By nature I'm an angry misanthrope, but as I can't live my life in a bubble, I'm forced to come into contact with the outside world. Thus, all I can do is to internalize my rage, which as you know causes tumors and starts wars. So with this in mind, I roll out my special Saturday feature, where I can relate to you all the people, places and things that drive me nuts, and in turn I'm counting on you to let me know what ticks you off as well. Together we'll release all that pent up aggression into the atmosphere like so much toxic methane. So here we go, my new Saturday feature, a little thing I like to call.....
Guy Fierri - Can someone tell me how this puffer fish of a frat boy douche nozzle has apparently become the darling of the Food Channel? I mean, talk about common denominator, all the guy does is stuff his face and hurl out half-assed critique like, 'this is out of bounds' or 'wow.. that's bananas'. I've seen his cooking show, and the man appears to have no cooking skill whatsoever. Now he's the spokesman for TGIF - an evil institution. You know who would have loved TGIF? Hitler would have loved TGIF. To come clean, I did initially kind of like Diners, Drive-Ins and DIves when it first started, but that's because I'm a sucker for a road trip theme. However, this summer I went to this hamburger joint called 'White Mana' which he had highly recommended on the show, and got food poisoning. After that, he's been on my shitlist. Give me Andrew Zimmern and Tony Bourdain anyday... fuck the Food Network - homogenized Rachel Ray BS..
and Guy Fierri, you know what you can do..... BITE ME!
Guitar Hero - Used to be back in olden times, you actually had to play the guitar to impress people, nowadays in this twisted paradigm, all you need do is pretend. I blame George Bush and Dick Cheney. Why you say? Because I blame everything on George Bush and Dick Cheney. They've set in a rot that's spread to all facets of the organism.. hence Guitar Hero. These dweeby, mongoloids drooling as they plunk away on their miserable hunks of plastic, actually think they're cool?
Guitar Hero, George Bush and Dick Cheney, you know what you can do....BITE ME!!
Sarah Palin - Never have I see an election process like this before. Never have I seen such a cynical choice for the VP. The Cryptkeeper had only spoken to her briefly once, before offering her the position. Now, as some of you may or may not know, I was a big Hillary supporter, and have been late to throw my lot in with Obama, but after his speech on Thursday, I'm all in and as a Hillary guy, I certainly would not look to that monster Palin as any kind of consolation prize. This bitch just looks like a total fucking maniac. Creationist, anti-abortion, pro gun.. She doesn't have any opinion on Iraq, and didn't even know what the Vice President actually did day to day - besides starting wars, making your friends rich, and shooting old men in the face.
Sarah Palin, you know what you can do......BITE ME!!!