly successful tv series and movie.

On the tossed salad front though, I've never been a fan of the expression "eat out", regardless of the orifice that's being consumed. To me, eat out infers a pleasant meal at a reasonably priced yet fashionable restaurant. And thanks to you, I now have an image in my mind of a man holding up a knife and fork, with a napkin stuffed in his collar, whilst his missus lies legs akimbo on the dining room table. I shall blame you if my dreams are peculiar.

September 9, 2008 10:59 PM

d said:

no need to be so mean, readers! i have had my salad tossed, but i didnt really notice it was happening, as there were generally other things going on: fingering, nipple pulling, etc. it wasnt until my boyfriend mentioned it this weekend and i said "really?" that i realized it was more than just a misguided tongue on the way to the honey pot.

September 10, 2008 12:52 AM

amboabe said:

Whether or not I can imagine licking a woman's hindquarters is generally a good litmus test for my w/r/t how into her (no pun intended) I really am.

It's also worth noting that if you're performing this act on a woman you might want to take a pit stop in the bathroom for a quick rinse before moving all those anal bacteria back into the vaginal area.

September 10, 2008 2:16 AM

theinternationalthreat said:

i second amboabe's instincts re: tongue/ass play and how into someone you are...  

I have done it (and had it done) only with my gf of more than 2 years, quite infrequently, after taking thorough showers and other cleansing rituals....

slightly weird yes, but it does feel good....so as long as its clean and infrequent, party on...

September 10, 2008 1:38 PM

miss_gray said:

I dated a guy a while back who only wanted to do this to me... I LOVED it!

September 10, 2008 7:31 PM

sam79700 said:

I LOVE getting my "salad tossed" but I refuse to stick my tongue anyhere near any man's asshole. I will use my finger to play with it even insert it, but not my tongue or even my lips.

September 10, 2008 11:32 PM

weirdbeard said:

yeah, after a nice shared shower it can certainly be a quality part of some oralfun.  It really is a weird sensation... part the physical sensation, part 'weird, her tongue is in my ass...' As for the giving... well, yeah, like it really is an indicator of how much I dig the lady in question.  

September 14, 2008 11:23 PM

CONFESSION OF THE DAY

CONFESS HERE!

ABOUT THE BLOG

DATE MACHINE explores the triumphs and tragedies of your dating confessions. Look here for commentary, dating advice, and our own salacious (or ridiculous) dating stories.

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FishnetsAndLight

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I'm an existentialist trapped in the body of a rational humanist. I've got a penchant for misanthropy and a flair for the obvious. I'm quick with a joke or a light up your smoke, but there's someplace that I'd rather be. I'm Zeitgeisty, pleased to meet me I'm sure.

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I am a fish out of water - an opinionated cheeky smiling English chick in a land of larger than life Americans. I don't understand the culture. I don't understand asking if we're exclusive. I don't understand this weird practice of decapitating penises. Some days I am definitely MILF material. Other days I feel more like the material on the inside of yer grannys' handbag.

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Looking for: A stunning socialist with a propensity to pick winning lottery numbers

amboabe

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Location: San Francisco
Looking for: A sail, not an anchor.

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Location: The Igloo, Canada
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