John: I don't know anybody who's had one. It seems like a bad idea.
Martin: I know a lot of relationships in New York that are loosely defined. And I think that works pretty well in this city. We all have such crazy lives and jobs that having a relationship can be difficult, so it's good if you can be a bit flexible. But if you live together, it seems extremely depressing to have an open relationship. To lay awake waiting for your girlfriend to come home and then have her be like, "Oh I'm sleeping somewhere else tonight," that would be horrible.
Emma: I haven't been in an open relationship in which I've been emotionally involved with that person, and I don't know anybody else who has, either. I've been in an open relationship where none of us were emotionally involved. But it doesn't work forever. After a while, if you don't become emotionally involved with that person, you tend to become emotionally involved with someone else. Or the other person does.
David: I know more and more people in open relationships. My partner and I sort of toy with the idea, but what looks good on paper doesn't always work in real life. Generally, I don't know many people in open relationships that have lasted. Some have had healthy open relationships for years. But they always seem to end, somehow, because of the open relationship: one person became more involved with the outside partner.
Julia: I've never been in one myself, and the only people I know who have aren't in one anymore. It didn't work. I think eventually you have to make a choice: be with somebody, or don't. No matter how many agreements you make, eventually someone is going to get their feelings hurt.
Sandy: I've been in a couple of open relationships. I recommend it. I mean, it's complicated, but I think it's just like any other relationship. The key is to be upfront about your intentions. In my case, I was dating lots of different people, and they all knew I was dating lots of different people. But I would have considered it cheating if I led any of them to believe that they were the only one. I really do believe that the open relationship is the most realistic way to have a relationship, because it acknowledges that each person is still a complete, free individual. We forget that when we're monogamous.
Chad: I have never been in one, but I have been with people who have been in them. Right now, I'm in a situation where I'm "the other woman." It's quite frustrating, because he's actually someone I could fall for, in a real way. And at the end of the day, he has somebody to go home to, and I don't. It seems to me that in the gay community — whatever that means — this open-relationship thing seems to be much more normal than it is in the straight community. I've never had one. I don't know if I ever will. I just think it's very complicated and risky.
Dupé: I've tried it, but it doesn't work for me. If I ever say I want to be in an open relationship, that means I'm settling for second best, and it's because I don't want to lose this person completely, so I'd rather have a little bit of them. I may have suggested it, but it's never worked, because I'm a one-man — or one-woman — person. But I have met people in open relationships, and they're always complaining about it. You'd think they'd be happier.
Carm: I think of them as a '60s thing, like swinging parties and free love.
James: I haven't been in one, but that's because I'm not really a player. I don't find myself in situations where I could have more than one girlfriend.
Nadia: I was in a don't-ask, don't-tell situation once. There was significant distance, and it was one of those, "Well, we need to hook up with someone" things. Purely to satisfy physical desires. Surprisingly — or not — it wasn't the hooking up with other people that ended the relationship. It was the other shit between us.
Mark: My only experience with open relationships is through two friends. One worked out, the other didn't. In the one that fell apart, a friend of his wanted to sleep with his girlfriend. One of the rules of their relationship was that everyone had to ask before doing anything. He said no, but the friend continued to pursue her. Friendship fell apart, relationship fell apart. The problem with the system is that no one takes into account what will happen if someone says no. The friend with the successful open relationship got married, and everything worked out great. The difference might be that they bring in a third person or couple rather than going off and having sex with someone else solo. There's no hiding anything that way. For me, polyamorous relationships have too many rules, are too confusing, and would lead to jealousy and bitterness. I'd rather find one person who is sexually willing and open enough to keep my attention.
John: I don't know anybody who's had one. It seems like a bad idea.
Martin: I know a lot of relationships in New York that are loosely defined. And I think that works pretty well in this city. We all have such crazy lives and jobs that having a relationship can be difficult, so it's good if you can be a bit flexible. But if you live together, it seems extremely depressing to have an open relationship. To lay awake waiting for your girlfriend to come home and then have her be like, "Oh I'm sleeping somewhere else tonight," that would be horrible.
Emma: I haven't been in an open relationship in which I've been emotionally involved with that person, and I don't know anybody else who has, either. I've been in an open relationship where none of us were emotionally involved. But it doesn't work forever. After a while, if you don't become emotionally involved with that person, you tend to become emotionally involved with someone else. Or the other person does.
David: I know more and more people in open relationships. My partner and I sort of toy with the idea, but what looks good on paper doesn't always work in real life. Generally, I don't know many people in open relationships that have lasted. Some have had healthy open relationships for years. But they always seem to end, somehow, because of the open relationship: one person became more involved with the outside partner.
Julia: I've never been in one myself, and the only people I know who have aren't in one anymore. It didn't work. I think eventually you have to make a choice: be with somebody, or don't. No matter how many agreements you make, eventually someone is going to get their feelings hurt.
Sandy: I've been in a couple of open relationships. I recommend it. I mean, it's complicated, but I think it's just like any other relationship. The key is to be upfront about your intentions. In my case, I was dating lots of different people, and they all knew I was dating lots of different people. But I would have considered it cheating if I led any of them to believe that they were the only one. I really do believe that the open relationship is the most realistic way to have a relationship, because it acknowledges that each person is still a complete, free individual. We forget that when we're monogamous.
Chad: I have never been in one, but I have been with people who have been in them. Right now, I'm in a situation where I'm "the other woman." It's quite frustrating, because he's actually someone I could fall for, in a real way. And at the end of the day, he has somebody to go home to, and I don't. It seems to me that in the gay community — whatever that means — this open-relationship thing seems to be much more normal than it is in the straight community. I've never had one. I don't know if I ever will. I just think it's very complicated and risky.
Dupé: I've tried it, but it doesn't work for me. If I ever say I want to be in an open relationship, that means I'm settling for second best, and it's because I don't want to lose this person completely, so I'd rather have a little bit of them. I may have suggested it, but it's never worked, because I'm a one-man — or one-woman — person. But I have met people in open relationships, and they're always complaining about it. You'd think they'd be happier.
Carm: I think of them as a '60s thing, like swinging parties and free love.
James: I haven't been in one, but that's because I'm not really a player. I don't find myself in situations where I could have more than one girlfriend.
Nadia: I was in a don't-ask, don't-tell situation once. There was significant distance, and it was one of those, "Well, we need to hook up with someone" things. Purely to satisfy physical desires. Surprisingly — or not — it wasn't the hooking up with other people that ended the relationship. It was the other shit between us.
Mark: My only experience with open relationships is through two friends. One worked out, the other didn't. In the one that fell apart, a friend of his wanted to sleep with his girlfriend. One of the rules of their relationship was that everyone had to ask before doing anything. He said no, but the friend continued to pursue her. Friendship fell apart, relationship fell apart. The problem with the system is that no one takes into account what will happen if someone says no. The friend with the successful open relationship got married, and everything worked out great. The difference might be that they bring in a third person or couple rather than going off and having sex with someone else solo. There's no hiding anything that way. For me, polyamorous relationships have too many rules, are too confusing, and would lead to jealousy and bitterness. I'd rather find one person who is sexually willing and open enough to keep my attention.
