Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.
I don’t remember lapsing into a coma or being cryogenically frozen at any point during the summer of 2003, but something must have happened, because I have absolutely no memory of the existence of Marci X. The IMDb tells me it opened on 1200 screens on August 24th of that year, earning a not so robust $872,950 in its opening weekend en route to a total gross of just over $1.6 million. That would be a flop, sure, but I saw plenty of flops that summer on behalf on the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Maybe Marci X just never made it to Texas, but somehow enough people saw this Lisa Kudrow/Damon Wayans vehicle to secure it a spot in the Bottom 100.
“Hip-hop meets shop ’til you drop” says the poster, and I wouldn’t be terribly surprised to learn that’s the exact line overrated screenwriter Paul Rudnick (In and Out, The Stepford Wives) used to pitch this plastic satire. Kudrow is Jewish-American Princess Marci Feld, daughter of wealthy businessman Ben Feld (Richard Benjamin, who also directed), owner of a hip-hop record label that has just released the latest controversial album by Dr. S (Wayans). Feld’s empire is threatened when prudish Senator Spinkle (Christine Baranski) gives a speech attacking him for promoting the dangerous messages in such Dr. S hits as “Shoot Ya Teacher.” Feld has a heart attack and Marci is forced to take over the company and try to cajole an apology from Dr. S.
I know what you’re thinking: who better suited to satirize the rap world than Paul Rudnick and Richard Benjamin? With the help of composers Mervyn Warren and Marc Shaiman, they’ve crafted a tone deaf hip-hop pastiche with beats and production techniques that would have been cutting edge had this movie been made in 1991. Don’t take my word for it; here’s what happens when Dr. S challenges Marci to freestyle onstage:
As it turns out, Rudnick and Benjamin aren’t any more adept at spoofing the wealthy Jewish culture you’d expect them to be more familiar with. The script is full of hacky jokes about Prozac, Prada, pilates, Botox and Donald Trump’s hair, and Jane Krakowski has a thankless role as one of Marci’s three satellite JAPs. With its flat television lighting, wokka-wokka music and cast of sitcom actors pitching their performances to the back row of the studio audience, Marci X is a migraine from beginning to end. It’s no wonder Chris Rock rejected it, telling Entertainment Weekly “It's the worst script I've ever gotten... I'd have been happier getting an envelope full of anthrax.” And I’ve seen some of the movies Chris Rock has actually agreed to do, so you know that’s really saying something.
Previously on Unwatchable:
96. Track of the Moon Beast
97. Bolero
98. Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor
99. The Honeymooners
100. Devil Fish