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Sex Machine: Mmmm...Morning Wood

Posted by spjv840

 

I've actually met men and women who don't like morning sex. This boggles my mind. Firstly, a guy wakes up with an erection a good deal of the time. For the most part, it has nothing to do with sex, just a need to pee - BUT it is a hard penis. Who the hell passes up a hard penis when it's shoved up against you in bed? Not I, for one.

Secondly - morning sex is a great way to start the day. Nothing says "TODAY IS GOING TO BE GREAT!" more than a pot of coffee waiting for you and a man between your legs before 8 a.m.

One guy I briefly dated last year was a total morning sex guy. As soon as he opened his eyes he was all over me, and got me to see the beauty of an early morning sex romp before you even get out of bed. But here's the thing - I have a few rules when it comes to morning sex.

Miss B's Morning Sex Rules:

1) The hangover rule. If the room is spinning and I complain about having to vomit, kindly remove your face and your penis from anywhere near me.

2) No mouth kissing. Sometimes I break this rule, but for the most part - no. I don't like morning breath, my own or anyone else's. Sharing morning breath is not attractive and will probably make me gag. If you're intent on lots of kissing during morning sex, go brush your teeth and then bring me my toothbrush and some water so I can brush mine without having to get up and we can quickly resume the morning bone. Or at least pop a piece of gum in your mouth real quick. 

3) No early morning butt sex. Obviously. If I haven't had my coffee yet and haven't taken my morning pee, my ass is off limits.

4) If the room is too bright, it ain't going to happen. Me + sunshine+ just waking up = Ha Ha Ha.

Other than that, I love morning sex.

This morning, though, I had an unexpected surprise and a first, if I remember correctly. Barely after I opened my eyes, my boyfriend was going down on me before I even knew what was going on. All I'll say about this one is that it's highly recommended, and it definitely changes your outlook for the day. Even the icicles hanging from the electric line look happy.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Dec 11 2008, 10:42 AM
Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Comments

LydiaSarah said:

I've also noticed that morning woods tend to be particularly high-quality hard-ons. You can't not do it. It's wasteful. And yes, wake-up oral is the way to go, fun to give AND receive.

I'm not particularly bothered by morning breath though. If we both have it, it's the same difference. Maybe I'm just gross though. Oh well, I can live with that.

December 11, 2008 12:33 PM

spjv840 said:

Lydia, no you aren't gross! Hahaha, I just have a very weak stomach sometimes with really stupid things, and sometimes morning breath just doesn't mix well.

December 11, 2008 12:45 PM

profrobert said:

The best morning sex happens after noon.

December 11, 2008 11:16 PM

E-Claire said:

For ideal morning sex, one partner has to wake before the other. They then proceed to wake their bedfellow with hands/mouths in appropriate places. Mmm morning sex. I'm curious as to who wouldn't like it and why!? Anyone?

December 12, 2008 1:20 AM

dfunkt said:

i wish i had time for morning sex. or energy. im too sick to do much more than make out and occasionally diddle...

December 12, 2008 12:43 PM

amboabe said:

I love morning breath. The vague taste of brocolli, saliva, and fecund vaginal fluid. Mmmmmmm.

December 12, 2008 10:08 PM

amboabe said:

I love morning breath. The vague taste of brocolli, saliva, and fecund vaginal fluid. Mmmmmmm.

December 12, 2008 10:08 PM

dripnote said:

I am also confused by people who do not like morning sex, though not as confused as I am by the lop-sided boobs on the woman in the post photo.

December 13, 2008 2:42 AM

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