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Sex Machine: It's Not Cheating If...? A Reader Survey

Posted by spjv840

 

Yesterday while trying to make my boss millions, I got interrupted by an msn message from the guy I wrote about before who I had hooked up with via Facebook. The one with the fiance. Apparently, they broke up a while ago. Good for him, she looked like an absolute witch, but that's not the point. He kept going on about how he and I were meant to be together, how he had wanted me since high school and that should count for something, he says. He also went on asking me constantly if I was really happy - he would not take my "Yes" for an answer.

Finally I told him that I had zero intention of ever seeing him again (unless it's strictly as friends, and even then), let alone cheating on my boyfriend with him, or anyone, for that matter. Then he came out with this gem:

"It's not cheating if it's with someone you're supposed to be with"

Oh really? This is news to me! Anyone else feel this way? So according to him, he didn't cheat on his fiance when he boned me back in July 2007, because we were "MEANT TO BE TOGETHER". Ok, I'm meant to be with Jason Statham and Johnny Depp, will I be cheating on anyone if I bone all of them? Apparently not!

Readers, put down the turkey leg and tell me, what are your thoughts? When is cheating "not" cheating and when is it?

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Posted Nov 28 2008, 01:50 PM
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Comments

Blueruin said:

Cheating is cheating, that's the end of it.

If you're 'supposed to be with someone else' then you should be with them and not be a complete bastard to the person you're with. 99% of the time they don't deserve it, no matter what excuses you make trying to justify your actions.

November 28, 2008 2:20 PM

spjv840 said:

That's pretty much my opinion as well, Blueruin.

November 28, 2008 2:26 PM

airheadgenius said:

If you are in a relationship and you kiss, make out with, sleep with someone else, then, in my opinion, you have cheated.  The only sense I can make of your old friends senseless comment is that, if you are "meant" to be with the person you just cheated with, then the end justifies the means, if you procced to honorably extricate yourself from person A in order to be with person B.

It's still cheating though.

November 28, 2008 2:47 PM

profrobert said:

If it's something physical you have to hide from your S.O., then it's cheating.  If it's something you'd tell your S.O. or do in front of him/her, then it's not.

November 28, 2008 3:47 PM

commenter said:

I don't think it has to be physical even to be cheating, I believe you can emotionally cheat as well.

November 28, 2008 4:14 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

Meant to be with?  By whose intent?  God?  L. Ron Hubbard?  Nice of him to assign his indiscretion to a higher power.  That sort of rationale is perhaps what would make a person least desirable, to me.  

Listen, darling... it's not so much that I'm madly attracted to you, or that we get along so well, or have madly irresistible chemistry.  It was ordained.  And who are we not to obey this higher calling.  Let's take our clothes off immediately!  HA HA FRIGGIN' HA!  

I'm with AHG on this one, and I believe with you, on this one.  Cheating is cheating.  

You should send his explanations to his ex-fiance so that she doesn't take him back in a moment of blind stupidity.  

November 28, 2008 4:15 PM

idiosheen said:

People will frame a situation in any way that suits their urges sometimes. The trick is recognizing the difference between rationalizing bad behavour and owning up to inconvenient truth.

November 28, 2008 5:00 PM

Thea said:

Wow, this guy speaks in made-to-order cliches. Tell him to screw! But again, dissing the wife when you're the Other Woman is so tacky.

November 28, 2008 7:55 PM

spjv840 said:

Thea - I know it is. But seriously, for the most part I would never talk bad about the wife, but her, if you saw her you'd know what I mean! I'm really not a mean person. :) And yes, he does speak in cliches, horrible.

idiosheen - so true

It seems kind of like we all agree here! Imagine that! I was kind of hoping that to open relationship people would come in and toss their ideas around.

November 29, 2008 9:22 AM

blackbeth said:

Is it still cheating if the dude-in-question is separated but still married?

November 30, 2008 12:31 AM

pfiekowsky said:

Open relationship person here--

It's really up to you. I don't think God keeps track of these details. If you said your relationship is exclusive, then you better clean up your mess, and maybe change your terms for future relationships. If you didn't say your relationship was exclusive, your partner may have thought that--and you better clean up the mess (or suffer the suffering that happens when you pretend to be "good").

Be realistic. We cheat--it's the nature of having agreements-- and then we clean it up (if we're smart). When I speed, I pay the ticket. When I overeat I diet next week. When I upset my spouse I clean it up.

The only ones who don't cheat are dead or live in isolation, or are just lying to themselves. Most are lying to themselves from what I've seen.

The people with great lives clean up their messes REAL FAST. They don't waste time racking their brains if it was "really cheating". If you're thinking about it, then clean it up and get on with life and loving. It doesn't even matter if you and your other disagree. Clean it up anyway. Take him/her out for dinner or for some great sex.

November 30, 2008 7:08 PM

i got your name tattooed on my butt said:

if that guy was serving steak i would say medium rare, but hes not serving steak to order, just a bunch of b#llsh!t. i believe if you do anything sexually with another individual its cheating, but i do have one question, what about fantasies, is it cheating for someone to fantasise about someone else while masterbating or having intercourse with thier partner? thats the only part i dont get yet.

December 9, 2008 6:27 PM

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