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  • Talkin' RPGs With Itoi



    Shigesato Itoi, a true Renaissance Man of Japan's entertainment world, is mostly known to us gamers as the mastermind behind the Mother RPG series. And it's his iconoclastic, "outsider" view of the video game medium that makes his projects so unique and cult-friendly; someone deeply entrenched in the world of RPG development is far more likely to make a derivative Tales of game than anything approaching the level of Itoi's imagination. With how creatively successful the Mother games have been, it's surprising that developers haven't tried bringing in more outside artists to derail the tunnel-vision quite a few franchises and genres currently suffer from.

    Thanks to Itoi, I was deeply engrossed in Mother 3 over the fall and winter months of 2008, mainly because it took such a different approach than the other Mother games; rather than having a huge, worldwide scope (the usual method of most RPGs), the final entry in the Mother trilogy scaled things down to a much smaller and more detailed world that eventually changed (for the worse) over time. It was a fascinating approach that led me to care more about the game's world and inhabitants, all the way up until the heartbreaking ending.

    The reason I've been thinking about Itoi lately--aside from the fact that he's so dreamy--relates to a few translated interviews with the jack of all trades posted by the equally-dreamy Tomato over at Earthbound Central. The interviews may be framed by a larger discussion of Animal Crossing, but Itoi still has a few interesting things to say about RPG game design.

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  • Series That Have Lost All Identity



    Grandia was one of my favorite JRPGs on the original Playstation; despite the game's wonky translation and status as a crummy Saturn port, it had a certain air of infectious, Dragon Quest-y, aw-shucks adventuring that made it very refreshing. A few years later, though, I was unexpectedly disappointed by Grandia 2, which featured the evil church-iest of "evil church" plotlines along with a distinct attitude that didn't mesh well with the previous game--it wasn't too fun to play, either. So, I dropped the series in the early days of this decade and never looked back; and since then, both Grandia Xtreme (argh) and Grandia 3 have come into being, each with their own confused take on what Grandia is supposed to be (whatever that is).

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  • Mega64's Movie Adaptation of Shadow of the Colossus Possibly Better than Sony's

    I hate to ruin your day, but Sony is making a Shadow of the Colossus movie--the news is a few weeks old, actually. So how, exactly, is Hollywood planning on handling such a beautiful, understated game? About as well as you would think. I'm pretty sure all I need to do is quote Variety's The Cut Scene blog to give you a full understanding of how the final product will most likely turn out:

    I understand the folks working on the project are planning to have some of the characters who appear only momentarily in the game, such as those who try to track down and stop Wander, play bigger roles in the film. And despite the game's somewhat "artsy" cred, they're hoping "Shadow" will be a "Lord of the Rings"-style fantasy tentpole.

    The silver lining to this ugly little cloud comes in the form of a video by gaming pranksters Mega64, who were undoubtedly inspired by Sony's unfortunate announcement. While I'm sure Sony will throw millions more dollars into their own adaptation, there's no denying that far more entertainment can be found in the group's 2-minute take on this PS2 classic.

    Video after the cut.

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  • Good Old Games Deals: More Fallout Than You Can Handle

    I may have been late to the party on Fallout 3, but Bethesda's RPG masterpiece (yeah, I went there) is one of the few games I had to force myself to finish, just because otherwise I knew I'd be playing it forever. Mainly, I wanted to clear my plate of Fallout and go back for a second helping this upcoming summer, where I plan on playing through the game again (and purchase all of the expansion packs) as a right wasteland bastard, instead of the goody-two-shoes of my last apocalyptic adventure. But now that the fine folks over at Good Old Games are offering Fallout 1, Fallout 2, and Fallout Tactics--along with some super-nice goodies--bundled together for the odd price of $14.37, I suddenly feel the urge to visit the early years of a series I inexplicably missed as a mid-to-late-90s PC gamer.

    As with anything available at Good Old Games (who is in no way paying me for this post), the real incentive for their digital downloads--aside from the ultra-low price--are the extras bundled with every purchase--and this Fallout three-pack has some good ones.

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  • Rez: 4/20 Game of the Day



    It may be a bit of a stereotype, but I'm willing to bet a lot of you gamers out there--people known for laid-back, couch-bound fun--plan on celebrating the High Holiday (of course, no pun intended) of April 20th. People unfamiliar with this special day should probably be aware that--wait, you're not a cop, are you?

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  • Resident Evil 5 Succeeds Without Building a Better Mousetrap



    March's release of Resident Evil 5 was met by a hail of criticism; while the game tried to capture the same spirit that made Resident Evil 4 so breathtakingly amazing, many thought certain core design elements used by RE5's older brother (no strafing, no running and gunning) were a bit too archaic to rehash without significant revamping. But rehashing is something Capcom does very well, and they took this familiar approach to their famous survival horror series with fantastic results: Resident Evil 5 was last month's best-selling game (thanks to Game|Life for the stats). As much as we like to gripe about the lack of innovation in gaming blockbusters, there's something to be said about the comfort that familiarity brings--a comfort borrowed entirely from Resident Evil 4's goodwill.

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  • Metal Gear Solid 2: The Novel?

    I have a bit of a soft spot for Metal Gear Solid 2; while it certainly has its share of embarrassing flaws, I'm probably one of a dozen people who were pleasantly surprised--instead of enraged--by the protagonist switch from Solid Snake to Raiden so early in the game. But even I have to admit that MGS2's story was mostly unintelligible by the end, though some of this may be due to the content cut from the game because of the September 11th terrorist attacks--or perhaps that mysterious shipment of mushrooms which arrived on the steps of Konami's HQ in early 2001.

    Whatever the case, you have to give Kojima some credit for throwing so many baffling, off-the-wall ideas in what was intended to be the Playstation 2's first big blockbuster. And in case the director's unique storytelling style has still has you confused about what the hell happened in Metal Gear Solid 2 a whole eight years later, then you'll be happy to know that publisher Del Ray has a novelization of the game in the works, penned by Raymond Benson, who apparently wrote a novelization of the first Metal Gear Solid in 2008. Not exactly striking while the iron's hot, eh?

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  • WTFriday: Pac-Man Vs. France

    Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

    While Pac-Man is usually viewed in a positive light, fans of this old-school gaming celebrity conveniently forget one important fact: he is a remorseless eating machine. Strawberries, pretzels, and even keys disappear into the gaping maw of this urine-colored glutton as he searches for a way to blot out the pain inflicted by his apocalyptic divorce from Ms. Pac-Man (formerly Mrs.). And sometimes, it gets ugly. A recent videos of Pac-Man's latest episode have surfaced (via Kotaku) which features what we can assume to be a PCP-fueled rampage through the streets and golf courses of France. For the following video, parental guidance is strongly advised.

    More scandal after the cut.

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  • Kids' Games too Complicated for Kids



    Since I try as hard as I can to be a well-rounded gamer, I like to experience as many kinds of games as possible. Take Fallout 3, for example; I was once highly allergic to non-linear, Western RPGs, but in the past two weeks I've invested over 50 hours into Bethesda's little masterpiece. And I had the same intentions when I picked up Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise--I had no idea if I would like the game, but the endless amounts of praise it received (from adults, mind you) convinced me to buy it at a budget-friendly price. I'm not averse to kiddie games, but I was initially worried that maybe Pinata was going to be a little too simple for my gaming tastes.

    But when I got through the game's all-too-brief tutorial, I could only think one thing: "Children are supposed to understand this?"

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  • Brainstorm: What Happened to Connectivity?

    When Nintendo launched their limited campaign of GameCube/Game Boy Advance connectivity, I was an English-majoring undergrad (AKA "that dude with too much free time") with two friends who were nerdy enough to also have GBAs, link cables, and a high tolerance for gimmicky hardware tricks. Our time was limited to the three main games playable for this sick intercourse between console and portable gaming systems: Pac-Man Vs., Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles, and The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures. The first two titles gave us our share of fun, but the last one marks one of the best (though brief) multiplayer experiences I've ever had in my life.

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  • Fan Projects to Die for: Grim Fandango Action Figures

    Despite being produced at a time when 3D graphics on the PC were shockingly ugly (in retrospect), Tim Schafer made Grim Fandango a beautiful game; taking a nod from the art associated with the Mexican Day of the Dead, LucasArts created a striking, iconic cast that didn't exactly require millions of polygons to construct. Even more than ten years later, it's easy to cruise around the world of Manny Calavera and the rest of the game's interesting, well-designed characters without the shock that usually comes with seeing now-ancient 3D--and I actually plan on replaying GF very soon because of my secret shame of never having finished the game. Until I have the time to do that, though, I can always stare at the lovingly-created action figure versions of Fandango stars Manny and Glottis--scuplted by English artist Iain Reekie--and dream of a world where these things could actually be mass-produced.

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  • Xenogears Perfect Works Translated

    Classic PSX RPG Xenogears may have had its share of flaws, but its ambition was impressive; the game contained so much mythology that much of the story ended up being untold (or told poorly) due to budget problems. Fans of Tetsuya Takahashi's epic tale followed the writer through a labyrinth of Xenosaga games some years later, but most were disappointed by a follow-up series that didn't stick to the plans laid out in a little book called Xenogears: Perfect Works. This Xenogears bible, released in Japan by DigiCube in 1998, wasn't just an all-encompassing source of information for all things Xenogears; it also indicated plans for the series as a whole, as Xenogears was intended to be the fifth episode of an epic saga. Unfortunately, this book has only been available in Japanese, and is notorious for its insane resale price--so you may want to sell your copy now that a completely scanned translation (AKA "scanslation") is available on the Internet for free.

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  • Ghostbusters: Slimer Edition to Come with Free Plastic



    What you're looking at right now--courtesy of 1UP.com--are the various plastic trinkets bundled with Amazon.com's Ghostbusters Exclusive Slimer Edition (not pictured: LEGO ripoff figurines of four random ghouls). How much would you pay for a collection of plastic trinkets that could easily find their way into your average McDonald's Happy Meal? 10 dollars? 20 dollars?

    How about 70 dollars?

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  • The Japanese PlayStation Store Gets Final Fantasy VII, Life Declared "Unfair"

    Let's face facts; the American PlayStation Store is...not so good. Just take a look at the number of original Playstation games you can download in Japan, compared to what's available here. Go ahead, I'll wait.

    Surprised? Then you probably haven't been paying attention. No offense intended, of course, but if you've been following PlayStation Store release news since the PS3's launch, then you're probably familiar with the disappointment all PS3 owners feel when they see so many of their favorite games just out of arm's reach. Of course, it's always possible to go through the rigmarole of creating a Japanese account and "tricking" the PlayStation Store into thinking that you deserve access to its superior Japanese marketplace, but you shouldn't have to. Hell, if Sony got their act together and started pimping the PS3 as the place to get your affordable fix of their respectable and immense library (especially the PS2), I'd consider adding their new console to my rickety fire hazard of an entertainment center.

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  • The End to Microsoft SpaceBucks?



    We can all agree that digital download marketplaces have been one of the best advancements of this console generation; sure, we sometimes get gauged on horse armor and whatever Namco-Bandai's got up their sleeve, but a lot of this gen's best games would be MIA if they couldn't be bought for a small, download friendly fee. The only problem with this--on XBLA and the Wii's Shopping Channel, anyway--has been the necessity of "points," the fake console currency purchased using real money. In theory, this is a nice way for console manufacturers to enforce one consistent form of exchange throughout many territories, but the fact that both Nintendo and Microsoft make you purchase points in prescribed amounts means that nearly every purchase nets you a tiny remainder of useless change.

    Nintendo may be unapologetic in their use of funny money--the launch of the DSi introduced a new form of currency separate from the points you purchase with your Wii--but Microsoft seems to be taking baby steps with the new XBox Live Arcade store on Amazon.com.

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  • WTFriday: CNET's Don Reisinger Is Afraid of the Human Body

    Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

    So it looks like CNET's Don Reisinger has a bee in his bonnet about EA putting the most terrible, abominable, vomit-inducing creations of all time--human female breasts--into the video game adaptation of The Godfather Part II. If you've grown up in a lovely culture influenced by Christian morality, then you probably know that the naked human body is an affront to God and should be covered at all times, lest we get "devil britches," the unofficial terminology for not feeling any shame. Don seems to subscribe to this interpretation of the world, as his"review" of Godfather 2 is entirely fixated on the presence of nudity--he spends three sentences evaluating the game outside of his boob-induced outrage. Three sentences.

    I imagine this hard-hitting commentary was very hard to write for Don, what with him coming down with "the vapors" so often.

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  • More Discount Friday Gaming Deals



    Due to the extreme popularity of PopCap's world-conquering Peggle, it will soon be illegal to not own a copy of this addictive little game for at least one of its many supported platforms. Those of you who haven't yet experienced the joy of PopCap's instant gratification funhouse needn't fear a midnight assasination by the Secret Peggle Police, though; this weekend on Steam--the frugal-friendly digital download marketplace--you can pick up both Peggle and its sequel, Peggle Nights, for a mere $9.99. Considering the first Peggle debuted on XBLA for this price alone, you really can't find a much better deal--that is, until next weekend, when Steam will inevitably have some new mind-blowing bargain available.

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  • Good Games Ruined by Bad Controllers

    When Street Fighter IV was released a few months ago, I found myself a bit annoyed by every gaming journalist informing me that I had to drop another $60-$150 on an arcade stick to fully enjoy the game. Longtime readers of 61FPS know that I'm a notoriously cheap bastard when it comes to gaming, so you can probably guess my response when these earners of a living wage stressed the importance of spending an obscene amount of money on a peripheral necessary to make a single game playable. The sad thing is, they were right; Capcom's fighting masterpiece turns into an unresponsive game of chance if you happen to be using something as poorly-designed and unreliable as the XBox 360's d-pad. But Street Fighter IV alone is not the only victim of bad controller design.

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  • The Problem With XBLA Pricing

    When the amazing Bionic Commando: Rearmed launched last summer at the cost of 800 Microsoft Points (10 dollars), fans of the old-school franchise were relieved--and some were even worried that Capcom wasn't charging enough. But just a week before this, the 1200-Point price tag attached to the equally-amazing Braid caused a bit of alarm--though most agreed that an extra five bucks was more than worth it for such a unique and unforgettable experience.

    These days, the 800 Point-and-under pricing structure of XBLA games is seemingly becoming a thing of the past; this week's releases of Puzzle Quest: Galactrix and Flock are available for 20 and 15 dollars, respectively. For the gamer on a budget--or me, anyway--the 10-dollar price point is the sweet spot for XBLA game prices. And as new XBLA releases find themselves slipping further and further from this comfortable territory, I'm finding myself less and less interested in what's available in the marketplace.

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  • Stalin Vs. Martians Trailer Is... Interesting



    Apparently, there is a game called Stalin Vs. Martians--and I'm just finding out about this today. Because I am hopped up on enough cold medicine to knock over a Clydesdale, I at first assumed this bizarre premise was merely a figment of my DayQuil-addled imagination. But when all of the little gremlins stopped dancing around my living room, I checked out the game's website again, and--sure enough--it's for real. I have to question the taste of including one of histories greatest monsters as the playable protagonist, but, for some reason, Stalin has always been viewed as much more of a comical figure when compared to someone like Adolf Hitler--you can probably blame his big, bushy mustache.

    As Joystiq points out, the game is coming out on April 20th; if you're unfamiliar with this American holiday, this date marks a yearly event where people from all walks of life gather together in solidarity for one purpose: to smoke a hell of a lot of weed. I'd question Joystiq's take on the game's release date, if not for Stalin Vs. Martians' strange trailer, which features gameplay footage intercut with video of a dancing girl who seemingly crawled right out of 1986. It doesn't make much sense, but I have to credit the developers for at least trying to make their game's trailer memorable.

    Video after the cut.

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  • Bust Some Heads with The Onion's "Close Range"

    I've been playing a lot of Fallout 3 lately. A lot. And because of my addiction to Bethesda's post-apocalyptic RPG, I've been blowing up a lot of heads with a vast array of in-game weaponry. A lot of heads. So when I heard about a new game from the satire superstars over at The Onion that involves nothing but the exploding of craniums, I was a perhaps a little too interested.

    If you're familiar with The Onion's M.O., then you've probably already realized that Close Range is a parody of--or perhaps a take on how the "outside world" views--the hyper-violent video game blockbusters of our time, like Gears of War, Grand Theft Auto 4, and the aforementioned Fallout 3. But Close Range doesn't just set its sights on violent video games and the people who play them; gaming journalists who instinctively praise every upcoming multi-million dollar gaming extravaganza with words like "immersive" and "compelling" are also taken down a peg.

    Of course, hearing about a joke second-hand is no real way to get the comic effect. For maximum yuks, check out The Onion News Network's report on this world-changing new "game."

    Video after the cut.

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  • Watcha Listening to: Myself (Again)



    Three months ago, the amiable Kole Ross invited me onto his Stand Under the Don't Tree and Riddle Me This program as a special "celebrity" guest to discuss the recent 1UP buyout and the calamity that followed. We laughed, we cried, and some would say the world was changed forever. These people may have a serious problem with overestimation.

    Well, it seems as if Kole must not have received too much hate mail from my appearance, because last week I was once again invited to be a special call-in guest--though under much happier circumstances. The latest episode's video game-related discussion deals mainly with all of the good (and a few bad) things that came out of this year's Game Developers Conference. If you listen, you may hear Kole and I talk about the following things extemporaneously:

    - The magic of OnLive.

    - The Punch-Out trilogy and my sick fascination with the SNES sequel.

    - Hello Kitty MMORPG? (Yes.)

    - The trials of being a Rock Band nerd with no tolerance for Pearl Jam.

    - Various ramblings, stutterings, and misinformation on my part.

    - And many more!

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  • Lego... Rock Band?



    April Fools' Day was nearly a week ago, so we've all had quite a few days to let our guards down and start accepting everything at face value again. I was lucky enough to not fall for some elaborately-crafted hoax this year, which is why it's hard for me to take a recent 1UP news story without the requisite grain of salt. But, given the calendar date, it seems that Lego Rock Band, a new installment in Harmonix's smash-hit music series, may actually be in the works.

    The only evidence we have at this point is an older version of Harmonix's GDC presentation slides accidentally posted to the Internet, which seemingly confirm the game's existence. According to 1UP,

    [T]his slide was among a batch that was sent for "speech approval" by Harmonix senior designer Dan Teasdale for his GDC presentation, "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: Design Lessons Learned From Rock Band," but never shown. According to [Harmonix senior designer Dan] Teasdale's blog, they resurfaced when Think Services posted the earlier versions by mistake.

    They seem to confirm the existence of Lego Rock Band, which was apparently set to be unveiled last Friday at GDC, but never materialized. If it's indeed real, it will evidently be arriving later this year between Rock Band: Unplugged and The Beatles Rock Band.

    So, what exactly does Lego have to do with Rock Band? To be fair, the interlocking blocks are just as relevant to Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

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  • The 61FPS Review: Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard



    Longtime Simpsons writer George Meyer once stated “Cleverness is the eunuch version of funny.” And Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard is just that: clever, but not funny. The game starts with a promising premise: after a long career with many titles under his belt, titular video game action hero Matt Hazard finds himself unemployed as the result of some poor career decisions. So when an opportunity to revive his popularity arises, Matt jumps on it—without realizing his new starring role is a trap concocted by former Hazard gamer Wallace Wellesley, whose life was ruined by the extreme difficulty of Matt’s games. What follows from this setup is an action game starring an action hero who’s world-weary and well aware of his genre’s tropes; but for as much promise as this idea holds, it’s really just an awkward, toothless, and unfunny framing device for a lousy third-person shooter.

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  • Sega's Yu Suzuki Steps Down

    Yu Suzuki is perhaps one of Sega's biggest names; with titles like Out Run, Hang On, Virtua Fighter, and Shenmue under his belt, he's left his mark on the industry with some technically innovative and memorable video games. But since the Dreamcast failure/Sega-Sammy merger, he's been quiet in his role as the company's R&D creative officer--so quiet, in fact, that Sega of America CEO Simon Jeffrey once believed Suzuki was no longer employed by the company at all. He's since realized his mistake.

    Jeffries' comment may have been a bit misinformed at the time, but with Friday's announcement that Yu Suzuki is indeed stepping down from his position at Sega, the company's American CEO may want to consider starting his own Psychic Friends Network.

    According to GameSpot:

    [T]his week Sega parent company Sega Sammy announced that the designer has stepped down--the publisher used the word "retired"--from his position as a R&D creative officer with the company. However, he isn't departing Sega entirely. A Sega of America representative confirmed for GameSpot that Suzuki will stay on with the publisher in a diminished capacity, continuing on as manager of the R&D department for Sega's AM Plus division. To date, AM Plus has released a pair of Japanese arcade games, the touchscreen fighter Psy Phi, and the character-driven racer Sega Race TV.

    I'll admit that Suzuki's games never really appealed to me, but I've always felt some sort of sympathy towards him as Sega's own Gumpei Yokoi.

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  • Discount Friday Gaming Deals

     

    If you're a frugal--or in my case, incredibly cheap--gamer with a working PC, then you probably know that Friday is a very special day. Yes, in some cases, Friday is payday, but more importantly, the last day before the weekend always means amazing deals from Steam and Good Old Games, which both do an excellent job of getting me to buy games I won't have time to play until 2019. If you're willing to forego a cheap lunch or an expensive coffee, you may also find yourself with far too much gaming on your hands, as this week's bargains are especially sweet.

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  • Friend Codes from an Outsider's Perspective

    If you're a hardcore Nintendo gamer, you've undoubtedly run into the problem of friend codes. For the most part, the unintuitive nature of Nintendo's online service (quick, tell me how to find your Wii's friend code) has been aggravating to those of us used to the user-friendly ways of XBox Live and PSN, as well any pedophiles out there looking to snag a pre-teen's digits--though I guess we shouldn't feel too bad for the latter group.

    The topic of friend code frustration came up on the always-entertaining Drunken Gamer Radio this week, when one of the hosts talked about the impossibility of explaining the friend code system to a casual gamer eager to hop online with a Nintendo title. I experienced the very same thing a few weeks ago, when my girlfriend picked up a DS along with Animal Crossing; she planned on checking out the online features of the game, and asked me--an Animal Crossing veteran--how to do such a thing. At this point, I poured a big, sweaty glass of scotch and muttered, "Sit down. This is going to take a while."

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  • Give Super Punch-Out a Chance

    I've been talking about Punch-Out a lot this week, from blogging about the new Wii update yesterday to gabbing about it on the Stand Under the Don't Tree and Riddle Me This podcast on Tuesday (episode release forthcoming). In fact, I've had so much Punch-Out on the brain that I happened to overlook the fact that one of my favorite games of all time, Super Punch-Out, saw a Virtual Console release this Monday. And now that I no longer have to play Sophie's Choice when it's time to decide which Wii Channel needs to die for the sake of a new download, you can bet I was beating the living snot out of large, cartoonish boxers as soon as humanly possible.

    I've come to observe that Super Punch-Out is mostly unknown and unloved, especially when compared to its iconic little brother--a cultural touchstone for anyone growing up in the 80s (I guess we all wanted to beat up Mike Tyson). But when you strip away the nostalgia, Super Punch-Out is actually a much better game.

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  • Attention BioWare: Mid-Fantasy Is Still Fantasy

     

    During last week's GDC extravaganza, I listened to quite a few podcasts; on a few of these shows, I heard the BioWare guys touting their upcoming RPG, Dragon Age: Origins. My first reaction to this title way back when it was announced was nothing more than ambivalence. While I'm sure the folks at BioWare are capable of making fantastic games, if there's one setting I'm sick of, it's traditional fantasy--and we Westerners tend to make it as ponderous and needlessly epic as possible. But it's important to note that we're not the only ones with this problem; the Japanese also abuse and overuse the fantasy setting in their RPGs as well, which is why games like Earthbound and the Persona series stand out so much from the crowd.

    For whiners like me who are sick of swords, dwarves, and dragons, BioWare does have an answer, but it really only pays lip service to the problem of fantasy RPG oversaturation.

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  • The Problem with Punch-Out

    Hardcore Nintendo fans have been grumbling this generation, and most would say rightfully so; the Wii updates to beloved franchises like Super Mario Kart, Animal Crossing, and Super Smash Bros. have been rehashes--and sometimes downgrades--of games seen last generation. Even The Legend of Zelda: Twlight Princess wasn't much more than a prettier Ocarina of Time. But Nintendo knows what bones to throw to the hardcore, and they throw them well. Take the upcoming Punch-Out, for example; old-school Nintendo fanboys have been heralding it as the Wii equivalent of The Second Coming, despite the fact that it's merely a pretty remake of a game they played 20 years ago. For Nintendo, this is a win-win situation--after all, they can keep the most vocal minority of their fanbase happy while appealing to the casuals who will no doubt buy this game en masse. But to the impartial observer, the freak-out over this long-awaited sequel calls into question just how much we're willing to forgive when something repeatedly jabs at our nostalgia Hooksexup.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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