Eric, ballet dancer
Ballet tickets

This holiday season, ballet is momentarily relevant, edgy and sexy. (Thanks, Darren Aronofsky!) Seriously, Natalie Portman’s masturbation scene in Black Swan was so titillating that I, a devout homosexual, felt a tightening in my pants. I have this theory that they actually put Mila Kunis on a 1,200 calorie/day diet, not to slim her down to waif-ish ballerina size, but rather to ensure she’d be thrillingly ravenous for the cunnilingus scene.

Suffice it to say, if you’re looking for a sexy gift for that special someone this holiday season, why not get him or her tickets to the ballet? New York City Ballet’s winter season is right around the corner. Do you like watching evil temptresses threading thick, red-velvet capes between their legs, or just menstruation metaphors in general? Then Prodigal Son is the ballet for you. Or if you just want to ride the Black Swan hype, NYCB will be presenting the staid classic, Swan Lake, in its entirety in February.