A pregnancy test is not an etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet. See: Juno
Pregnancy instantly propels the father-to-be into a mid-life crisis. Luckily, women never panic about being pregnant. Women love babies! See: She’s Having a Baby, Nine Months
During your pregnancy, dreams are unusually vivid and strange. Especially when the father is a giant mutated insect. See: David Cronenberg’s The Fly
If you’re not sure who the father is, tell everyone you’ve ever slept with it’s theirs. Babysitters for life! See: Three Men and a Baby
Be sure to get adequate prenatal care, on the off-chance you’re carrying the spawn of Satan. See: Rosemary’s Baby, Village of the Damned, It’s Alive
Virgin pregnancies are only possible in three places: the Bible, Tatooine and Kevin Smith movies. See: Nativity Story, Dogma, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
The appropriate thing to yell when your water breaks is "Thundercats are go!" See: Juno
If you live in a totalitarian regime, and you get knocked up, don’t worry; your kid is probably the savior of humankind. See: Children of Men, Terminator, Willow, The Seventh Sign
Need a bomb to drop during an argument? You can’t go wrong with "I secretly aborted your child!" See: The Godfather Part II, The Anniversary Party, Cabaret
Abortion? What’s that? See: Knocked Up, Boys on the Side, Saved!, The Station Agent, Match Point, Circle of Friends, Dreamgirls, For Keeps?
If you’re pregnant and married to a police detective, you should probably leave town for a while. If you’re pregnant and you are a police detective, just keep doing what you’re doing. See: Se7en, Fargo
Pregnancy in the Deep South never ends well. See: Gone with the Wind, Steel Magnolias, A Place in the Sun, A Streetcar Named Desire
Make sure that the hospital you’ve chosen has all the latest technology, specifically the machine that goes ping. See: Monty Python’s Meaning of Life
The delivery room is a good place for: last-minute apologies, marriage proposals, David Hyde Pierce. It is a bad place for: fist fights, Bette Midler. See: Knocked Up, Lover Come Back, Addams Family Values, Nine Months, Beaches
Wouldn’t it be funny if men could get pregnant? Oh wait. See: Junior, Rabbit Test
— Gwynne Watkins
Previous Hollywood Guides:
The Hollywood Guide to Drinking
The Hollywood Guide to Office Romance
The Hollywood Guide to Infidelity