Editor Peter Smith is in charge of wrangling all those Hooksexup Dating Confessions into one, (relatively) cohesive entity. He’s seen the heartbreaking, the funny, the painfully awkward, and the downright strange (who needs to wear gloves to bed?). But today he forwarded me the first confession that he has termed “epic”:
March 25 2008, 11:00P
"response to: "Most couples I know (especially the ones who live together) seem to be either bored with each other or at each other's throats all the time. I think most people are terrified of being alone and so will settle for anything in order to avoid that. I'd rather be single than end up like that." >>while that may 'seem' true, no one ever knows what 'is' behind closed doors. you're generalizing-even if some fear being alone. my experience is that instant chemistry can burn fast and furious, and burn out. after living with a couple of girls, that didn't light my fire like some prior, and being married for a solid decade, i can tell you this: at 40, i found myself having reflected on it all.. and the 'honeymoon' period of relationships don't last long-we all know that. LOVE isn't often instant-like oatmeal where you just add water. it's like a plant. i found there are unspoken moments.. one time, after 4 years, i got home and saw my wife with books everywhere, and after a run to home depot, had these goggles on, and was actually sculpting this huge fucking stone.. she had power tools, and hardware all over the living room.. it was her day off, and she didn't hear me walk in with all the noise and the stereo.. i just looked at her quietly.. watching.. looking at her.. her passion.. he being a spontaneous 'doer' and thought.. i'm so fucking lucky to have her. then i recall wanting to go to culinary school and be a chef.. i was bartending full time and couldn't. she said 'do it'! but i said i'd lose my good shifts wheere i made 400 a night.. she said we'll get by. we can set up a budget, and since you'll be cooking for us, you can do it on the cheap and make it taste great. we won't eat out. we'll rent movies instead of theatres. she had my back.. i almost cried-and that's a bold statement, because i have buried family and put down my loving dogs without shedding a tear. but i had a powerful urge. and then, there are the years that pass, job losses, great new jobs, thanksgiving at each other's family once a year out of town, and the things we took up like mountain biking.. you see, a partner is much more than a lover with fireworks, and someone who fucks you even with a headache-just bc you're horny. the way they have your back when you have the flue.. love blooms silly. it's 'moments' in the years that make you feel like you're so damn lucky. it's falling in love with new things you don't own in your own person. silent admiration.. cheap hotel hot fucks in the middle of nowhere. and luxury vacations in 5 star resorts. it's walking the dog together. what people see-arguments in public, and what seems boring-and can be... but it's not that simple. some people are so unrealistic. it's childbirth. and sadly, trading my hot roadster for a more practical vehicle-no i didn't get a minivan, and watching my daughter walk.. i have seen my friends marry twice now, and the ones everyone thought were perfect couples divorced, and the ones 'fighting' or 'bored' as you say, are still together. it's your partner telling you to take a month off and reflect because your parent died. supporting you in ways that let you KNOW that you're not alone, that it's us against this cruel world. i can listen to her complain bc her new boss is a bitch and she's no longer happy there, and return the favor by telling her to quit and find something better-even i we have to use our credit cards to get by. that's powerful. it's certainly more than you know. it's stages of love that grow exponentially. even divorced, it's mad respect and deep admiration-still always on the ready to help. and these things are what make me a guy that almost every commitment phobe girl i met and dated here, wanted. they couldn't quite place it.. maybe my last date felt it when i stayed all night in the ER with her after a minor procedure.. she doesn't know where that comes from, but is awestruck by it-she covets it. but that could not be me without those relationships.. this is learned behavior. sadly, that so many selfish assholes and bitches know nothing about here."