Scanner

November 2007 - Posts

• Pam Thinking of Retiring Thing One and Thing Two

  Posted by Emily Farris

  Since marrying third hubby Rick Salomon (of Paris Hilton sex tape fame) in October, Pamela Anderson is "In every night. Having sex." And thinking about retirement. While she says it's still at least five years off, we think this could be a good thing for Pam. She's been looking a little rough around the edges for a while now, and what was once hot and sleazy behavior is now just a little sad. Except for Borat. We loved her in Borat.   + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 29 2007, 11:56 AM with 3 comment(s) Filed under: boobs, pamela anderson, borat

• It's Time to Lock Up Britney Spears' Knees and Throw Away the Key, Ya'll

  Posted by Nicole Pasulka

  Oops, she did it for what feels like the bazillionth time. Britney may not be able to dress herself or walk in a straight line, but she still has a talent for turning man-gravy into babies. (sorry!) That's right, dudes, record executive J.R. Rotem,who allegedly did Britney "tractor-style" earlier this year, put a baby in the lovely lady. As, you know, a little gift to the world. Shouldn't Cheeto dust make you infertile? Someone needs to start spiking her red bulls with birth control. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 29 2007, 11:30 AM with 1 comment(s) Filed under: britney spears, babies, cheetos

• Hot or Not?

  Posted by Emily Farris

  Hot or not? Gossip's Beth Ditto and kitty on the cover of the December/January issue of BUST Magazine. We're partial towards it, but that's just us. You decide. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 29 2007, 10:56 AM with 7 comment(s) Filed under: bust

• Hooksexup Goes Pink, Part 2: Vigilante Women's Army To Sass Up, Clean Up India

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  BBC is reporting what, in our minds, would probably wind up being the greatest Bollywood movie ever. India's 'Pink' Vigilante Women: They wear pink saris and go after corrupt officials and boorish men with sticks and axes. The several hundred vigilante women of India's northern Uttar Pradesh state's Banda area proudly call themselves the "gulabi gang" (pink gang), striking fear in the hearts of wrongdoers and earning the grudging respect of officials. [...] Two years after they gave themselves a name and an attire, the women in pink have thrashed men who have abandoned or beaten their wives and unearthed corruption in the distribution of grain to the poor. Think of the Bollywood possibilities! Beating down bad guys and then a montage of them singing and dancing in the rain? It'd be like Sin City with songs! And color! Maybe the Louisiana Pink Dolphin from yesterday could even make a cameo! + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 29 2007, 10:30 AM with no comments Filed under: vigilantes, pinkness, girl power

• Nothing Hotter Than Robots Getting It On

  Posted by Emily Farris

  Except maybe robot on human action, which David Levy posits will happen in the next 30 years in his new book "Love and Sex With Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships." While Salon thought he could have spiced it up a bit, considering the subject matter, he makes some pretty fascinating predictions: "Levy argues that...If machines improve at their current pace, in a few decades' time we'll likely see robots that can mimic human language, thought, appearances and emotions well enough to get us in the mood. (Levy predicts we'll see the first human-robot marriages by around 2035.) It seems crazy -- doesn't it? -- to think that people would choose to love robots rather than other people... "And it would fill your needs. In the sack, your robot would be a tiger or a lamb, however you like to roll. It could be programmed to fly into fits of rage -- because maybe you like some spice in your life? -- and/or to love to cuddle, it could be made to share your sexual interest in pie throwing, or your love of hippie jam bands, or, like Woody Allen's whores of Mensa, it could spend all night discussing Proust and Yeats." While it would take the fun out of all the things we love to hate about relationships-- anxiety, excitement, jealousy-- it does seem almost, slightly possible that we could fall in love with robots. After all, would you be more upset about losing that 'meh' significant other or your laptop? We're just saying.... But imagine that annoying friend of who won't give an inch to anyone and thinks she's perfect. What if she could program a being to love her "just the way she is?" We're not saying we're not looking forward to a little anatomically-correct robot on human action—we are!—but if we ever get engaged to one, please knock us off. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 29 2007, 10:01 AM with 2 comment(s) Filed under: robot sex, books

• Video of the Day: Binoculars Soccer

  Posted by Nicole Pasulka

  Because seeing people wildly kick the air and trip over the ball isn't quite humiliating enough, this Japanese TV show has decked out binoculars soccer players in striped onesies. (via YesButNoButYes) + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 29 2007, 09:41 AM with 1 comment(s)

• Stating the Obvious: People Read That Shit

  Posted by Emily Farris

  When we started a blog a few years ago, we gave up all hope of ever having a real job (teacher, politician, woman of the cloth, anything with benefits, etc). We proudly proclaimed to anyone who asked that we'd just as soon not work for someone who wouldn't want us to work for him because of what he found on the Internets. That said, we don't post pictures of our tits or write vivid descriptions of our wildest hopes and deepest fears on MySpace, either. That's reserved for 16-year-olds. Rather, it was a few years ago. But yesterday's 16-year-olds are growing up and trying to get into college and/or get real jobs. And their "electronic footprints" could make it a little harder: "The cost to a person's future can be very high if something undesirable is found by the increasing number of education institutions and employers using the internet as a tool to vet potential students or employees,"[warns David Smith of the UK's Information Commissioner's Office.] The lesson here, kids? If you don't want to end up like us--uninsured with unfilled cavities and unpaid credit card bills--mop up those electronic footprints, STAT!  + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 29 2007, 09:07 AM with 2 comment(s) Filed under: myspace, employment, teenagers

• It Never Ends: Giuliani Billed NYC Taxpayers To Bang His Mistress/Future-Wife

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  Since we've been running at the rate of almost a sex scandal every day this week, it's about time we finally get one that involves one of the nation's 138 presidential candidates. Rudy Giuliani, come on down! As New York mayor, Rudy Giuliani billed obscure city agencies for tens of thousands of dollars in security expenses amassed during the time when he was beginning an extramarital relationship with future wife Judith Nathan in the Hamptons, according to previously undisclosed government records. [...] At the time, the mayor’s office refused to explain the accounting to city auditors, citing “security.” Frankly, our brains are in no shape to decode the entire article, which uses complex journalistic devices like "facts" and "numbers" to describe the various sums involved and what seem to be the attempts to cover them up. So we suggest having a look for yourself. But one thing we definitely did notice: there's nothing here like, say, a receipt with Rudy's name on it for a "Bend Over Boyfriend" kit. (Oh, you know that's his thing.) [Via Daily Kos] + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 29 2007, 08:00 AM with 2 comment(s) Filed under: scandals, 2008, Rudolph Giuliani, adultery

• An Open Letter to OJ Simpson

  Posted by Emily Farris

  OJ, OJ, OJ. When will you learn? You can't just go around doing shit, plead not guilty, and expect to not get in trouble for it. We know you got off easy once or twice in your life, but this shit has got to stop. You're an adult. Seriously? Robbing people at gunpoint? Don't you have, like, lots of money? We're sure you can find a well-paying job writing a book about how you didn't kill your ex wife, or if you did how it would have gone down. If that doesn't work out for you, maybe you could get a job acting? You've had two successful careers. Maybe you could have another. What about Dancing With the Stars? All we're saying is, you have some good things going in your life. You need to focus on those things and stop with all this jerking around. We're not trying to make you feel bad or anything. We're only telling you this because we care. Really, OJ, we do. P.S. Please send us a holiday bed vibrator. Thanks! + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 04:47 PM with no comments Filed under: OJ Simpson

• Give the Gift of Life This Holiday Season: A Vibrator

  Posted by Emily Farris

  George Elwell, president of SilentCall, knows that wrapping paper can be scary. In fact, it's on his short list of common holiday hazards, along with such dangers as "misuse of extension cords, holiday candles and too many lights on a tree." That's why he's created "One of the most effective life-saving alerts," a vibrator to be placed under a mattress that goes off when it receives a signal from a smoke or carbon monoxide detector.  "When we are sound asleep after a full day of shopping or a busy night entertaining we can benefit most from a bed vibrator system," says Elwell. "It is something we don't think about but should!" Oh, we've thought about it. And we want one. We're going to leave candles burning all night next to our dry tree, piles of wrapping paper and misused extension cords. Send it to Hooksexup, New York, NY. Thanks, Mr. Elwell. And a happy holidays to you, too.   + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 03:50 PM with no comments Filed under: vibrators, holidays

• Only 5 Days Left to Own Official Claire-from-"Heroes" Spandex

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  Hey, you! You got 120 hours, a couple grand to burn, and an obsessive preoccupation with Hayden Panettiere? We thought so. Then please to consider pointing your internet browser to the NBC Auction site, where one may currently find, at the modest price of $1,200, lot #599: an actual cheerleading costume worn by Heroes character Claire the Cheerleader on her indestructable and recently un-jailbait-y cheerleading-type body. You know it's authentic because, er, they say so. And you know it's classy because they remembered to include a pic of the extra-snug shorts, replete with the slightest hint of official Heroes cameltoe. Don't let sabre813 be the lucky fool, er, chump, er, perv, er, fella who pays 4 months rent for a piece of television history! Bid today! [Via Defamer]  + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 03:41 PM with 4 comment(s) Filed under: auctions, underwear, Hayden Panettiere, Heroes

• And You Thought the Keeper Was Kind of Nasty

  Posted by Nicole Pasulka

  Totally bizarre and foul: Used condoms are being recycled to make hair bands in China. According to the AFP these "materials" could spread sexually transmitted diseases to hair band users. Right, the same sexually transmitted diseases we use condoms to prevent. Surprise ladies, your hair band has genital warts! OK so we are repulsed, but a little skeptical. According to this site, there's a used condom inside that hair band, but the "dermatologist" who claims these hair bands spread "AIDS" might be a bit of a Dr. Nick. And that's how we know we've got a real disgusting story on our hands. Even if it's only half true and there are no real health risks, we still want to throw up before jumping in a chemical shower.  + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 03:30 PM with 2 comment(s) Filed under: foul, horrible, disgusting

• Ladies: Like, 5% of You Are About to Get Hot for "Peter From London"

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  You and I might look at the old ads collected in "You Mean a Woman Can Open It...? The Woman's Place in the Classic Age of Advertising" and find them adorably quaint, which is not to say "archaically, fantastically sexist." But not everyone in the world is a smelly hippie like you or me. From a recent feature excerpting bits of the book on the Daily Mail: All seems perfectly reasonable to me, if it perchance offends the PC brigade they can always get stuffed. - Peter, London I wonder if Peter's last name is "Johnson." 'Cause it seems like a double-phallic name would be the only possible way he could be more of a dick. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 03:04 PM with no comments Filed under: douchebag, advertisements

• "The L Word" Turkish Oil Wrestles With Our Hearts

  Posted by Nicole Pasulka

  If we haven't said it enough, God bless The L Word. Seriously, people, you can hate all you want, but if you watch this lesbian Turkish oil wrestling promo and you still feel crabby about the show, it may be time to slick up and get into the ring yourself. See, cause it's women's Turkish oil wrestling, which is real, and women only, and very, very raunchy. Like in a wild, filthy, you don't see this every day or even every six months kind of way. So, The L Word, again, reminds us of why we love lesbians. Not that we needed a reason.  + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 02:45 PM with 1 comment(s) Filed under: l word, turkish oil wrestling, magic

• Ill Doctrine Basically Nails Our Entire Dilemma re: the Interwebs

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  Not content with providing one of the best treatises on our remarkably stubborn president, Jay Smooth over at the excellent video blog (we refuse to say "vlog" as a noun) Ill Doctrine has also decided to expound on the whole problem with making cracks at Amy Winehouse's expense -- and in doing so, pretty much reached right into our troubled little skulls and summed up the contradictions we here at Scanner face every single day. We're not even gonna put the video on our site, since you really should go have a look at the real thing. Just go. But you gotta promise to come right back! (Also, we're guessing a few of you ladies will be all up on the Jay Smooth tip after having a look. So don't say we never did nothing for ya!) UPDATE: OK, we lie. Click through for the Winehouse clip. Read More... + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 02:23 PM with 3 comment(s) Filed under: amy winehouse, Jay Smooth, blogging, Ill Doctrine, not being a douche

• Christina Bares Her Big 'Ol Baby Belly

  Posted by Emily Farris

  Like Demi Moore and Britney Spears before her, Christina Aguilera has decided to bare her big ol' baby belly on the cover of January's Marie Claire. Inside the glossy mag, Christina confronts "confrontational sexuality" and how it might affect life with baby and hubby Jordan Bratman: "We're so labeled. If you're too sexual, you're slutty. If you're not sexual enough, you're a prude. I like to put it out there as a topic of conversation. Why does it bother you? What's your problem with it? Am I really hurting you? Let's get to the root of it." When it comes to herself, she adds, "I have more than one side of me that likes to get out on a stage and sing. Sometimes I want to be aggressive, sometimes I want to feel empowered in my sexuality and my vulnerability. I want to put all that out there." While she looks hot, there's always something a little disturbing about a come-fuck-me-look on a pregnant lady. Not that we think there's anything wrong with it, probably just because it reminds us a little of Ready to Drop #2: Poppin Mamas.     + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 02:12 PM with 2 comment(s) Filed under: christina aguilera, pregnant

• Under Barack Obama, Ama, Ama, Ama, Eh, Eh, Eh

  Posted by Emily Farris

  We don't know how we missed this -- except that we don't watch MadTv -- but this Hillary Clinton Featuring Barack Obama spoof on "Umbrella" is pretty hot. Especially when Hillary is slapping Barack's blue-checkered boxer ass. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 01:12 PM with 1 comment(s) Filed under: video, politics, hillary clinton, satire, Barack Obama, ass-slapping

• Dear Cocksuckers at HBO: Finish "Deadwood" Already!

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  So, a few weeks ago, we ran across this interview on CHUD with Hitman star and former sherriff of TV's Deadwood Timothy Olyphant, and it totally bummed us out. Now that it appears that the Deadwood TV movies are probably not going to happen, what are your thoughts on the show's legacy?[...] Do you feel kind of gypped that you won't have a chance to go back and finish up with those bookend films? Honestly? It always feels a little... I could really give a shit. I mean it in the most respectful way. I had a great time on that show, and I am thankful to have that experience. To look at it from any other angle is, I think, a slippery slope. I don't think anybody owes me anything. I walk away from that saying thank God it existed. I have great relationships from that show. And you know what's better than seven or eight years on TV? Three years on TV. OK, well, nuts. As some of you no doubt know, Deadwood was unceremoniously canceled by HBO after its third season, by which time it had developed its own very profane taxonomy, about 30 ongoing story arcs, and a cult following that, while never Sopranosish in size or intensity, nonetheless would probably have stuck with the show through thick, thin, and possibly even messianic surfers. There were rumors of wrapping up the plots with a few movie length installments, but nothing's come of it, despite the continuing dedication of the fans. And if this interview is to be believed, it'd be hard to imagine the show coming back without Olyphant as Sherriff Seth Bullock anyways. Well, cut to last week, and Ian McShane talking about doing Pinter onstage with Time Out New York. Read More... + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 12:30 PM with 4 comment(s) Filed under: tv, HBO, Deadwood, rants

• "Shockingly Pink" Dolphin Will Warm Our Hearts, Sass Up Our Oceans

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  A one-of-a-kind hot pink bottlenose dolphin has appeared off the Louisiana shore, stumping marine biologists and underwater decorators alike. "It was absolutely, stunningly pink," said [Erik] Rue, owner of Calcasieu Charter Service. "I had never seen anything like it. It's the same color throughout the whole body. It looks like it just came out of a paint booth." [...] The only pink dolphins known worldwide are the freshwater variety in the Amazon. The boto, as they are called, are the largest river dolphins on the planet. And while they are very pink, they also have gray splotches on their backs and fins. You know what, we'll toss this one to you. Back in the 90's, a white buffalo -- sacred to the Lakota Sioux -- was born in South Dakota and wound up on The X-Files. What show would a pink dolphin be best on today? + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 11:35 AM with 3 comment(s) Filed under: science, pink dolphin, have your say

• Get Knocked Up, Get Paid

  Posted by Emily Farris

  We grew up in a kind-of po-dunk place. Once, in the tenth grade, when the office lady called the names of nine girls to the health room, it took us a few minutes to realize that those were all the pregnant girls in our class. It happens, especially in small towns; girls get knocked up in high school. But none of them, as far as we know, did it on purpose, and we have enough faith in our former guidance counselors to know that they probably didn't recommend it. Even in college, when we needed more loans to cover tuition and went into the financial aid office to cry every semester, no one suggested we get pregnant to get more money from the state. Maybe that's because Bush's abstinence-only funding plan is paying off? Because across the pond, an orphaned teenage girl in West Yorkshire was told by her benefits advisor that the only way she'd get more money from the state was to get knocked up. While this was run as one of those kind of "feel good, help this poor girl" stories, in the UK's Metro, it kind of pisses us off. But if it would make her boyfriend stay with her forever and ever against his will, that's a whole other story... + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 10:40 AM with no comments Filed under: high school, pregnant teens, the UK

• Cheap Army Uniforms Causing Crotch Blow-Out

  Posted by Emily Farris

  For those unlucky enough to be stuck fighting in Iraq, the last thing they need is a busted crotch on their fatigues. But when the U.S. government is too cheap to provide anything but a single-stitch where it matters most, blown-out pants are apparently an all-too-often occurrence in the Army. Since soldiers began reporting "crotch durability problems" two years ago, they're working on keeping our boys in combat all covered up. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 09:57 AM with 1 comment(s) Filed under: crotch, army, Iraq, crotch durability, uniforms

• Buzzkill Judge De-Robed

  Posted by Emily Farris

  Look, we know cell phone rings are annoying. Especially when the ring tone is set to some terribly catchy song like "Umbrella" (ellah, ellah, ella! eh, eh eh!). We've wanted to politely (and not so politely) ask people on the subway to please stop testing out their new ringers but usually we just roll our eyes and try to look really annoyed so the guilty party will stop the insanity. But that works just about as well as it does on people who clip their nails on the train: not at all.   But back in 2005, one judge must have heard one too many cell phones ringing on his way to work, because when one rang in his court room, he snapped. "Everyone is going to jail," the judge said. "Every single person is gong to jail in this courtroom unless I get that instrument now. If anybody believes I'm kidding, ask some of the folks that have been here for a while. You are all going." He was fo' reals. When none of the 46 people in the room came forward, he sentenced them all to jail. And now he's been removed from the bench. Image via Son of the South.  + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 09:07 AM with no comments Filed under: cell phones

• "Coil of Excrement" Line Tips Bad Sex Award to the Late, Great Norman Mailer

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  It's a real shame that Norman Mailer was not alive to accept -- or maybe violently reject -- his latest accolade: the 2007 Bad Sex in Literature Award (which Emily noted yesterday). What would he have said in response to winning for a scene in "The Castle in the Forest," his first book in ten years, depicting a bit of oral between Hitler's parents... and Satan? So Klara turned head to foot, and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard-breathing nose and mouth, and took his old battering ram into her lips. Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless with an avidity that could come only from the Evil One - that she knew....So now they both had their heads at the wrong end, and the Evil One was there. He had never been so close before. The Hound began to come to life. Right in her mouth. It surprised her. Alois had been so limp. But now he was a man again! OK, we don't care if Jeannette Winterson's nominee involved girl-on-robot action: how could anything beat a coprophilia-tinged, threeway sixty-nine between relatives of Hitler and Special Guest Star The Dark Lord -- written by a dead 80-year old? Like, what is possibly missing from that? That shit beats anything at anything. The Bad Sex Award, the Pulitzer Prize, the Goodwill Games, So You Think You Can Dance... they're all in the bag. [Thanks, Robert 4343!]  + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 28 2007, 08:23 AM with no comments Filed under: norman mailer, bad sex, prizes, Castle in the Forest, Bad Sex in Literature Award, Hitler, oral sex

• Up To Our Tatas in Sex Scandals

  Posted by Emily Farris

  What better way to end the day than with a second sex scandal? Looks like the president and CEO of the American Red Cross, Mark Everson, was getting it on with a subordinate employee. Upon hearing of this, the Board of Governors obviously and immediately asked him to resign. Which, of course, he did. They decided that Everson, who joined the Red Cross in May "reflected poor judgment" and "diminished his ability to lead the organization in the future." But really, how better to lead the organization than getting subordinates to be even more subordinate? The possibilities for a new motto are endless: "together, we can make babies," "together, we can make everyone we work with jealous," "together, we can be save Britney Spears." Everson's very brief statement can be found here. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 27 2007, 05:15 PM with 1 comment(s) Filed under: sex scandals, Red Cross

• Thoughts on Heath as Joker in "The Dark Knight"?

  Posted by Bryan Christian

  Not that you can get to it right now, but over on SuperHeroHype.com they've got the first decent picture of gay cowboy and single dad Heath Ledger as The Joker from next year's The Dark Knight. "He's a cold-blooded, mass-murdering clown," touts the headline, to which we say "Der." Also, Batman is a cold-blooded, injustice-avenging rich guy, and a ham sandwich is bread with ham in the middle. Tell us something we don't know, fella. Anyone else a little queezy over whether Dark Knight will come off? (God, we're skeptical about everything these days.) We're fans of Ledger, but it's hard to imagine him pulling off such an outsize role when his best moments have been largely interior-ish -- Brokeback, Monster's Ball, even his sly little turn in 10 Things I Hate About You. Not to mention the fact that while cribbing the title from Frank Miller's epic The Dark Knight Returns was a ballsy move, if the story pales in comparison -- or maybe even hews too closely -- it might backfire with the fanboys. To be fair, though, we thought Batman Begins was gonna be crap until we saw it, whereupon we wanted to get right back in line again. Also: we'll totally wind up seeing Dark Knight on opening weekend anyway, so why don't we just shut the hell up? What do you think? Full pic and comments after the jump. Read More... + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 27 2007, 04:55 PM with 4 comment(s) Filed under: comics, Heath Ledger, The Joker, Batman

• The Blogger Who Cried "GAY!"

  Posted by Emily Farris

  Blogger BigHeadDC might not be getting that million dollars from Larry Flynt as quickly as he first thought. Our little red-headed gay escort friend is vehemently denying any kind of relationship with Senator Lott. From Benjamin Nicholas' blog: "It looks like a Washington DC-based blog called BigHeadDC is making claim that there was (or, is) a working relationship between myself and Senator Trent Lott. There are falsely pieced-together quotes that serve no purpose other than to sensationalize a completely fabricated scoop. "I will continue to offer a great sense of confidentiality to the people I see. I have not, nor have I ever seen or had contact with Senator Trent Lott. It’s as simple as that. It never happened." There's quite a bit to be read into that second part. And if someone was offering us that kind of money for uncovering sex scandals (technically, Flynt was offering it to anyone, so it could have been us) we might have worked a little harder to dig up some Republican gossip, too. Not that we're ruling out the possibility of this being true, because we love us a good sex scandal!  See the email exchange between Nicholas and BigHeadDC here. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 27 2007, 04:15 PM with 2 comment(s) Filed under: scandals, escorts, Trent Lott, bloggers, larry flynt, Benjamin Nicholas

• "Why don't football players wee-wee after a game?"

  Posted by Emily Farris

  The question that changed our lives, according to Dr. Robert Cade, the creator of Gatorade, who died today of kidney failure at the ripe old age of 80. According to his NYT obituary, he came up with the idea for the popular sports drink after his researchers found that football players could lose up to 18 pounds in sweat during a football game -- which is one of those things that if we tried to do, we'd end up looking back while wearing our skinny jeans on our death bed saying, "It seemed like a good idea at the time." Anyway, he's off to the Pearly Gates of electrolyte heaven. Dr. Cade, we salute you for helping make our hangovers a little easier, one red sports drink at a time.  + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 27 2007, 03:20 PM with 2 comment(s) Filed under: dead people

• If These Pictures Are Square, We're Pink and Purple Striped

  Posted by Nicole Pasulka

  Looking to waste a few hours today? Neither were we, but it happened anyway after we got blissfully sucked into Square America, a website of endless photos from the first 3/4 of the 20th century. Photos of roads, photos of what was on television, photos of freaky-ass dance parties. Photos of what seems like every goddamn thing that happened during those 75 years. It's like spying on someone through the window, or going through the trash for secrets. Totally square, totally amazing.   + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 27 2007, 03:08 PM with 2 comment(s) Filed under: photos, square

• Baby Does 'Burbs, But Does He? We're Confused

  Posted by Emily Farris

  News flash: Apparently single hipsters aren't successful or motivated enough to sustain the economy of a city. But good news for cities: the hipsters are increasingly getting married and having babies. But, oops, more bad news: when they do, they flee cities like New York and San Francisco, according to this editorial in the Wall Street Journal: There is a basic truth about the geography of young, educated people. They may first migrate to cities like New York, Los Angeles, Boston or San Francisco. But they tend to flee when they enter their child-rearing years. Family-friendly metropolitan regions have seen the biggest net gains of professionals, largely because they not only attract workers, but they also retain them through their 30s and 40s. While none of that comes as much of a surprise, you could have fooled us. You can't walk ten feet in Brooklyn without running into a Bugaboo. But we're not economists or statisticians. We just have to ride really crowded subways with crying babies. + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 27 2007, 02:32 PM with 1 comment(s) Filed under: babies

• Tyra Banks Has Some Issues With Her Wigonistication

  Posted by Nicole Pasulka

  Everyone's favorite Gabologist, Ty-ray-ray Banks has been having some ish with her hairs. The problem: They come from horses, or maybe from Egyptian Pharoah Ramses II (13th century BC is so hot right now!). Yeah, wherever she got the wig, it seems to be standing in the way of her relationships with men. According to a source, "Tyra feels like guys are with her for her image that they see on TV and in magazines. If one wakes up without her glamorous hair, she's worried he may not call back!" Yes, the lack of glamorous hair would surely be the reason Tyra didn't get a second date. This is all horrible and good, but we can still sleep easy knowing that Tyra won't turn to alcohol or drugs. The Supercalifragalista (sorry, joke's just not old yet!) has said, "Every now and then I'll order some wine at the table. I'll only take two sips, but I'll keep holding the glass cause it makes me feel sexy, but I still don't drink it because it still tastes kind of nasty to me." Some advice for next time: If you want to look really sexy, give the wine to you date.  + DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT Posted Nov 27 2007, 01:30 PM with no comments Filed under: ancient egypt, Tyra Banks, wigs