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61 Frames Per Second

My Life as a Red Ring Statistic

Posted by Bob Mackey

I jumped on the current-gen bandwagon a little late; last February, to be specific, when my freelance writing skills suddenly and unexpectedly became profitable.  In order to stay relevant, I had to upgrade; so I picked up an XBox 360 and a Wii roughly around the same time of the year.  The Wii was something I always wanted but could never find, while the 360 always filled me with justifiable anxiety.  Undoubtedly, 2007 was the Year of the Red Ring of Death, and the talk of XBoxes expiring in mass quantities kept me far, far away from Microsoft's machine.  But by early 2008, I assumed all of the problems had been worked out.  Surely, after all of that mess, a newly-purchased 360 would be free of console cancer.  Right?  Right?

You'll never guess what happened last night.

After a short session with Burnout: Paradise was interrupted by an uncommon freeze-up, I restarted my 360 to find that a few seconds in the menu was all it took to make it lock up again. Then I saw the ominous sign I've only heard about in legends and podcasts: three little lights on the front of my console cheerily told me that I was completely fucked.

I could be angry about this, but I'm really not. Microsoft is sending out a pre-paid mailable casket for free repairs, so I'm not exactly out 300 bucks. Also, this is probably the best time of the year for my 360 to die; with finals week just on the horizon, I need every excuse I can to stay as far away from video games as possible, lest I live the rest of my adult life in a box.  But the real reason why I'm not using the Internet to dispense my white-hot rage is that, in some weird way, having my 360 die has given me some sort of strange gaming street cred.  It sounds silly, I know; but now I can stand in solidarity with all of my brothers whose 360s bit the big one.

But more importantly, through the power of anecdotal evidence, it seems like even newer, post-fiasco 360s aren't free from the Red Ring. Anyone out there have similar stories to back up this hypothesis?

Related Links:

Microsoft Might Just Hate You
Please, Please Don’t Forget Xbox Community Games
Thanks, Microsoft, For Throwing Avatars Back To 1998.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Dec 03 2008, 04:30 PM
Filed under: , , , , ,

Comments

Joe said:

I know what you mean when you say the 360 filled you with justifiable anxiety. I literally have nightmares about the fabled three red rings.

December 3, 2008 4:50 PM

Roto13 said:

Last year, I actually did customer support for Xbox, so your is a situation I spent all day dealing with. :P

My very first call was from some random 12-year-old (I'm guessing) boy who had just got his Xbox back from the repair center only to have it red ring right out of the box. Again. Apparently that was the third or fourth consecutive time it had happened.

When Microsoft "fixes" an Xbox 360, they use the same poor-quality parts. When you get your Xbox back, it still has that defect that makes it so likely to die again. Really, that was the main reason I bought a PS3 instead of a 360. I have standards and the Xbox doesn't meet them. I don't buy defective hardware and that's all there is to it.

The new Jasper models are supposed to be better, but that's what I kept hearing about the Falcon ones, too, and that didn't work at all.

December 3, 2008 5:07 PM

Nadia Oxford said:

I was given a used Xbox 360 as a gift from a friend. He modded it, so the warranty is expired and yeah, hoping I never see that cursed mark of Satan.

December 3, 2008 5:24 PM

John H. said:

Now that a 360 can be had for $50 less than a Wii (really?? madness!!), I've been starting to consider getting one.  But this is troubling news.

December 3, 2008 5:31 PM

Roto13 said:

If I were you, John, I'd wait and see how those Jasper units work out.

Actually, if they aren't made of cardboard and prayer, I might pick one up for myself. My only major problem with the Xbox 360 is the quality of the hardware. Everything else is pretty minor.

Make no mistake, though. Red ring or no red ring. Microsoft hates its customers.

December 3, 2008 5:42 PM

Nadia Oxford said:

Bill Gates: "I didn't get rich by writing a lot of cheques."

December 3, 2008 6:54 PM

Demaar said:

Chances are you're like me and didn't actually get a new model 360 when you thought you were. I got screwed pretty hard. Remember how the Halo 3 360s were supposed to be the latest and greatest? Yeah, mine's pretty much a launch elite with a 20GB HDD.

I keep it horizontal with a fan on it whenever I'm playing anything. Hopefully that'll prolong the inevitable.

December 3, 2008 10:11 PM

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About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

If unsatisfied, please return unused portion for partial refund.

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

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