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61 Frames Per Second

Top Ten Most Terrifying Enemies and Then Five More

Posted by John Constantine

I’ve got to hand it to Cracked, this is an almost perfect list of pants-wetting aggressors from videogames across the ages. Wallmasters, poison head crabs, Baron von Blubba, and Sinistar have all caused seriously tense moments for me in addition to all sounding like euphemisms for incurable STDs. That said, there are a handful of noticeable omissions from this list. 61 Frames Per Second, being the civil minded outlet it is, brings you five other baddies.

#1. Tonberries – Final Fantasy Series



They are vicious, unstoppable green midgets. No matter how many times you bludgeon them with a gigantic sword, they just continue to shuffle forward waving a lantern in the air and brandishing a knife at you. Then they stab you and actually say, “Doink.” Gives me the willies just thinking about the little bastards.

#2. Empty Rooms in Silent Hill – Silent Hill Series



It doesn’t matter that there’s nothing in there. You think there is.

#3. Marshmallows – A Boy and His Blob



I want you to picture a world in which walking down a city street or forest path is an activity that brings with it jumping marshmallows. These marshmallows make no sound and often travel in packs. They jump in unison. And when they fall on you, YOU DIE.

#4. Medusa Heads – Prince of Persia 2



Bet you thought we were going to say Castlevania, huh? Those annoying little blighters have nothing on these cagey disembodied heads. Just listen to its blood curdling howl at the thirty second mark.

#5. Metroids



Regular jellyfish live in the ocean and sting you. Space jellyfish can fly, live anywhere, and will eat you. They. Will. Eat. You.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Will Doig said:

I'm going to add the abandoned towns in "Zelda 2: The Adventures of Link" for NES. I know they're not enemies, but they gave me the willies. Actually that whole game made me feel cold and lonely and I don't even know why.

May 15, 2008 2:06 PM

Derrick Sanskrit said:

Even though the Metroids have increased my heart rate a good bit during gameplay, no enemy in video gaming has ever affected me quite like the sudden outbreak of aneurysms in the first Trauma Center for the DS. When you think you've got the last one and then five more instantly appear outside of your field of vision and his vitals plummet. The third time I attempted that operation, I quickly took out the first four and – as I approached the fifth – my arm (my REAL arm) started spasming violently and I stabbed the poor guy repeatedly. I couldn't bring myself to turn the game on for another month.

May 15, 2008 4:08 PM

John Constantine said:

And how about the fact that regular old townspeople will turn into freaking bats in Zelda 2? Bats! For no reason! Hyrule is done fucked up.

May 15, 2008 4:55 PM

D said:

I concur...

Bats!

May 20, 2008 11:54 PM

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Peter Smith Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.

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