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Games to Film: Marky Mark is Max Payne

Posted by Cole Stryker

Angels? In my Max Payne? Let's hope that's part of a dream sequence or hallucination. And is that Marlo Stanfield? It sure is!

I'm conflicted. Max Payne was more than just bullet-time. There was a gritty noir atmosphere and an intriguing story laced with Norse mythology, gripping crime drama and Greek tragedy. When I see the camera revolve around Wahlberg at 00:18, I can't help but roll my eyes.

Anyway, let's hope the movie skips all the best Max quotes:

  • I didn't like the way the show started, but they had given me the best seat in the house, front row center.
  • Snow fell like ash from post-apocalyptic skies.
  • I was compelled to give Vlad his gun back... one bullet at a time.
  • Firing a gun is a binary choice. Either you pull the trigger or you don't.
  • The past is a gaping hole.
  • You'd find that Lady Luck was really a hooker, and you were fresh out of cash.
  • You complete the jigsaw puzzle to discover it is a picture of yourself, finishing that same puzzle.
  • She was a nice girl, not really a stone-cold killer, and now she was stone-cold dead.
  • The sun went down with practiced bravado.
  • The past is a puzzle, like a broken mirror.
  • Closing your eyes forces you to look at the darkness inside.
  • and my personal favorite:

  • It was colder than the devil's heart, raining ice pitchforks as if the heavens were ready to fall.
  • Bet you had forgotten that Max Payne sounds like a wrist-cutting teenage girl on DeviantArt. 

    Related Links:

    Games to Film: Leo DiCaprio to Play Nolan Bushnell in Upcoming "Atari" Flick
+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

xxsodaboy said:

I wonder if at some point in the movie, Marky Mark will have to walk ever so carefully along a two-inch wide rail made of blood and parkour down to some impossible-to-see level below it.

July 11, 2008 4:50 PM

Demaar said:

That's why I didn't like Max Payne 2, ya know? I always thought the original was intentionally campy, with the face they gave him. So the cheesy dialogue seemed to fit, and was kinda cool because of that. Then MP2 came along with middle aged Mr. Serious Max and it all fell to shit.

Trailer looks pretty rad, I'll be cautiously optimistic.

July 11, 2008 5:06 PM

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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