Lots to get through this week -- no, really, like you have no freaking idea -- so let's get straight to Jake Kalish, author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights, with his notes...
The episode opens with Soresh talking into his tape recorder about his “rash”, which has resulted in the secretion of some goo. Hey, buddy, I got one of those too, but you don't see me talking about it. Tracy Strauss, we discover, was separated at birth from her two sisters and given powers as the subject of an experiment by Dr. Zimmerman, on orders of the company. I am forced to wonder why all sinister scientists must have German accents. I want just one that sounds like Urkel. Parkman is in Africa, trying on headphones that allow him to see the future. Radio Shack, here I come! Four years into the future, everyone's got abilities, and is flying all over the place. “Abilities are the new weapon of choice,” says Future Peter Petrelli to Present Peter Petrelli. Well, then I'm completely unarmed. Future Pete tells Present Pete “You can't make the same mistakes as me,” and before we can consider whether that's inevitable, Claire shoots Future Pete. She's wearing dark eyeliner, so you can tell she's evil. Unfortunately, she only shot one of the two Peter Petrellis, so she's got more work to do.
Observation: Time travel makes murdering a real pain in the ass.
Meanwhile, Hiro and Ando are bickering, and invisible Malcolm McDowell/Linderman is advising Nathan Petrelli, telling him he'll be President. But where's the old ultraviolence?
Question: Who's more evil, Alex Delarge or Sylar?
Maya sighting! More specifically, her cleavage! Soresh bitches at her because his rash has made him irritable, and then she's out of my life, or at least off my TV screen. No! Well, at least they made the most of her appearance with that shirt. Present Peter is now 4 years in the future, where he encounters Soresh, whose face is hidden in the shadows of some Obi Wan Kenobi cloak. Doc sounds terrible, and we can see his hands are all f'd up. Also in the future, Present Peter encounters Sylar, who's all domestic, making waffles for his little boy.
Question: Whaaaaaaatttt?
Zachary Quinto has been all kinds of jerked around this season – he's a supervillain, then he's a cop, now he's Mr. Mom? Dammit, I took writing classes in college, and from what I remember, there's supposed to be some internal logic to plot and character. Surprising is good, nonsensical not so much. [Ed.: We’ve got a theory that after getting to play young Spock, Quinto had enough mojo to demand more of his character than just scowling. Gotta give those evil eyebrows a rest sometimes!] Plus, what's with killers making kids breakfast this TV season? Last week on Dexter, Dex was making Cody and Astor pancakes. You think Jeffrey Dahmer liked French toast? And what was in his breakfast sausage? Also in the future, Parkman is married to Daphne the speedster (tough break, speedster) and they've got a baby girl. Molly also lives with them… and she's somehow the same goddamn age.
Question: Does Molly have the ability to avoid puberty?
Still in the future, Eyeliner Claire and the guy from The Wire come to Costa Verde to get Present Peter Petrelli, who's with Mr. Mom Sylar. In the ensuing superbattle (annoyingly done in weird hyperspeed, so everything's a blur and you have no idea what's happening) Sylar's little boy dies, and Sylar gets so mad he becomes an atomic bomb and blows up all 200,000 people in Costa Verde. Oh, and back in the present, Ali Larter/Tracy Strauss is depressed enough to jump off a bridge, but Flying Nathan Petrelli swoops in to save her.
Observation: This is an upsetting episode, with an attempted suicide, a child dying, a town exploding, and both Parkman and Soresh dealing with rashes.
Back 4 years in the future, Costa Verde is gone, and President Nathan Petrelli is married to Tracy Strauss. Claire has Present Peter Petrelli lying down and tied, and is slowly, tortuously slicing PPP's chest, Dexter-style. Is this what Paneteirre and Ventimiglia are like behind closed doors? President P gets Claire to let his bro loose, telling her to quit as both her father and the President – woah, we’d forgotten they were all family; so kinky -- and tells Peter “there's a goodness to man.” PPP must not agree, because he starts slicing up Nathan's head. This clearly freaks Present Peter out, because he teleports himself back to the present – possibly leaving Nathan for dead -- and Sylar's cell, where he gets into a dust-up with his newly discovered brother, who tells him “you have the hunger.” Don't go to the dark side, young Anakin. Back to The Future Parkman. Costa Verde just exploded, and Daphne his speedster wife falls into his arms, saying she wasn't fast enough. Then Present Parkman wakes up from his headphone-induced vision, and his African spirit guide quotes Carl Jung.
Now Angela Petrelli is with Hiro and Ando, and sends them on a quest. They dig up the grave of Takeso Kensei/Adam Monroe, open it, and boom! He's back alive and strangling Hiro. Don't nobody stay dead on this show?
To Be Continued...
-- Jake Kalish
PREVIOUSLY:
"Heroes": Sylar Joins The Super Fuzz
"Heroes" Season Premiere: We Never Thought We Could Feel So Free