I understand why Robin Williams movies suck. Sure, he’s done good (or at least interesting) work in everything from Moscow On The Hudson and The Best of Times to The Fisher King and even creepy, icky One Hour Photo (part of the “dark Robin” trilogy along with Insomnia and Death To Smoochy). For the most part, though, Williams is primarily known for some combination of annoying, "look at me! look at me!" over-the-top wacky (Mrs. Doubtfire, Toys, every single talk show appearance ever) and/or shameless, cloying, dewy-eyed schmaltz (Jack, Patch Adams, Fathers' Day...oh God, I’m choking on my own vomit)...
But I get that. Williams is a needy, hyperactive mental case. Sure, he’s talented and seems like a sweet, well-meaning guy, too...but I’m also guessing he’s been to a LOT of Narcotics Anonymous meetings full of weepy, life-affirming speeches and “I love you, man” hugs. On some level, I’m willing to believe Williams actually enjoyed his own performance in License To Wed.
But Steve Martin knows better...doesn’t he? I mean, in real life, the man is an icy-cool art-collecting intellectual. He’s written witty pieces for The New Yorker and well-received plays and books like Picasso at the Lapin Agile and Shopgirl and The Underpants. He studied English poetry in college and majored in philosophy. He was the classiest Oscar host since Carson. He’s a zillionaire, fer chrissakes. SO WHY IS THIS MAN STARRING IN THE PINK PANTHER 2?
Sure, okay, yes, he started his career as the “wild-and-crazy guy” of The Jerk and "King Tut" fame...but whereas a comedian like Williams is willing to do just about anything for a laugh, Martin, even at his goofiest, always seemed to be in on the joke: the Jerk was actually, in fact, the smartest guy in the room.
And right from the jump he wasn’t afraid to go dark and edgy, as evidenced by his underrated turn as the doomed feckless dreamer in Pennies From Heaven. But with the exception of roles in a handful of projects like The Spanish Prisoner and his own Shopgirl (where he played, respectively, a villainous con man and a rich man incapable of love), Martin has left the tantalizing possibilities of his dramatic range woefully unexplored. He could easily be having Bill Murray’s film career now...
...but, fine, let’s say he’s just not that into drama. He is, after all, a comedian. So then the question becomes: why so many shitty comedies, Steve? Sure, Bill Murray will phone in the occasional Garfield to help finance his alimony payments, but overall the man has very little to apologize for in a thirty-year career: Where The Buffalo Roam was terrible (but at least he was genuinely interested in the subject matter), Kingpin was stupid (but funny), Wild Things was trashy (but at least it was good trash), etc.
Conversely, I challenge Steve Martin to point to a single redeeming quality in The Pink Panther (x2), Cheaper By The Dozen (x2) or the deeply unfunny and, frankly, morally reprehensible Father of the Bride (which, like his other terrible, terrible movies, he felt compelled to make twice). Martin isn’t just a Hall Of Fame stand-up comedian, he’s also written and/or appeared in some really good (or at least pretty good) comedies like All of Me, Roxanne, Planes/Trains/etc., L.A. Story, Baby Mama and even Parenthood, so it’s not like he doesn’t know better. And it’s not like he needs the money. And he doesn’t even have any kids (the usual excuse for smart actors who appear in dumb-ass “family” entertainments).
So why, Steve?
Why?
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