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The Weekly Rewind: Floating in a Sea of Television

Posted by Ben Kallen

 

The new TV season is here, and so far it's going pretty well. None of the new shows have bowled us over yet, but that's okay, because we still have other things on our minds... such as politics, and stars' naked booties. Let's remember it all fondly with the highlights of the week.

We gawked at the stars on the Video Music Awards, and examined what they were wearing. But we were glad host Russell Brand didn't offer Britney a drink.

We saw far more than we should have of Julianna Margulies and Jessica Simpson. But Pam Anderson? We've seen it all before.

We watched Kanye West get arrested at the airport, apparently for carrying more than an ounce of toothpaste.

We heard that a fellow critic whacked ailing legend Roger Ebert at a movie screening, even though it wasn't Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.

We saw Gossip Girl uglify Blake Lively using nothing but a bad camera angle and a strawberry. But the wholesome kids of 90210 almost gave us sugar shock, even though there was a hint of bitterness.

We watched Barack Obama on Letterman, then we all blabbed about Sarah Palin going up against Charlie Gibson, and it made us about as happy as a pig in... well, never mind. But in more important political news, we got a clue about whether or not Tina Fey will return to Saturday Night Live.

We thought the "vamp walks into a bar" drama True Blood was cool, though not entirely original. We thought the "agent walks into a conspiracy" drama Fringe was pretty good as well. Not that you'd know  it from the ratings.

We learned that rock star Shirley Manson is a shape-shifting Terminator. (Of course, Marilyn Manson is Kevin from The Wonder Years.)

We saw Entourage's Vinnie Chase trade a sex romp on the beach in Mexico for meeting interruptus back in Hollywood, and it was as fun as ever -- for us and, especially, for him.

We heard that the new season of 24 and the first season of Dollhouse were temporarily shutting down production due to "minor" script problems. Which is like a doctor telling you you'll have to undergo "minor" surgery.

...And we got terrible news about Paris Hilton.

 

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: We're All Just a Bunch of Gossip Girls


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About Ben Kallen

Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

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Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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