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Too Much Crap: The Gamer's Lament

Posted by Bob Mackey

While most of you were out celebrating whatever Labor Day commemorates by drinking cheap beer through funnels and hoses, I spent three back-breaking, soul-crushing days hauling my crap from one apartment to another. Let me explain to you how much I hate moving: the last time I had to do it, I ended up vomiting out of pure rage. Or maybe it was too much potato salad.  Science has never been able to provide me with an answer.

Whatever the case, I now believe in the one-console future because it takes an entire carload just to move my A/V gear from one place to another.

I'll admit that some of my pain is self-inflicted; I may have stopped hoarding games since I signed up for GameFly three years ago, but the dated nature of my equipment makes for some irritating adventures in moving.  My main inspiration for wanting an HDTV is that my current SDTV--while it is a top-of-the-line Sony Wega--weighs about 500 pounds for reasons I have been unable to determine.  I know that upgrading to hi-def may mean no longer having a small nuclear reactor with heavy lead shielding display images of Dexter in my apartment, but that's a loss I'm willing to take.

And then we have the consoles. Services like the Wii's Virtual Console and other forms of emulation have allowed me to retire my old devices into storage, but I still have to contend with four different machines wrestling for space in my entertainment center: Wii, GameCube, XBOX 360, and PS2. If I ever had the money/incentive to get a PS3, it would be impossible to place in my apartment without the use of hover jets. Even then, I'd still have to contend with the jungle of wires that become indecipherable once plugged in and placed next to dozens more.

So am I just being a big, whiny baby about this, or is my concern actually legitimate? I once had a non-gamer friend marvel in pity after seeing the horrible electrical orgy that goes on every day in my living room. Now that I know what the other side thinks, I'm worried that society may look down on the massive fire hazard I use to entertain myself daily.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Roto13 said:

Why do you have both your Game Cube AND your Wii there at the same time?

I actually like having all of my games and consoles all over the place. It's like everywhere I look there's a video game or something video game related, and I love that. Moving is a pain, though. If not for my games, I'd have had like one suitcase full of stuff to take with me when I moved away from home. Instead I had to have a giant crate full of games shipped to me. It gets expensive.

September 2, 2008 1:30 PM

Amber Ahlborn said:

I have my Gamecube and my Wii sitting side by side.  Of course, my Gamecube has a GBA Player hooked to it and since I don't own a GBA anymore and dislike playing hand helds anyway, my Gamecube will remain active as a link between my GB and GBA games and my television set.

As for moving.  I moved 5 times in 5 years when I was living in Washington.  I moved by hand as I did not have a car.  I always managed to get one carload of help from friends for the large furniture items (like the bed and dresser) but everything else was carried by hand and hauled by foot.  It is due to this that I have developed my taste in furniture: anything portable.

September 2, 2008 1:58 PM

Derrick Sanskrit said:

That was the only thing I could think of - the GBA Player. I'm pretty sure every other NA Gamecube game/peripheral works on the Wii. I would LOVE to be able to pop my Drill Dozer cart into the Wii for some hi-def widescreen rumble mania, but noooooooooo...

September 2, 2008 2:07 PM

AbsolutelyNot said:

I have my SNES, N64, Dreamcast, PS2, Wii, and a DVD player all hooked up to one TV. If there's ever a power surge, I am ruined. It is convenient though.

September 3, 2008 2:43 AM

Bob Mackey said:

My GameCube is only hooked up for the Game Boy Player.

September 3, 2008 6:09 PM

Demaar said:

If it weren't for the house fire last year I'd have lived where I am for 15 years without moving once. I intend to continue that trend (the trend of not moving that is, not having house fires every 15 years :P).

September 4, 2008 10:42 AM

philodygmn said:

Apple makes a selling point of having just one cord to most of its computers (and none to the MacBook Air!).  It's not a minor issue, gaming or otherwise.

You might consider an Apple Display as your TV, they're DVI, now (or even an iMac with BootCamp for non-console gaming).

September 4, 2008 3:39 PM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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