We figured, why not check out Playgirl’s April Issue Launch Party? It was at a bar called “Happy Endings,” it was within walking distance from Hooksexup…and it promised free vodka and goodie bags. Plus: we really hoped that there would be male waiters wearing bowties and no shirts. I mean, if you’re gonna throw a Playgirl party, you might as well go all the way, right?
The line outside was cold, but inside the transexual ladies were hot. There was little seating, few men, and (sadly) no shirtless waiters. (WTF, Playgirl?) There were some great pick-up lines. Our fave of the night, from two tall, European dudes with indeterminate accents: “Who are better liars, men or women?” One of our savvy ladies immediately recognized this as a Mystery pick-up line. Mystery must have trained the guys himself, because when we said as much they were completely unfazed:
“Vat? Ees a good pick-up line, no? Ees so good, because zee women can tell zee men ve are bastards!” (Later, we're pretty sure we saw them, naked, in the magazine. Who knew?!)
Playgirl stopped serving the free alcohol at 8:57 pm. Yes, our cheap asses noted the time (it was cold outside!). We were sad:
We grabbed our goodie bags on the way out, and examined the loot after stopping for late-night pizza and drunken photo shoots. Sadly, I can't show you some of the pics that really amused the pizza guys. But we enjoyed our goodie bags:
Lessons learned: Playboy is sexier than Playgirl. And this from a straight gal.
Free vodka is not worth losing toes to frostbite.
If you drunkenly give a strange guy on the street extra lube from your goodie bag, he will follow you. And offer you a ride to New Jersey. Do not accept.
And, we are so not Playgirl's target audience:
