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61 Frames Per Second

This Week in Shrieking Annoyances

Posted by Bob Mackey

I really like Camelot.  Even though franchises like Hot Shots Golf and Shining Force have been stolen from them and shoved into the hands of less-competent developers, they can still put out a mean golf game.  Knowing this, I had GameFly send me a copy of We Love Golf for the Wii, which is essentially this generations version of Mario Golf, sans Mario. 

Now let me tell you why I want Camelot to suffer.

We Love Golf is essentially an expanded version of the Wii Sports' golfing portion; it's bigger, prettier, and there's about a hundred more things to do. Just like in Wii Sports, the club control is a little awkward, and the backswing doesn't remotely resemble anything you'd do with a real golf club--but it doesn't take more than a few minutes to figure out all the quirks. 

Since We Love Golf screams a tutorial at you through the Wiimote on every stroke, Camelot must have ingored that last, vital fact.

I can proudly say that Navi from Ocarina of Time never really got on my Hooksexups, and I always thought that the horrible wailing of Baby Mario in Yoshi's Island was somewhat necessary.  But even I can't think of a reason why I need to hear the following commands in a cheery, sing-songy voice every time I try to hit the damn ball:

HOLD A OR B!
START YOUR BACKSWING!
STOP!
SWING!

An easy solution to this would be to simply turn down the volume on the Wiimote, but We Love Golf is extra evil in that it knows when you do this. So instead of having that chirpy, tinny voice come out of your Wiimote, you can also choose to have it come out of your TV speakers!  As much as I'd like to play more of We Love Golf, the fact that you can't turn the voice off altogether might be a total deal-breaker for me.  It also doesn't help that I live with a parrot with a penchant for picking up annoying, repetitive sounds; my apartment is already filled with the noises of burps, sneezes, and oven timer beeps of years past.  I don't particularly want the design choices of a Wii golf game echoing off of my walls for decades to come.

Related Links:

Wii MotionPlus - Say what, Nintendo?
You Are A Baby and Games Don't Wanna Make You Cry


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Aug 25 2008, 12:00 PM
Filed under: , , , ,

Comments

Nadia Oxford said:

I'm pretty sure if you point and click on Mr Remote, you pull up the blessed option to turn him off.

August 25, 2008 5:54 PM

Demaar said:

This is a problem with Nintendo games as well though (and apparently a trend for all Wii games in general). All the developers are condescending to their audience, even the casuals. My Dad's not a gamer, he does NOT see the point in them what so ever. So when I tell you that he was getting irritated at Wii Sports for telling him how to throw a damn bowling ball every time it was his go, you must know that it's not because he's a seasoned gamer, but because Nintendo assumes you have a memory span of less than a minute.

Instead of telling this the first time after booting up the game and leaving it at that, it tells you every time that hey, we don't care if you know how bowling works in this game or real life, or that we told you how a few seconds ago, we're telling you again.

August 25, 2008 11:20 PM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

If unsatisfied, please return unused portion for partial refund.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

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