TV Guide has just come out with its annual survey of the top earners on television. And guess what? In case you didn't know it already, you're in the wrong profession.
Charlie Sheen tops the list as the highest-paid actor in a series -- Denise Richards' ex pulls in $825,000 per episode for Two and a Half Men, in which he has an ownership stake. Yes, that's for dick jokes. And fart jokes. And, yes, the kid's funnier.
That's followed by CSI's William Petersen, who makes $600,000 per episode (just when he's planning to leave the show -- guess you can have enough money), 24's Kiefer Sutherland at $500,000 (hey, torture-boy earns it), and Law & Order: SVU's talented Mariska Hargitay at $400,000. And after two decades of service, the voice actors on The Simpsons now make $400,000 per episode each -- so you'd better keep watching the ads if you want Fox to continue making new ones.
At the bottom of the list is Burn Notice's poor Jeffrey Donovan at $55,000 per -- darn cable! Even The Hills' Lauren Conrad makes more than that, $75,000 per episode, for doing whatever the heck it is she does.
But while that all may seem like a lot, it's peacock feed compared to the incomes of multitasking hosts, many of whom produce their own shows. Oprah Winfrey's company reportedly took in $385 million last year -- she could buy her own country if she didn't already run this one. Simon Cowell makes $50 million annually for pushing Coke on American Idol. Meanwhile, David Letterman makes $32 million annually (though a lot of that reportedly is spent on the show), with Jay Leno following closely behind at $27 mil. But wee Craig Ferguson gets by on just $2.5 million annually -- no wonder he keeps recycling the same Michael Caine and Prince Charles impressions over and over.
Oh, and Miley Cyrus took in $25 million for both acting and singing last year. But don't worry, she'll probably manage to earn some real money when she turns 16.
Image: CBS
Previously:
Emmy Nominations -- A Complete-ish List
Billionaire Tycoon Oprah Winfrey Advises College Grads That Money Isn't Everything