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61 Frames Per Second

Bringing Sexy Back: Retro Controllers of the Future

Posted by Derrick Sanskrit

Take a gander at this metal USB game pad from Dream Cheeky. It features all the buttons of a SNES controller and none of the ergonomics, but honestly, who cares? Look at how shiny it is! Look at how smooth and sleek it is, like your 24th century android girlfriend, with the tiny L and R buttons as her perk nipples and a rubberized grip as her toned synthetic hips. She has a six foot USB cord so as to not smother you, and she even swings both ways with both PC and Mac support. Sure, she doesn't have as many features as the Logitech pad that's been loyal to me for years, but I'm willing to sacrifice function for form when its a form like this.

There, now that your PC games have an extra dash of Björk's "All Is Full of Love," let's see what we can do about the sexiest home console around, Nintendo's Wii.

Sure, it was fun two years ago to talk about how much you couldn't wait to get your hands on a smooth white Wii and play games waggling it around, but that novel joke has long since worn off. It is time those white wands received an upgrade in droolworthiness, and Flickr user Joe D! has a steampunk mock-up that just about maxes out the lustable scale:



Black. Wooden. Glowing. Oh god, I'm having trouble breathing. He even included a slot on the back of the remote for the Nyko recharchable battery packs. Somebody pay him and then start mass producing these.

Previously:
Bringing Sexy Back: John Carmack
Bringing Sexy Back: Street Fighter Dress-Up Party
Bringing Sexy Back: Susan O'Connor
Bringing Sexy Back: Yoji Shinkawa


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Demaar said:

That's pretty damn cool. I wonder what the D-pad is like...

August 28, 2008 10:24 AM

NikkoKitty said:

Needs more brass to be Steampunk.

It's more like a woody station wagon.

August 28, 2008 2:15 PM

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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