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Rose & Olive

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Your daily cup of WTF?

Hooksexup@SXSW 2006.
Blogging the Roman Orgy of Indie-music Festivals.

Coming Soon!

The Daily Siege
An intimate and provocative look at Siege's life, work and loves.

Kate & Camilla
two best friends pursue business and pleasure in NYC.

Naughty James
The lustful, frantic diary of a young London photographer.

The Hooksexup Blog-a-log

The Prowl, with Ryan Pfluger

ScreenGrab
The Hooksexup Film Blog

Hooksexup @ Cannes Film Festival
May 16 - May 25

ScreenGrab
The Hooksexup Film Blog

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Mythbuster by Jocelyn Guest
The sexologist who exposed the greatest sexology hoax of the 1970s is back. /regulars/

Horoscopes by Neal Medlyn
Your week in sex. /regulars/

Scanner by Gwynne Watkins and Ada Calhoun
Nothing says "happy holidays" like koalas getting it on.

The Screengrab by Bilge Ebiri
Today on Hooksexup's film blog: Does Sundance still matter?

My Dad and Bob Dylan by Rachel Shukert
In a world of promiscuous fandom, I admire my father's lifelong bond. /personal essays/

Seasons Change by Tema Stauffer
A year in the nude: hotel rooms, beaches, blue moods. /photography/

Backyard Avalon by Autumn Sonnichsen
California dreaming . . . of naked fun in the sun. /photography/

Miss Information by Erin Bradley
I slept with my best friend's little sister! /advice/

DISPATCHES

Question 5: If you discover a friend has cheated on his or her partner, does that change your opinion of that friend?

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John: No. I wouldn't think of them as being a bad person at all. If they were in a really committed relationship, I would definitely suggest they'd made a bad decision.

David: Yeah, it does, and I've only realized that in the last year or two. I never thought it would. I hate to say it makes me think less of someone, but it does. It's not that I think, "If you do this to them, then what will you do to me and our friendship?" It's purely about what they're doing to the person they're seeing. I don't think that if someone cheats, they're also predisposed to steal or lie, or whatever, but what they're doing to their mate is unfortunate. It makes me sad.

Martin: I might be less inclined to hang out with someone who treats girls like shit. I kind of feel like I'm getting too old to sit around and joke about what an asshole I am, like being hung over on a Sunday morning and all, "Hehehe, she's out of town, so I slept with someone else." I'm not interested in that, I'm looking to have a serious relationship. So I might like a friend less if he acts like that. If you're friends with someone, it's because you like them and you share an idea of how things should be.

Emma: It wouldn't change my opinion of my friend. Unless I had a friend who cheated with a friend's partner. Then I would think less of them. My primary loyalty is to my friend, unless I know the person they cheated on, in which case it would become more complicated.

Julia: No, it doesn't. Because I'm not them, so I can't really judge what's going on exactly.

Sandy: It depends on the context of the cheating. One of my friends was in a relationship when she fell in love with someone else. She really tried not to cheat, but they ended up kissing, and she was really torn up about it. I wasn't going to lose respect for her either way, because she was so fraught about it. My friends are thoughtful people, and they would be thoughtful about something like that.

Chad: No, not really. Because I'm learning that happens more often than I used to think. Especially in a place like New York, being gay, it's a lot more accepted. Boys will be boys, unfortunately.

Dupé: No, not really. Maybe it's a double standard? I just figure it's none of my business, men do it all the time. If a friend of mine is cheating on their partner, it's none of my business. As long as no one is cheating on my friend. That's when it's different for me. Because that could hurt my friend and I know that information. To me, that would be lying if I didn't say it to my friend, because then it does have something to do with me. But if you're my friend and you're cheating on somebody, and they're not my friend, I don't know them, more power to you. That's how I feel.

Carm: I would want to be a friend and not be mean to him. But deep down, I might be mad or disappointed.

James: No. Maybe it's different for women — I don't know, maybe it isn't — but if a guy's friend tells him stuff like that, you just sort of deal with it. You might have a quick talk. But I wouldn't hold it against him too much, unless it was something really despicable.

Nadia: No. It's not my business in the least, and you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Just because I don't approve doesn't mean there aren't a million and one other factors involved.

Mark: It really depends on the situation. Was it a one-time lapse in judgement? Did they do it to hurt the partner? Am I close friends with the partner? I try not to get emotionally involved in friends' relationships. But screw over a close friend, and that becomes difficult.

Question 1: In a relationship, what do you consider cheating?
Question 2: What's your experience with open relationships?
Question 3: When you're lusting after other people, do you tell your partner?
Question 4: If you discover your partner's cheating, how do you react?
Question 5: If you discover a friend has cheated on his or her partner, does that change your opinion of your friend?
Question 6: What do you think about having sex with one person for the rest of your life?

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