As a lifelong masturbator and mild hypochondriac, I’ve definitely experienced phases that left me genuinely concerned that my habits might lead to some permanent damage. That said, I can honestly say that my self-love has ever necessitated serious medical intervention — unlike Kevin Keck, Hooksexup contributor and fellow masturbator, who chronicled the embarrassing results of his solo routine for our Shame Issue. A word from the wise, kiddies: motor oil was designed to lube one thing and one thing only, and it ain’t your junk.
It was what I always wanted to hear: my penis was a marvel fit for serious scholarly research. But it was a bittersweet revelation. My little man would end up in the mason jar reserved for freakish wonders, not the decanter marked "Huge Discovery." It was more likely to wind up in the gawkish halls of a Ripley's Believe It or Not! museum than the Smithsonian.
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— Caitlin MacRae