Just because we weren't getting teabagged, doesn't mean somebody wasn't.
Highs:
A sexual term may have been turned into a political one but at least Anderson Cooper was there to set FOXNews straight.
And maybe Marlon Brando would set Anderson Cooper... not straight?
We made fun of some fucking hipsters.
We found a real-life Benjamin Button. Sort-of.
We popped our erotic reading cherry.
We won $200 and in turn owe you a good, hard leg humping.
We appreciated the bearded men around us.
And the erotica of the past.
Oh, and some ridiculous romance novel covers.
We started following Ron Jeremy's cock on Twitter.
Maybe that goofy smile we were sporting in our senior yearbook will pay off some day.
We smiled and LOL'd at the trailer for the documentary about Tiffany stalkers.
We also LOL'd at Lindsay Lohan and the fact that she can LOL at herself.
Lows:
Someone is making a movie about Burlesque and didn't cast Scanner Crush Dita Von Teese. But apparently she's doing alright.
Mel Gibson's Russian lover showed us her boobies.
Adult film star Marilyn Chambers was found dead.
We wished we would have filed our taxes on time.
Someone found out that, yes, when go home drunk and alone we totally troll Facebook for potential booty.
In a moment of sexual frustration we wondered if these ants might be onto something.
And then we found creatures more desperate for sex than we are.
We figured out that maybe NPR hasn't hired us yet because we haven't traveled enough to have a cool name.
We were reminded that parents are not so cool with teachers also being Playboy models.
We were reminded, yet again, that you should always, always, always wear a condom.
Vanity Fair picked their most beautiful woman in the world. We yawned.
We were sorely disappointed with the facial hair, or lack thereof, in Kansas City.
And with Amazon.