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Date Machine: Youporn, King Dong and Jizz volume. Oh yes indeedy.

Posted by airheadgenius

 

I have a morbid fascination with youporn. The titles are often the most entertaining bit though - OMG!!! 18" for example. Under those circumstances, one has to investigate right? 

Watching a man endowed with a 12+ dick is like taking a trip to the zoo to look at an exotic animal. I've never encountered such a specimen in real life and, if I did, cannot imagine trying to cram it into my body. 

And therein lies the rub with the 12" dick. No one seems to have an orifice sufficiently deep or wide to accommodate it. Having sex for these men must be somewhat of a disembodied experience - two people separated by a bridge like dick. There's no body to body contact after all. The only way I can imagine the man having flesh surrounding his freakishly large penis is if he had sex from behind with someone with unfeasibly round arse cheeks and a cavernously deep butt crack. I wish I hadn't imagined that actually.

The next draw back of being King Dong is that a regular sized man just doesn't seem to have sufficient blood to engorge his arm sized member. Part of the experience seems to involved a double handed squeeze to force an erection into the final third of his dick - the only bit that ever gets to have sex anyway. That's got to be frustrating for everyone involved right?

Giant dicks ain't all that is my point.

But the real point of today's inquiry is this: are these monster cocks really full of half a pint of jizz? I've seen videos of women being half drowned in cum. Does it hold true that the bigger the dick, the bigger the volume of semen? Surely that has a link to the size of the testicles, but it seems to me that these men with fire extinguisher volume ejaculations would need balls as big as shopping bags to blow a load that big.

But what do I know? Enlighten me date machiners on the big dick big blow connection.
If you would be so kind.

 

Here are some I made earlier:
Prostitues - yay or nay?
The female orgasm
Fabulous at 40, the reprise
Slim, petite or average?
Losing Momentum
How do you get ready for a date?
I need you
Heartache or just another real estate opportunity?

 

Here's another one of my Daily Un-Knobs: Don King. Not to be confused with King Dong.

 

 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

bartmobil said:

Have a friend who encounter one of these. according to her there was no way to "deal" with it, too bad as she said, because the owner was a super nice and funny and stuff.

who knew there is a such a thing as too much!

March 29, 2009 12:17 PM

airheadgenius said:

Size is everything, but only within certain parameters. There's no reason to ever deal with a 64oz slushy and no reason to deal with a 12" dick.

March 29, 2009 12:35 PM

extraneux said:

I've seen some porn that clearly involves the use of a prosthetic penis and the semen is quite obviously artificial and pumped out. Perhaps this would explain the copious amount of fluid which is discharged.

March 29, 2009 1:51 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

ewwwww buckets of semen!!!  This is pretty funny actually.  I've seen some of these bizarre drowning rituals and I've often wondered if it's real or if there is a tube hidden somewhere pumping tapioca or something.

And I've also never had personal contact with a 12" cock.  At this late stage in my life and personal development it will most likely never happen.  THat's not so big a disappointment.

I opened this one video clip that was titled, Woman Plays with 12" Dick, or something of the sort.  Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be her own 12" dick!!!  WTF?

I think I will have eggs this morning.  

March 29, 2009 2:41 PM

casualencounters.com/blog/ said:

I haven't found it a big deal. I've just concentrated on finding girls fat enough that I can make love to their sweaty bellyfolds rather than their inadequately-voluminous vaginal canals.

March 29, 2009 5:58 PM

vix_en25 said:

Recycyled, I believe its creme anglaise that is being used rather than tapioca.

March 29, 2009 8:33 PM

Toluca_86 said:

casual:

ewwwww not even funny.

airhead:

Well, for whatever it's worth I've certainly read that in the mainstream porn it's often fake semen.  Don't know much about youporn...

March 29, 2009 8:37 PM

luciphercolors said:

That picture of Don King has the Worth1000 stamp across the bottom. That's a Photoshop-contest site, among other things. Is that pic for real?

March 29, 2009 8:59 PM

deanpeters said:

I've read somewhere that for many ejaculation shots in porn there's actually an assistant posted strategically with a spray-bottle of condensed milk. Probably much nicer for the actresses that way, actually - I know what I'd rather have squirted into my eye...

March 30, 2009 12:37 PM

zeitgeisty said:

Peter North I think is the guy in the biz with the biggest loads...

March 30, 2009 2:47 PM

casualencounters.com/blog/ said:

Anyone remember that alien porn site that used to be around. XXXspacegirls or something? They used bucketloads of something-a-rather for the "Xarg from Sigma-23" moneyshots.

March 30, 2009 5:09 PM

vix_en25 said:

if it tasted like condensed milk I would be sucking cock all day!

March 30, 2009 5:20 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

Vixen that actually made me laugh out loud.  Of course that could lead to the issue of wimps that won't kiss a woman after he's come in her mouth.  I'm actually surprised that Zeitgeisty hasn't waxed poetic on that topic already.  

March 30, 2009 8:23 PM

vix_en25 said:

ohhh thats a good idea for you zeity! you can talk about how as much as you love getting head, you will never kiss a woman after (because that would be gay!).

March 31, 2009 2:00 AM

amboabe said:

I thought I had the biggest loads...

March 31, 2009 2:47 AM

imsnowman said:

The size of the load is primarily dependent on the prostate and the seminal vesicles not the balls.  The testicles only contribute 2%-5% by volume.  But the image you created is funny.

March 31, 2009 11:24 AM

zeitgeisty said:

The amount of jizz you shoot depends on how excited you are, and how long the build up has been...

March 31, 2009 1:05 PM

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