Scanner Santa has a slew of gift ideas for you: sex toys, DVDs, a pair of shoes and... an artificial virginity hymen?
Plus, there's a mother lode of delectable posts you missed out on this week...
HIGHS:
Fleshbot stuffed our stockings with dildos.
The 1925 office party almost made us wish we worked in an actual office instead of in our underwear.
Santacon: the only holiday event we participate in, besides gift-receiving.
The publishing industry is in turmoil-- get people books as presents, if you can.
It's the end of the year: time to crown a new Miss World and imprison the losers in a zoo.
Cops and hookers celebrated the holiday as only they can(not, under police rules.)
Scanner Verena drooled over the Santa undie run.
Joe Biden got himself a lovely Christmas present.
We're no longer afraid of Mike Tyson, thanks to how much turkey he obviously ate last month.
Italian scientists gave the women of the world the greatest gift of all: orgasms.
LOWS:
George Bush ducked a pair of shoes-- this would've been a high, if not for his excellent reflexes.
He responded to the controversy by releasing this atrocious video of his family's acting skills, which are worse than Leonardo DiCaprio's.
Paula Abdul also dumped some holiday crap on us.
We're still trying to figure out how Scanner Matt narrowed down this list to a mere 5 shittastic Christmas commercials.
This holiday season, skip the rom-coms that will be cropping up in your gift boxes.
The Artificial Virginity Hymen should not be on Christmas list. Just stop.
Meanwhile, Time Warner wasted time it should've better spent fixing New York's internet problems by producing this calendar.
And we're not sure if this is a high or a low: but an obviously poor boy broke into a dollar store to play with some of their toys. Merry Christmas, kid.
Same with this: Scanner Emily peaced out on NYC, moved to Missoura. We'll miss her physical presence up North, but she'll still be around in our Google chats and sidebars, for sure, starting next week.