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Rose & Olive

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Your daily cup of WTF?

Hooksexup@SXSW 2006.
Blogging the Roman Orgy of Indie-music Festivals.

Coming Soon!

The Daily Siege
An intimate and provocative look at Siege's life, work and loves.

Kate & Camilla
two best friends pursue business and pleasure in NYC.

Naughty James
The lustful, frantic diary of a young London photographer.

The Hooksexup Blog-a-log

The Prowl, with Ryan Pfluger

ScreenGrab
The Hooksexup Film Blog

Hooksexup @ Cannes Film Festival
May 16 - May 25

ScreenGrab
The Hooksexup Film Blog

new this week

Mythbuster by Jocelyn Guest
The sexologist who exposed the greatest sexology hoax of the 1970s is back. /regulars/

Horoscopes by Neal Medlyn
Your week in sex. /regulars/

Scanner by Gwynne Watkins and Ada Calhoun
Nothing says "happy holidays" like koalas getting it on.

The Screengrab by Bilge Ebiri
Today on Hooksexup's film blog: Does Sundance still matter?

My Dad and Bob Dylan by Rachel Shukert
In a world of promiscuous fandom, I admire my father's lifelong bond. /personal essays/

Seasons Change by Tema Stauffer
A year in the nude: hotel rooms, beaches, blue moods. /photography/

Backyard Avalon by Autumn Sonnichsen
California dreaming . . . of naked fun in the sun. /photography/

Miss Information by Erin Bradley
I slept with my best friend's little sister! /advice/

DISPATCHES

Question 3: When you're lusting after other people, do you tell your partner?

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John: In passing, I'd definitely say I thought someone was pretty. And definitely, they'd always say the same thing to me. So I think that's kind of open. But I'd never say, "I would sleep with that girl."

David: Yeah, we share crushes and interests that we have, but it's generally something that almost feels a little adolescent. It's understood that it's not something we're going to act on. I guess I'm saying that behaviorally we don't have an open relationship, but psychologically we have an open relationship, in terms of talking about other people and how we respond to them sexually and emotionally. But it's a tricky thing to do in a healthy way. It's a slippery slope.

Martin: Yes, I think that's a good thing. I mean, you don't want to be turning your head to stare each time a good-looking girl walks by. But if you're, say, watching a movie with a beautiful girl in the lead, then you've got to be able to say that you think she's hot. I like talking to girls about which other guys they find attractive, although it'll usually make me feel a bit insecure. You know your girlfriend is talking to her friends about other people she finds attractive, so it feels better if she can tell you too. There's something beautiful if your girlfriend can say "I really find this guy attractive," but you know that she'd never go home with him.

Emma: I don't really want to know if my boyfriend is lusting after another girl. And I don't think he would like to know if I was. But just purely aesthetically, if I think somebody is good-looking, we discuss that. But that's more on the platonic level. So basically, we can discuss a sort of aesthetic attraction, or beauty, but not necessarily a physical attraction or lust.

Julia: If you and your partner are secure in the relationship, you can be totally honest. You don't have to hide attraction to other people.

Sandy: In my long-term relationships, we've been able to talk about who we think is hot, but with the understanding that we weren't planning to act on those thoughts.

Chad: I really don't go there. I've been with people who have done that to me, and it made me feel uncomfortable. And I've done it a little with people I've dated, but I try not to make a habit out of it. If you're in a really long-term relationship, I think maybe that's healthy. I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about other people being attractive.

Dupé: Yes, I do. Actually, I usually tell my partner about girls that I see, not guys, and I think it's because we can both relate to that. And it's fun to do. Some guys feel weird saying another guy is good-looking or whatever, but most of the guys I've dated have been cool like that. I can say, "Oh, that guy is cute." Actually, they know how to point out the kind of guys that I would find attractive. They say, "Hey Dupé, I bet you think that guy is cute, don't you." But they wouldn't say, "Hm, I think that guy is kind of cute," how we would say about a girl. He wouldn't, unless I brought it up.

Carm: No, not unless I wanted to act on it. But if I don't, then I wouldn't tell. No.

James: If I was deeply in love with that other person, yes.

Nadia: Lust is a rather strong word. I don't lust after anyone else. I don't need to. I'm pretty sure I'm fully informed about what he's feeling. Although now you've got me thinking . . .

Mark: I tell them if they want to know. Most of the time it's obvious, so it hasn't been an issue either way. The only time it's a problem is when it's hidden. If it's innocent, there's no need to hide.

Question 1: In a relationship, what do you consider cheating?
Question 2: What's your experience with open relationships?
Question 3: When you're lusting after other people, do you tell your partner?
Question 4: If you discover your partner's cheating, what's your reaction?
Question 5: If you find out a friend of yours has cheated on their partner, does that change your opinion of your friend?
Question 6: What do you about having sex with one person for the rest of your life?

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