"We should have met at night, I am thinking. In some dark corner of a bar and we should have kissed until it became indecent. We have the whole rest of our lives to be mature, to discuss our childhoods and social grudges. What does that have to do with a good first date?"

You want to spend the first date making out AND be mature?  Then I tell you what you do.  You TELL the woman that you want to makeout/have sex/whatever but that you're not ready for commitment any time soon...  Of course, most men won't do that, presumably because it lowers their chances of getting action, because they KNOW somewhere in their minds that a lot of women like some level of investment or commitment before getting too physical.  So I'm sorry, but it totally boils down to selfishness if you can't communicate openly about your desires and lack of interest in commitment upfront.  What if you kiss and then she likes you?  What then?  I'm sorry, but I know so many women who've gotten burned by guys in a similar manner and don't like dating now... think of the future of the world, bro.

"[N]o social convention" about splitting the parking ticket?  If I were her, I'd be writing a blog entry titled "Date Night: Trying to Wrap My Mind Around How Cheap that Asshole Was".

"We should have met at night, I am thinking. In some dark corner of a bar and we should have kissed until it became indecent. We have the whole rest of our lives to be mature, to discuss our childhoods and social grudges. What does that have to do with a good first date?"

actually i had a very similar experience just this week

met a lovely chap online - we hit it off right away...he had making out as an interest on his profile and a handsome beard - which i dig

and yet i couldnt get him to go past the childhood stories either

at the end of the night he gave me an awkward sort of close lipped face mashing...i think he was trying to be a gentleman, i was a little disappointed

Yeah, I had a date recently (my first in AGES, as I'm actually really not looking, already having two wonderful partners). But, met this guy, he seemed awesome, we met for a drink and then dancing. And at the club after some dancing, he leaned in and sad, "So, this place is pretty crowded. Do you want to go back to the bar where we were and make out?" **swoon**

"Not everyone has to throw away their promise rings just because they kiss someone new. It would be hard for me to make a commitment to someone before fooling around with them. I am aware that not everyone has such a cavalier attitude to physical intimacy, but I don't think the future of the world hangs in the balance because I'd prefer some physical enjoyment during my time spent dating. "

You conveniently ignored what I said.  I didn't say don't do casual physical intimacy.  I said *if* you're going to do it, make sure the other person understands that's all it is.

If you don't particularly want to talk or listen, why go on dates? You don't sound open to the process. If you want to go on make-out dates, perhaps your profile can specify that, or can you create one profile for dates that would entail talking/listening, and one for making out/hooking up. You do a disservice to the women you meet by presenting yourself as interested in dating when you don't sound as if you are available to get to know someone.

Ambo,

Yes, 3 hours is TOOO long to talk on a first date, I agree. I suppose I was responding to the tone of your post, your sense of frustration and malaise rather than the actual facts of what happened.

When I was doing a lot of internet dating, I experienced a high rate of fatigue from repeating the same facts about myself with several different strangers/week. My body seemed to know when the 1-hour mark would pass, as I would experience a sudden physical wave of exhaustion. The hardest part of these dates for me was extricating myself from a conversation in which I was playing the role of listener and respondent rather than actually being engaged.

Dating is a tough job. I found/find myself puzzled by it most of the time.

I enjoy your column quite a lot. Thank you for posting about your experiences so openly and eloquently.

And may your new year's eve bring whatever you desire.

Hey there,

G here.

This is the first time I can remember being privy to such a fine story about myself. I was hoping that our boring coffee date was not going to make the blog cut, but alas.

1. I would have not gone out with you if I new you wrote about it online.

2. If you don't like daytime dates, decline, and save a persons energy, money (i.e.$50.00 ticket) and time.

3. My backside is not flat, but rather round and juicy.

You wrote "I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to have fun while learning little snippets about someone. How can that be a disservice to anyone, other than those looking for immediate intimacy with a stranger or those desperate to dive headfirst into a relationship?"

We talked for 2 hours, not 3. From my perspective, if I can chat with someone and find a level of comfort, then making out is the next fun thing to look forward to. It doesn't always happen on a first date, and it certainly won't happen on a coffee date typically. Physical intimacy is easy, communication and trust are the hard parts.

In my perfect world, I'd love to develop a slow courtship that unravels slowly, with lot's of yummy anticipation. Which entails, taking the physical side of things slowly. This doesn't always happen, all couplings are unique, but this is ideal to me.

I'm dating because I would love to find love, I'm not dating to have lot's of make outs with strangers, though that can be fun, it's not my objective.

I agree about daytime dates, not as much fun, there is less chance for spark.....

G

P.S. My friends laughed their asses off reading this part.

When I lived in LA I drove my Dad's 1994 Geo Metro with 320,000 miles on it. It was old and was insulated with all sorts of accumulated detritus that my dad had collected over the years. Random receipts, air fresheners, a glove, bungee cords, a folded up tarp, multiple flashlights. Seeing G's car made me think of what the women I used to take out in the Metro must have thought getting into the passenger seat while I held the door open. Her car was a weather worn sedan from the 80's that had a clatter of stuff on every surface. It was the kind of car that always has something in the passenger seat which needs to be cleared off before someone other than the owner can get in.

"Briefly touched"? Really? Well isn't that sweet of you your highness.

What an unconscionable douchebag.

G is lucky the fool was more concerned about celebrating his own douchey life than legitimately meeting someone least she wind up the recipient of the cad's cauliflower-like HPV.

Hey Douchetonic Scrotocalypse if you're going to lure innocent people into your mind numbingly boring, 13 year old girlish gossip column fucking have the sack to tell her first before she invests her valuable time in your fey little experiment.

You owe it to anyone you make sit and talk to your boring ass in the cold and get parking tickets to tell them right out that you might be chatting about what their ass looks like on your cheesy little Hooksexup diary.

You're the kind of cod-piece who gives internet dating a stigma and makes decent girls think twice about joining here and falling prey to some choad-wank like you.

We're all effin' elated you just barely completed an associates degree in culture studies from Cedar Rapids community college there Baudrillard but I think what's making us even more weepy is this petty minutia you pollute our dating pool with.

Seriously. Have you nothing better to do? Go feed homeless people. Write a book about Bolivian water commercialization. Put down your Gavin McInnes how-to manual and get some dirt under your nails. Do something to counter the stereotype of the useless hipster-bag all caught up in how great you'd look on youtube in your very own lifecast. Guess what? It's been done: Your blog. Your attempted book deal. The Movie about the book deal and your impending irrelevance. Seen it. Fell asleep in it. Asked for my money back from it.

Move on. Hitch yourself to something bigger than yourself guy. Really. Life is bigger and better than manipulating people champ. And it's bigger than wanking into the collective internet dating punch bowl for god sake.

I'm gunna have to ask you to gather your things and leave. Yes. Leave San Francisco all together. Bring your poo to someone else's city.

Thanks.

For some reason I just wasted 5 minutes reading this doggerel. If you are a writer you may as well start reading the dictionary, it MIGHT help. From your profile: "moved to SF from LA last year" - pretty much says it all.

"I showered and started working on some side projects I had been putting off all week."

TMI  

Comparing a woman to a car, how very…..unique, and not at all like a teenage boy, I mean are you teenager? Perhaps you should leave the coffee dates to the adults, you already seem a bit stunted. Also, maybe you should ask your parents to increase your allowance before your next date, in case you need any emergency money for grown up problems like parking tickets.

Uh..yeah somebody does have sand in their va jay jay but I'd say it's you since you're the one dissing people and chatting about their ass size in your sophomoric little gossip column.

Again the problem here is that you didn't tell her you'd be making measurements and then fucking posting them online you insufferable douche. It doesn't matter if you allegedly protected her identity you still fucking wrote about her for her to have to read you cod-hole! And she clearly told you in her post above that wasn't cool. Saying you stand by your statements just makes you look ever the horses-ass that people have been saying you are. How bout an apology and then don't effin do it again unless you and your date are both on the same page about the fact that you're using them to a: get some twat and 2: to fucking show off online about being a player? Everyone likes sexy monkey fun but manipulating people and then showing off about it just makes people want to bitch-slap you.

The reason folks like us are annoyed by wankers like you is that you ruin it for everyone else with your juevenile narcissism. Have a little decency sport and just a little grown-up discretion.  

Why don't you take a survey and see how many gals will go out with you once they know you'll be writing about them and their dimensions, and "oh my god, like what you did for, like, the first twenty minutes" eh valley girl? See how many chicks are really into that scooter. But in the meantime how bout just stop?

Yeah. Just focus on something else. Something of inherent value to humanity - something your kids might one day actually be proud of your for.

Get out and get some fresh air guy. Really.

I mean no offense to the bloggers who submit to "DATE MACHINE".

Why are you so compelled to share your "musings" with this bloggasphere?

Let us review Date Machines "Mission Statement".

"DATE MACHINE explores the triumphs and tragedies of your dating confessions. Look here for commentary, dating advice, and our own salacious (or ridiculous) dating stories."

Why would you submit a story about a boring date?

I think you should send "G" $50.00 via Paypal. It's the least you could do after you used your "boring" date story for your own exploitation/wankery. Use the internet for acts  of humanity, instead of the self indulgent drivel you have just served us.

Well amboabe I guess I'll have to disagree. And we can certainly leave it at that if you prefer to get back to your gossip column.

I think G there pretty clearly said she wouldn't have gone out with you if you told her you'd be writing about it. In other words: kind of fucked up of you to do. I don't read your many debates on the morality or lack there of on this subject nor do I wish to. I did stumble upon this posting though and think I, and many of the other people who think you're pretty douchey, are justified in our criticism of what you do here.

I do think I also have a point about kind of giving Hooksexup a shitty stigma. I think it's pooey of you to say "well it is egotistical of me and I don't care." Are you serious?

You've admitted to being a douche and still expect people not to laugh at you and call you what you are and thereby warn people about folks like you.

Now if you're so fair in your self deprecation why not talk about your flaccid pud and your sagging ass and doughy face since you're perfectly happy to talk about other real people who you have tricked into dates with you that way.

I don't think my comments put me in the mire with you. I'm not tricking people into being fodder for my gossip blog and using them for my own aggrandizement. I'm simply providing a bit of boundary for you to consider not crossing fella.

So what are you saying, that you ARE being "petty and cruel"?? Being braggadoucheious isn't helping your logic and it's not "audacity" it's fucking callous.  Furthermore no one said anything about windswept romance we simply suggest that maybe you're being a butthole on a simple human level.

I'm gunna bet you still don't tell your marks that you'll be writing about them.

Come on guy, send the girl 50 bucks for your transgressions. Sack up.

Mm-hmm. So now you're feeling a bit tender are ya? Don't much like people saying crap about you eh? People who are unrepentant about their ongoing "petty, ego-centric, and immature" ways that they refuse to grow out of to the detriment of others around them including those that they take advantage of. Uh-huh.

Alright maybe I was a bit rough on you for someone I don't really know.

I'm sorry boopy. O.k? I apologize.

See? If I can do it so can you.

And nothing says I'm sorry better than action. Why not tell your marks before they sign on to your experiment? And for the love of all that's holy, why not drag your mouse over to paypal like 'ruby' said and send 50 bucks to G?

Kumbiah playa'. Kumbiah.

This piece was kinda boring (comments section is the best part), but your other writing is not so bad. I get the feeling that you're just this lonely guy with a boring office job who has moved too many times. Living in San Francisco, you'll eventually realize that you are gay.

As I said before I was so rudely interrupted - look what the crap dragged in:

Shaniqua Danielle Tina Holly Boshra Adina Nicole Melissa Colleen Laura Jen Lilli Julie S Priya Cristi Amy Lyssa

current live-in banger

When making up names of girls you "F*CKED" it's better not to go alphabetically through your high school yearbook - yeah that one with the sticky pages... being a hipster fag now still doesn't make up for all those years being a "lose".  

WARNING: Do not feed the trolls

Hey there little zietgiesty fella. You getting your twat rubbed the wrong way now too beardo? Idn't that cute. Your fixie-pixie bedtime pal got his man-ties in a wad and begged you to save him from the harsh realities of publishing your fey little gossip columns where the rest of the world can let you know just how much of an unmitigated bag you are.

"Let'em crash". Nice.

So not only are you a pussy you're a complete douchecock as well.

Jeezus did you go to college at all? Your logic is shockingly frail.

Your domestic partner Amoabe didn't tell anyone they were buying tickets to his ejaculatory little house of horrors so suggesting they knew what they were getting into is patently absurd.

Am I gunna have to come on over to your douchey blog and biznitchslap you back to BillyBurg as well you useless hipterbag?

Good thing you posted your picture so the gals of Brooklyn can be warned online of the receptacle that you are. Hmm, lets see if can track down your real name and address...

Ah, there you are.

Little zitgiesty guy. Got your hackles up, eh?

Now we see what a giant choad you are.

Where's your originality parrot-boy? Come on, that degree from Sarah Lawrence must have been good for something other than experimenting with heroin and bisexuality.

Kale is good for you little feller. Didn't ya hear?

But Vienna Sausage? Now that just doesn't make much nutritional sense does it lil' slugger? Gosh who taught you how to feed yourself?

I understand if you're obsessed with Vienna sausages though since you caught your mommy poking them in and out of her buh-gina one day and have secretly been drawn to them ever since.

Like a true Choad-Wank.

But honestly they're no good for you guy.

So you live in Manhattan on daddy's credit card. Sweet. And you're obsessed with your wiener and feel the need to write about it on the internet thinggy. Wow - you are so cool.  

And so accomplished!

The reason people have a problem with lil' white-boy hipster-bags like you is not cause you're so painfully enslaved to your sartorial fetishes, not so much that you are a walking fucking ad for ipods, and not really that you mince about with an air of entitlement from the top floor of your trust-fund rented Manhattan apartments.

It's because you have nothing of redeeming value to add to humanity at large.

Read a fucking paper fun-boy. People are dying in Gaza and Sudan so that Douche Nozzles like you can prance about all the livelong day with nothing better to do but write a fucking diary about your douchey exploits.

It's a big gleeful day at the fucking fair for all of us to hear that you live in Manhattan on uncle Maddoffs Ponzi Scheme gold but would it kill you to quit jerkin your gherkin for a couple minutes and look out the window onto the rest of the actual world there beardo?

Come on down - we could use someone on the streets with that much wristpower.

BTW: Please send a pic of your tiny pee-pee so I can show it to the other girls in my eighth grade gym class. You make us laugh with your cutesy, sassy lil' chat column. (swoon!)

Geez Zeitghosty yer givin Hegel a case of dialeticarrhea all in his coffin. Future teleological analysis of your blog: you needed some attention, therefore blogging had to be invented before you ODed in Alphabet City and got Bornded Again.