Jessica Alba is tired of getting all these scripts containing gratuitous nudity. I know, I know: what’s the problem? “I don't think this is happening to Natalie Portman,” she tells The Independent’s James Mottram, who may have had to wipe the drool off his profile of the actress before he sent it in. “Jessica Alba mesmerises men,” writes Mottram. “It's what she does…Her signature roles so far have seen her in various states of undress, from a bikini-clad diver in Into the Blue to a lasso-wielding stripper in Sin City… Hamstrung by her beauty, she is typical of what Hollywood wants from its young starlets these days: a girl-next-door with just the right amount of sex appeal for the 18-25, male, movie-going demographic.” He goes on to praise Alba’s “ability to stir male loins,” which maybe sounds dirtier than he meant it.
So now that we’re all clear on the fact that Alba is an attractive woman and that this fact goes a long way towards explaining why she’s in movies, it must be about time for Alba’s Serious Actress phase to commence. The first step is to dismiss her previous work as fluff or worse. Of Good Luck, Chuck, her recent rom-com with the execrable Dane Cook, Alba says “It's porn…It wasn't supposed to be like that.” On Into the Blue and her co-star Paul Walker: “Paul was the lead. Paul helped develop it. You wouldn't believe how much that kid got paid! And I don't think he did one ounce of publicity.”
In the J-horror remake The Eye, Alba got to flex her acting muscles as a blind violinist. She learned “basic Braille and how to walk with a cane. And she spent six months learning how to play the violin – even though, in the end, this is seen in just two sequences.” Mottram is also impressed with Alba’s political consciousness – unless he’s putting us on, which seems increasingly likely as the article progresses. Alba “recently appeared in a pro-Barack Obama video directed by Black Eyed Peas' will.i.am.” Her thoughts on the candidate? “Everyone views him as the next JFK. That's where people are putting him, because he's for the people and not necessarily about making more money for corporations that are running our country.”
“Maybe there's a chance of that Oscar yet,” Mottram concludes. Yeah, I think he might be putting us on. Either that or he’s in love.