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Frenchmen Either Have the Biggest Dicks... or Are the Biggest Liars

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

The French claim to have the biggest dongs in Europe, stretching them out to an average of 6.1 inches, according to a very questionable new study.

And no one's questioning it more than the Greeks... those poor, poor things...

The Institute of Condom Consultancy, which has long been developing a spray-on condom, released a report today that found that the French buy the biggest condoms, which could mean they have the biggest dicks or-- hello, ICC, you idiots-- the French a) buy condoms that are too big for their own penises or b) they are liars. Or they do have the biggest dicks-- who knows? The only thing we do know is that the men of Greece are ready for a violent takeover of the ICC building, wherever that is.

Greek men reported (yes, you could self-report this survey-- who, clocking in at under a foot, wouldn't add an inch or two?) a measly 1.2 inch average for their wangs. But forget that for a second-- check out a line we liberated from the press release:

The study was conducted in order to educate young people about the need for effective contraception. 

How in the hell does it do that? Weirdos.

 

Related:

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Masterminds of Piss-Related Innovation and Design About to Become Convicts

 

Scanner Highs and Lows: Because We Have Nothing Better To Do on a Friday Night

 

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz and His Penis (and His Wife!) Win the Weird Baby Name Game

 

Lost Your Penis in the Penal System? Washington State Has 300 G's For Ya

 

Burger King Wants You To Have $100... No, Seriously, Take The Money...


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Comments

totalblamblam said:

I'm calling bullshit on this one. I've seen what France has to offer (I lived in Nice for two years), penilly (word?) speaking, and it is not an average of 6.1 inches.

December 1, 2008 3:04 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

in

about the blogger

Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

Colleen Kane has been an editor at BUST and Playgirl magazines and has written for the endangered species of dead-tree magazines like SPIN and Plenty, as well as Radar Online and other websites. She lives in exile in Baton Rouge with her fiance, two dogs, and her former cat. Read her personal blogs at ColleenKane.com.

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