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A++ Parents Let Their Teen Quit School To Become a Guitar Hero

Posted by Nadia Oxford

I know the news has a tendency to report one side of a story (contrary to popular belief, this has less to do with political affiliation and more to do with how badly Stan the Sports Guy wants to nip off to Hooters). I know that a complete education needs to be more than sitting at a desk until a bell rings and we jump like Pavlov's pups.

But I can't find one scrap of redemption in a story about a 16-year-old quitting school to become a "Professional Guitar Hero player."

Wait. Stop. Let's go over that again, class.

Guitar Hero. Professional.

I'm not one of those self-appointed musical crusaders who tries to convert Guitar Hero players to a Fender. Getting drunk and banging on a Fisher-Price toy to make noise is supposed to be about having fun. It doesn't prepare you to be a real guitar player any more than playing Madden prepares you for getting squashed under Team Gorilla.

Hence why letting a kid drop out of school to play Guitar Hero at a pub is such a tragic comedy. I know many rock and punk revolutionaries dropped out of school to embrace the guitar. I know that the great bluesmen who forged music as we know it today didn't have the benefit of anything close to an adequate education. Unfortunately, the vast majority of kids who drop out to smoke weed, plunk guitar strings and starve don't make it anywhere close to fame. What's going to happen to a kid who drops out to play a fake video game guitar? Will he develop a cotton floss habit that will eventually destroy him?

Bonus points to the kid's parents. "He kept nagging us and insisting school was a waste of time, so we let him drop out." Brilliant! Granted, the parents have hired a tutor for their plastic prodigy, but he/she is likely to become a tutor of Rockin' Out.

Related Links:

Everyone Will Be Able to Rock
Everyone Should Be Able to Rock
Through the Fire and Flames on Mariopaint


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Roto13 said:

Yeah, that's pretty much a big pile of failure right there. How does one actually play Guitar Hero professionally? Where exactly are there so many Guitar Hero tournaments with so much prize money involved that someone could afford to live off it?

August 20, 2008 8:33 PM

Nadia Oxford said:

There aren't any Guitar Hero tournaments that yield money...but there's the chance to win all the Chick Fil A coupons you can conceive of!

August 20, 2008 8:49 PM

Amber Ahlborn said:

Would it be terribly cynical of me to say some people deserve to fail; to fail now and fail hard while there's still time to wake up?

August 21, 2008 1:24 PM

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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