According to convention, men are dogs and no more loyal than their current options. I don't like this stereotype. It makes me purse my lips and flatten my toes against the insides of my shoes. So there must be some truth to it. I've noticed that I sometimes have a wandering eye when I'm with women. Walking down the sidewalk arm in arm or sharing a table in a coffee shop somewhere, the jingle of the door opening and the stirring of color in my periphery draws my attention away. When that blur in the periphery comes into focus and becomes a woman I can't help but get drawn further into a look, like some dog hearing a distant barking.
According the stand-up comedian, men are always looking to trade up. They are satisfied with their partners so long as they don't have to face the fact that they might have gotten a better deal somewhere else. But what actually constitutes a better deal when it comes to a significant other? What is it that a man is wondering he'll find when his left eye catch on a passing woman?
If men are dogs then they can't be looking to trade up. Dogs are creatures of territory and powerful associations with a pack. I had two dogs growing up and I doubt either of them would have gone AWOL from our family home had they been tempted with a new home in the mountains with an endless supply of fresh bones to gnaw on and open lawn stretching to the horizon. One word from my father, one whistle, one jingle of the leash and they would have come sprinting back home with tongue happily flapping out of their mouths.
While it's impossible to erase the instinctual tether of home from a dog's mind, they are easily distracted. Likewise, I'm a creature wracked by distractions. The number of times I have opened and closed Facebook while writing these modest few paragraphs borders on dysfunctional. The same impulsive urge to toss a glance elsewhere is no less powerful in public. I immediately feel guilty for it. Sometimes I'll force myself to not look, to keep my line of sight trained directly on the woman I'm with, becoming distracted with my own rigidity in the process.
Is it an insult to look at other women, or men, when you're with someone? Is it an insinuation of disloyalty, the psychic tic of a wandering libido?
I can't think of seeing someone in terms of options. I understand the logic behind the idea, but it is totally incongruous with every impulse I've ever had when engaged with a woman. Everyone is surrounded with options, on all sides. Every single person walks out their door in the morning and passes someone else on the street that they could sleep with or date. Having options is hard work. Options can lead to opportunities, but those opportunities require effort, making, articulation of a specific desire, and the execution of a plan of action. Every option is a risk in its own way.
Some women are upset by knowing their men look around. They want to feel like their company is enough to consume their man's attention. His curious energies should all be applied towards her or something safe and innocuous, like the boat in the back yard or college sports.
I don't know why I look at other women. But I always look back again. The glance is never more than a second or two, before disinterest settles in. I look away, sending my eyes out over the vast lawn, pricking my ears up, and then return to the woman across the table. If men are as loyal as their options, what does it feel like to watch a man's gaze return to your face again and again and again?
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