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The Mega Man Robot Club

Posted by Bob Mackey

You'll have to forgive me, because I really can't think of anything but Mega Man today; I even had my students play some of Mega Man 3 under the tortured logic that they might learn something. Believe me when I say that this in-class experiment fully integrated the terms from our readings, and wasn't just an excuse to see the game projected on a massive screen.

Mega Man was the size of my head.

But with today's release of Mega Man 9, it isn't much of a surprise that I've been enveloped in Blue Bomber (please note that no one has ever sincerely called Mega Man that) nostalgia.  Fittingly, this nostalgia brings me back to my childhood, where for a few years my life was based on Mega Man's teachings.  Around the release of Mega Man 3, during recess I regularly met with schoolyard chums who, instead of running around and playing on the dangerous concrete-and-steel Nixon-era playground equipment, would go through page after page of loose-leaf paper coming up with Mega Man robot boss designs.  It was a great creative exercise that went beyond the little boy conceptual borders of Pee Man and Poop Man.

This isn't to say that Pee Man and Poop man didn't exist; we weren't beyond lowbrow humor. But we inevitably came up with ideas that Capcom would use themselves--which might say a lot about Capcom's post-Mega Man 4 game design. I distinctly remember Clown Man--later seen in Mega Man 8--being one of our best creations, as clowns are naturally a child's worst enemy.  But some ideas were not as obvious; we should have patented our version of Garbage Man, since he was seen in 4 under the much lamer title of Dust Man.  Mysteriously, our Japanese exchange student friend was never seen again after 1990.  Coincidence?

And far before Splash Woman broke the Mega Man glass ceiling in 9, we had our own boss character who redefined gender roles: Woman Man. I really wish I knew what happened to all of those drawings, because I'm sure they would be as source of neverending hilarity, as well as a window into the minds of some very bored children.  Maybe they're in my parents' attic somewhere;  I think it's time to get my mom and one of Capcom's lawyers on the phone.  I'll report back with my progress.

P.S. Dr. Cossack: NOT MY IDEA.

Related Links:

The Impetuousness Of Youth
The Nintendo Literary Canon
The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels, Part 1


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Comments

Roto13 said:

Maybe they should have used Pee Man and Poop Man. I think Fire Man, Heat Man, Flame Man, and Magma Man could use a break.

September 22, 2008 5:05 PM

Ian said:

I want to see Fire Man, Heat Man, Flame Man, and Magma Man have their own game.  Imagine the variety there.

September 23, 2008 12:19 PM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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