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Gaming on a Train: Final Fantasy IV

Posted by Bob Mackey

Before I start, let me officially state that DAYUM Rydia is smokin' hot. There, I said it; I'd say it again if I had to. Let's move on, averting our attention to the right only when hormones deem it necessary.

One benefit of taking a mass transit vacation--aside from inexplicably being surrounded by Amish people--is that you can kill most of your travel time by playing video games, instead of waiting for stop signs or the odd empty stretch of highway to squeeze in a quick few turns of Final Fantasy Tactics A2 (I have never done this).  On my most recent trip, I had initially planned on dabbling in quite a few different games I'd picked up over the summer, but ended up devoting all of my time to the Final Fantasy IV remake for reasons that say a lot about the decisions I make in life.

In the 18-or-so years that Final Fantasy IV has existed, I've played through various ports/translations/remakes at least 8-10 times. And it's not even my favorite Final Fantasy game! So why all the madness?

Most of my fascination over IV comes from just how short and snappy it is. You're always minutes away from a new town, event, or character death, and if you do all of the side quests, the game shouldn't last more than 35 hours. Even with the enhanced difficulty of the remake, there are very few times where you have to stop and grind for survival--except when the game takes you to the moon. And the last act is generally where Final Fantasy IV--in any format--runs out of steam; the Velveeta-grade story gets straight-up retarded(moon brothers), and overworld enemy encounters become much more likely to completely wreck your shit. In any version of the game, the moon section can't help but feel an attempt to squeeze as much life as possible from an already-short experience.

But the remake is mostly worth it, and developer Matrix has made some real improvements over 2006's Final Fantasy III remake. For one, they actually use both screens(!!!), adding to a much more polished experience.  And Square-Enix's new translation--though everyone speaks Bardlish like they just stumbled out of a Renaissance Faire--is nigh entertaining, especially when paired with the voiced cut scenes, which play out like some hyperintense Shakespeare fanscript. The only thing foul about this edition of the game is the newly-added Augment system, which is so confusing that even reviews of the game have been unable to convey how confusing it actually is. Seeing that I'm also at the mercy of the English language, the only thing left to say about Augments is they no work good.  GameFAQs your friend.

What I've been trying to avoid for this whole post is the unavoidable truth about Final Fantasy IV DS: it's the crack-cocaine of nostalgia. And as much as I like to think I'm above being gripped by the icy fingers of my childhood, Final Fantasy IV was the first RPG I took seriously, and made me a fan of the Japanese RPG to this day, where it remains a questionable predilection.  But there's just something about the game that makes me remember it more than certain pivitol moments of my life.  To this day, I can never be sure if I really lost my virginity on an airship.

Or maybe it involved a dwarf.

Related links:

Are You Buying Final Fantasy IV DS? Huh? Huh? Huh??
Would You Play a Final Fantasy VII Remake? Hmmm?
Final Fantasy IV DS: Love, Hope and Betrayal For the Busy Commuter
Square-Enix: Reeling in the Devotees For More, Playing the Console Market With Aplomb


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

jp said:

She IS smokin' hot, but then you notice she's wearing a bathing suit and some bizarre fusion of cowboy boots and a gilded Irish tablecloth on her legs and the effect is rather spoiled.

August 18, 2008 4:57 PM

Roto13 said:

I played through the original North American SNES version of IV all the way through, but any subesquent playthroughs have stopped at the moon because by that time I'm tired of it and it's not fun any more.

August 18, 2008 5:59 PM

Nadia Oxford said:

I have a dear great aunt who brings us a tablecloth every time she visits Ireland and...yeah, they look a lot like that.

August 18, 2008 6:15 PM

Bob Mackey said:

she is my wife and you will respect her as such.

August 18, 2008 7:18 PM

Apples said:

I was just thinking she doesn't look *that* ridiculous as far as Final Fantasy characters go, but then I realized that still means she is a thousand times more ridiculous than anyone you will ever see walking down the street.

August 20, 2008 4:16 PM

John Constantine said:

I dunno about that, Apples. You ever walk around SoHo in New York? People walk around looking like Tetsuya Nomura characters like it's their job! All kinds of belts and whatnot.

August 20, 2008 4:33 PM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

If unsatisfied, please return unused portion for partial refund.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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