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  • My Top 10 of 2008 in No Particular Order: Audiosurf

    It's the end of another year, and that can only mean one thing: it's list season. Inevitably, you're going to see top ten lists by the thousands; and, as an official member of the enthusiast press, I'm afraid I can't violate my directive. But, to make things a little more interesting, I've decided to assemble my 10 favorite games of this year in non-hierarchical form because--let's face facts--it's hard to pick a favorite.  And unlike other top 10 lists, this one will be doled out to you in piecemeal over the next ten excruciating days!  Please enjoy.



    So, what is there to say about Audiosurf? Unfortunately, I already wrote extensively about the game for a former blogging gig, and since part of my bridge-burning policy involves insulting all of my former employers, I'm going to go ahead and call that website awful. But, as an entertainment writer, it's my job to be repetitive. My job. My Job. Repetitiveness is my job. So I must solider on by informing you of how amazing Audiosurf is--as if you didn't know.

    Read More...


  • Where's the In-game Advertising?

     

    Reuters reports that marketing types aren't quite as enthusiastic about the prospects of in-game advertising as they have been in the past. This new marketing channel has been hyped for over a decade now, but it's shown little growth, certainly not the explosion that was predicted around the time that Munch started drinking SoBe

    Read More...


  • Rock Band: My Anti-Music

    Last Friday, Joe blogged about the curmudgeonly Nickelback and their outrage over how music games like Guitar Hero are supposedly preventing people from actually picking up real instruments and starting bands. As I said in the comments section of that post, if the world needs anything, it's fewer local bands; the town I come from is so lousy with them, you can't leave your car parked anywhere for more than ten minutes without your entire windshield getting plastered with an inch-thick layer of fliers.  So I don't think we need to worry about rock and roll going anywhere anytime soon--and if anything, Nickelback is only contributing to the death of the genre, what with their general shittyness and all.

    For me, though, Rock Band is my only real musical outlet. You see, between the ages of 16 and 17, I had about a year-and-a-half of guitar lessons--and while it didn't give me much of a musical foundation, I still picked up some fundamental skills that manifested into a sort of prototype Guitar Hero.  I'd put on a song, try to play along with it to the best of my ability, and think "Damn, this would be pretty sweet as a video game."  Of course, I'm not exactly claiming I had the idea first; everyone knows that GuitarFreaks predated Guitar Hero by a good seven years--I think my imagination was mainly stoked by my obsession with Um Jammer Lammy and the guitar controllers found on the Japan-only arcade release of the game.

    Read More...


  • Surprise! Nickelback Misunderstands Guitar Hero

    I am sorry that I have to bring up Nickelback here, but this thing they said on Leno just gets me so angry. Even angrier than I usually am at Nickelback, which for the record is “pretty angry.”

    But that’s not game-related bile. This is, though: Chad Kroeger told Jay Leno he wants kids to stop playing Guitar Hero and start up real bands. This in and of itself is not a horrible thing to say: apparently Kroeger is having trouble finding bands that are willing to interact with Nickelback, but rather than thinking that is a problem with his own band or his own douchey personality he is rationalizing it away as “there aren’t enough rock bands out there these days.”

    But his statement is also based on another fallacy—that a significant number of talented musicians are lost to the world because they get their fix from rhythm games. You hear this all the time, and it is crazy and must be stopped.

    Rhythm games are for people like me: those who enjoy music, but don’t have any particular talent for it or drive to create it, to get some simulacrum of a rush we could otherwise never know. They are also for musicians, who can use it to interact with the music they love in a low stress way.

    What rhythm games absolutely do not do is scratch the itch musicians have to learn instruments, and to use them to create music. I guess I should not expect Nickelback, a band that has never created “music” as I define it, to understand this. But let’s put it this way: I have never known anyone that has played the guitar, who has stopped playing that guitar after being introduced to Rock Band. On the other hand, I do know people who played Rock Band and found in them a passion that caused them to learn the real guitar.

    Read More...


  • The "Bike Hero" Viral Video is a Fake...But Should You Love It Any Less?

    For a brief and beautiful 24 hours, a guy on a bike gave us a reason to keep living. It's since been revealed that the Bike Hero is a fake; he is not in fact a Guitar Hero/physical fitness guru who's come to Earth to show us all the way. Instead, he's a viral creation of an ad agency called Droga5.

    But Gamecyte asks us: should that matter?

    If a company produces a legitimately awesome piece of art in the vein of user generated content, does its less-than-humble origin detract from its value? Are any of you angry or disappointed that there isn’t really a part-time McDonalds employee and his friends behind the production — or perhaps that Droga5 tried to make you think that there were?


    I am personally at peace with Droga5. I think a little piece of my heart knew the Bike Hero did not actually exist in this paranoid era. Really, if Old Man Macphearson saw a bunch of punk teenagers applying giant coloured tiddlywinks to the suburban sidewalk and street, what would stop him from calling the cops? And what would stop the police from busting up the project? Looking at it rationally (boo, hiss), turning a neighbourhood into a giant Guitar Hero song would be a dangerous endevour. Drivers and pedestrians would be distracted and confused and someone might end up as pate at the end of it all.

    Read More...


  • Easy Access: Eelke Folmer Is a Mule of Epic Proportions

    Easy Access is a semi-regular look at gaming for the physically disabled. For anyone unfamiliar with the term mule, dig this.

    I’m garbage at playing guitar. Somehow I managed enough finger dexterity in my youth to actually become competent at playing the trumpet, but there’s always been something about working my way across six strings that’s eluded me. I am, as the kids say, all thumbs. What’s even more embarrassing is that I can’t even muddle my way through playing fake guitar. When Rock Band is inevitably broken out on late Friday nights and I grudgingly yield the mic to a friend, I can only handle the guitar parts on easy, the gaming equivalent of being patted slowly on the head and offered a cookie. A sad state of affairs, no doubt, but my problem with fake guitar is different than that of the real deal. It’s the timing, matching my fingers to the oncoming visual cues, that gives me so much trouble.

    Eelke Folmer’s new Frets on Fire (an open source Guitar Hero clone) mod, Blind Hero, might actually let me play on medium or higher. The University of Nevada Reno AP’s game is built specifically for the blind and allows you to play Frets based on sound and touch alone via a specialized glove used in conjunction with the guitar controller. The glove uses pager engines to create haptic feedback, signaling the player when a note should be played and with which finger. Based on a test sampling for twelve players, three of which were themselves blind, the glove works like a charm.

    So, yes, I’m thrilled, but, more importantly, Folmer’s work is another exciting step for opening games up to a wider audience. I’ve thought about the largely unexplored frontier of designing videogames outside of traditional interface types a lot in the past few months and Folmer is a pioneer in the field.

    Read More...


  • Meme of the Moment: Bike Hero

    The "Most Creative Use of Free Time" award goes to YouTube user madflux for the following video--and perhaps, for all time. Combining biking, Guitar Hero, an extraordinary amount of planning, and what must have been dozens of takes (he ain't telling), madflux shows us that he takes his fake instrument playing very seriously. And we all benefit from it:



    The most astounding part about all of this--to me, anyway--is how the bike rider is able to keep up a consistent tempo (in this case, speed) for all of this to work out.  I'll also be astounded if, by the end of the week, Bike Hero isn't turned into a t-shirt, referenced in 1000 lame webcomics, or made the focus of a new reality show on VH-1.  Ah, the time before a meme becomes obnoxious.  Savor it.

    Related Links:

    A++ Parents Let Their Teen Quit School To Become a Guitar Hero

    Praise His Name With Guitar Praise--Or Go to Hell
    Everyone Will be Able to Rock

    Read More...


  • How Chicago Inadvertently Penned an Anthem for Dead Anime Fathers

    The other day, I was browsing a retail establishment when Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" came over the store speakers. Suddenly, I felt very sad.

    It was an interesting reaction and not one I would have had a few years ago. Having surrendered my youth to the modern day equivilent of potato mines (retail), I'm familiar with the safe music that's piped over the speakers to keep the masters and beasts complacent. I would never give Chicago another thought ever again if not for an Elite Beat Agents scenario involving an anime girl's dead father.



    Surely I'm not the only one who's come to associate games with certain licensed songs. The Japanese have been sneaky about it since we were kids: Mario's invincibility music is lifted straight from Jesus Christ Superstar and more than one tune in the early Mega Man games sounded like a tribute to Guns n Roses and/or Metallica. But legitimate songs being used in games (or to advertise games) is quickly becoming popular and I'm increasingly interested in the association aspect. This doesn't apply so much to games like Guitar Hero or Rock Band, which usually have you belting out tunes in a club, or possibly a fancy club. I'm referring to instances where a song is used to define a game, or an in-game scenario like the ones in Elite Beat Agents.

    Read More...


  • GWI: Gaming While Intoxicated

    Like any sensible young man, I am a fan of good beer. And obviously, a fan of video games as well. For certain reasons, these two interests don't usually intertwine.  I usually unwind with an adult-style beverage (or two) along with some quality gaming at the end of the day, but I get hopelessly distracted when operating on anything more than a solid buzz.  However, a recent purchase of mine proved to me that some games actually get better as your BAC rises.

    Folks, Rock Band 2 has driven me to drink.  More.

    Of course, this really should have come as no surprise; I've done karaoke before, and I can say that if you aren't sick the following morning (and not from shame), you're doing it wrong.  So I decided to test out the Karaoke Principle by inviting a few friends over who had never played Rock Band before.  Here's some dialogue that was exchanged as we were sober and holding plastic instruments:

    Friend 1: I'm not gonna lie. I feel like a pretty big nerd right now.

    Me: Don't worry; this is the first step of our suicide pact.

    Read More...


  • Ceci N'Est Pas Une 1-Up: The Surrealist Future of Postpunk Gaming

    While reading Rip It Up and Start Again, Simon Reynolds’ sharp history of postpunk, I started thinking about videogames. I’m nothing if not predictable, I know. There’s a slight corollary between the gaming zeitgeist and punk rock. Not politically, of course. Videogames are, at least popularly, more conservative today than they’ve ever been. Just look at Bobby Kotick’s reasoning for dropping Brutal Legend and Ghostbusters from Activision’s release schedule: "[Those games] don't have the potential to be exploited every year on every platform with clear sequel potential and have the potential to become $100 million dollar franchises.” I realize that Activision is in the business of making money and not artifacts to inspire the human soul, but publicly stating that your publishing ethos is assembly-line-production makes it difficult to assess the creative merits of Guitar Hero: Buy This One Too, Just ‘Cause.

    No, videogames in 2008 are, like punk rock in 1974, taking a medium that’s become marked by excess and stripping it back to its most basic. Even beyond Capcom’s retro efforts and traditional two-dimensional, genre exercises (Braid, Castle Crashers) on Xbox Live, designers like DICE are trying to keep games simple and raw. Mirror’s Edge, for all of its visual polish, uses only three buttons for the bulk of its action and the game’s goals are uncomplicated (run to, run away.) Games are also trying to put the power of creation back into the audience’s hands. Halo 3’s Forge, LittleBigPlanet, and Maxis’ Spore might not be putting players into the guts of design, but they are inlets for everyone to make their own games. You don’t need to know how to play guitar to rock, and you don’t need to know C++, or draw, or write to make a game. Add these mainstream juggernauts to the booming independent dev scene, the confrontational tedium of games like No More Heroes (as Goichi Suda says, punk’s not dead,) and we may look back on the 2010s as gaming’s punk rock era. But how does punk lead to postpunk, the rebellion of aestheticism through the surreal and the futurist against the simplistic and traditional? What would that game even look like?

    Read More...


  • Praise His Name With Guitar Praise--Or Go to Hell

    If your worship of Jesus Christ permeates every level of your life to the point where you must include Him in your fictional guitar playing, your worries can now cease; Guitar Praise, a PC Guitar Hero clone, exists to remove all of the fun from music games forever.  Okay, Okay; I know I'm being kind of harsh.  To be honest, when it comes to Christian Rock, I'm of the same mind set as King of the Hill's Hank Hill: "You're not making Christianity better, you're just making rock and roll worse."  It's totally cool to worship however you want, though Flanders-ized products like this always seem a little disingenuous to me; I'm sure God has better things to do than fret over you playing "My Name Is Jonas" on expert.  Still, if you must have this product, it exists.  One question, though: just what are you doing on the secular Internet?

    If you're wondering just how Praise Hero plays, Wired's Eliot Van Buskirk has written a hands-on report that's obviously not as hateful (or fueled by Catholic school experience) as my own take on the game. One thing I thought was funny, though, was his mention of Guitar Praise's use of gentle encouragement for those who totally suck on toast:

    Digital Praise's Guitar Praise - Solid Rock adopts the same concept of "playing" rock tunes on an increasingly difficult level. But it inhabits a gentler world where a bad performance gets you mild clapping and gentle suggestions instead of the raucous boos and catcalls that accompany failure in Guitar Hero.

    Read More...


  • I’ve Got a Driver, And That’s A Start: Now That Harmonix Has The Beatles, What Should a Fab Four Game Even Be?

    I said it way back in June, and I’m happy to say it again today: FINALLY! Today’s co-hosted conference call from MTV and Apple Corps announcing that Harmonix will be developing a game devoted solely to Geroge, John, Paul, and Ringo is, not to be too cutesy or anything, music to my ears. There are really only two pieces of concrete news. First, Giles Martin, son of fifth-Beatle/production-pioneer George Martin and producer of the best Beatles mix tape ever made, Love, will be on music production for the still unnamed game. Shame George himself wasn’t confirmed (or Paul and Ringo for that matter), but Giles has already proven his mettle. The second, and more interesting for videogame-land, is that the game will not bear the Rock Band name, leaving the game to become its own unique artifact covering the group’s entire career. But this begs the question: what will The Beatles game be?

    Read More...


  • Christian Games Need Not Sucketh

    News of a "Christian" alternative to Guitar Hero has the gaming world laughing at Christians again. I can't imagine why.

    "Grab the guitar and play along with top Christian bands! Shred those riffs or blast the bass…you add a unique sound to the solid Christian rock. But watch out: if you can't keep up, the artists will take a break and stop the music."


    Oh yeah. That's why.

    How did Christian-oriented games end up as the #1 Choice for Scared Grandmas who need a Birthday gift for sonny boy? By all rights, Christian games should kick ass. They should make you think about your own spirituality. They should make you consider the wonder of the world around us. They should not be about unconditional lollipops and dodging Sunday-shopping heathens to get to Church.

    Speaking for my own upbringing, I am a Jew with a smattering of Catholicism. My mother was Irish-Catholic, but she converted. It basically means that she is one of a very few women in the world who has cooked chicken soup and matzoh balls while crying over the death of Pope John Paul the II.

    Read More...


  • No Alternate Soundtrack: Donkey Kong Jungle Beat

    Nearly a full year before the first Guitar Hero introduced gamers to the now all-too familiar concept of game controllers shaped like musical instruments, Nintendo released Donkey Kong Jungle Beat for the Gamecube worldwide. The game was a platformer in the vein of Donkey Kong Country that overlooked the Gamecube controller in favor of the DK Bongo peripheral used earlier for Donkey Konga, a rhythm game that aped (oh god, sorry about that) its own development team's Taiko Drum Master series of games. Rather than come off as gimmicky as a result of this peripheral use, though, Jungle Beat felt fresh and intuitive and was praised by critics for its innovation. Years before the Wii would get gamers off their butts, Jungle Beat was moving players and causing them to work up a sweat, all while playing a traditional platformer.

    Read More...


  • A++ Parents Let Their Teen Quit School To Become a Guitar Hero

    I know the news has a tendency to report one side of a story (contrary to popular belief, this has less to do with political affiliation and more to do with how badly Stan the Sports Guy wants to nip off to Hooters). I know that a complete education needs to be more than sitting at a desk until a bell rings and we jump like Pavlov's pups.

    But I can't find one scrap of redemption in a story about a 16-year-old quitting school to become a "Professional Guitar Hero player."

    Wait. Stop. Let's go over that again, class.

    Guitar Hero. Professional.

    I'm not one of those self-appointed musical crusaders who tries to convert Guitar Hero players to a Fender. Getting drunk and banging on a Fisher-Price toy to make noise is supposed to be about having fun. It doesn't prepare you to be a real guitar player any more than playing Madden prepares you for getting squashed under Team Gorilla.

    Hence why letting a kid drop out of school to play Guitar Hero at a pub is such a tragic comedy. I know many rock and punk revolutionaries dropped out of school to embrace the guitar. I know that the great bluesmen who forged music as we know it today didn't have the benefit of anything close to an adequate education. Unfortunately, the vast majority of kids who drop out to smoke weed, plunk guitar strings and starve don't make it anywhere close to fame. What's going to happen to a kid who drops out to play a fake video game guitar? Will he develop a cotton floss habit that will eventually destroy him?

    Read More...


  • Everyone Will be Able to Rock



    At the end of June, my concerns for the future of videogames' burgeoning rock star genre were growing by the hour. Activision was waving their new drum kit in EA’s face while Konami tried to get people to like their music games outside of Japan. The big problem? None of those companies appeared to give a damn that they were flooding a market and audience already drowning under a torrent of plastic instruments. Not to mention that none of those instruments were guaranteed to be compatible with games that didn’t come packaged with alongside them. Yeah, Guitar Hero 3 and its electronic axe might be one of the ten best selling games in the history of games but that doesn’t mean the genre bubble can’t burst. Today, another faceless company has helped to allay my fears.

    And, would you believe it, it’s Sony doing the allaying.

    The once haughty Japanese giant stated on their Playstation blog that they have reached an agreement with Activision, EA/MTV, and Konami to allow every single publisher’s rock & roll instruments will work with every publisher’s games on the Playstation 3. Bought Rock Revolution but want to get in on Rock Band 2’s killer track list? Go for it. Feel like using that gorgeous new Guitar Hero World Tour drum kit with Konami’s new opus? Fine, have fun. Not only that, but SCEA also said that, though it isn’t happening just yet, they’re working on a fix for the original Rock Band and Guitar Hero 3 as well.

    This is the first step on the road to peripheral-based music games finally coming into their own. Guitar Hero made them an institution but this agreement will help cement the instrument set as an expandable platform that doesn’t necessitate annual hardware revisions. What else needs to happen to guarantee this glorious, melodious future?

    Read More...


  • Warner Music Wants More Royalties

     

    File this one under "Still Not Getting It".

    NEW YORK (Reuters) - Warner Music Group Corp, the world's third-largest music company, said on Thursday that video game makers will need to pay more to license songs for music-based video games like "Guitar Hero" and "Rock Band."

    Warner Music Chief Executive Edgar Bronfman drew comparisons between MTV's launch 25 years ago or Apple Inc's iPod launch five years ago, and today's video game companies like Activision Blizzard Inc and Harmonix, a unit of Viacom Inc.

    "The amount being paid to the music industry, even though their games are entirely dependent on the content we own and control, is far too small"

    Presumably these additional tariffs will be passed on to players, resulting in pricier song downloads.

    Read More...


  • Through the Fire and Flames on Mariopaint

    I've never been able to tell if I'm supposed to take Dragonforce seriously. I guess the fact that their fame comes from being the creators of Guitar Hero III's most insane song should be an indication--I mean, you have to guitar-battle Satan while these guys babble on about evil wizards or something. I guess I'm not going to take them seriously no matter what.

    Anyway, the music compser for Mario Paint really suits Dragonforce's flagship song, Through the Fire and Flames. I love listening to song adaptations over Mario Paint, even if I can't tolerate them for long. I remember attempting to compose music on the SNES classic and winding up with a bunch of jingly-jangly noise.

    Anecdote: when I was younger, I went over to the house of a friend of mine who had Mario Paint. When we walked in the apartment, the SNES was on and there was a flashing message on the television telling us both--by name--to eff off. The greeting was courtesy of my friend's brother, who didn't count on the fact that plans had changed and we'd be getting picked up and let into the apartment by the astonished matriarch of the brood.

    Read More...


  • Why Dontcha Cry About It, Saddle Bags: Konami Sues Viacom Over Rock Band

    It seems that Rock Revolution isn’t the only way Konami is responding to Harmonix’s meteoric rise to music-videogame power. The house of Castlevania announced that they are suing Viacom, MTV Games’ parent company, and Harmonix specifically because Rock Band and its instrument peripherals violate Konami patents. According to Bloomberg.com, the patents in question detail, “simulated musical instruments, a music-game system and a ‘musical-rhythm matching game.’” They are not, however, suing Activision or Red Octane, makers of the current incarnation of Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero and its original guitar peripheral were themselves designed by Harmonix, so it seems peculiar that Konami wouldn’t direct their hissy-fit at them as well.

    Read More...


  • Everyone Should Be Able to Rock



    When Konami announced Rock Revolution
    back in May, their re-entry into the rock and roll videogame arena, you could practically hear the gaming world’s exasperation, eyes rolling, sighs exhaled in unison. No one wants stagnation, obviously. Guitar Hero’s fresh approach to music games revolutionized the industry three years ago, a feat Konami’s GuitarFreaks hadn’t managed in the better part of a decade. But no one wants clutter. Yet another band game hitting the public means yet another set of proprietary instrument controllers. Problematic, considering the precedent set by Activision last fall. They made it abundantly clear that they’re not interested in having their instruments completely compatible with another publisher’s software, a point they’ve reiterated by developing brand new drum, guitar, and microphone peripherals (with different functions than those made by MTV Games for Rock Band) for the upcoming Guitar Hero: World Tour. It seems that Konami’s chosen a more reasonable approach. Konami associate producer Keith Matejka told MTV News’ Patrick Klepek, "Compatibility is a big issue for music games. Peripherals are expensive for the user and they are expensive to produce. The existing peripherals all deliver only a slightly different gameplay experience. Different teams have varying perspectives on what should be compatible with each game. I think all guitar- and drum-based games need to be compatible with each other to some level."

    He’s absolutely right, and not just from a consumer friendliness perspective.

    Read More...


  • The Magical Mystery Tour is Coming to Take You Away



    Finally. The Beatles’ slow arrival to digital media has been pretty torturous for us fans. I mean, my CD of Revolver will barely play thanks to all the scratches earned through years of travel and love, and it’s not like I can listen to vinyl on the go. Why go out and buy another disc? It’s 2008, I should be able to legally download the damn thing by now. My newfound love of Rock Band has made things even worse. It seems downright perverse that I can sit down with friends and play Paramore’s “CrushCrushCrush” but I can’t belt out my scintillating rendition of “Happiness is a Warm Gun”. While I doubt that the “talks” EMI and Apple Corps are having with Activision and MTV Games are going to end in time for Abbey Road to hit Guitar Hero 4 and Rock Band 2 this fall, it’s still reassuring to know they’re happening.

    Even beyond The Beatles, I’m anxious for Activison and MTV’s games to have iTunes-like access to music. Is it possible to build the software so it procedurally generates the game interface instead of having to hand craft it for each song?

    Read More...


  • Guns and Football: The Ten Best Selling Games in America



    It’s one thing to hear people in the international community exclaim that Americans are loud slobs who don’t care about anything except violence and football. It’s another to see it spelled out in raw numbers. Brian Caulfield of Forbes, using data provided by the NPD Group, wrote an article early last week looking at the ten best selling videogames in the US as of April 2008. The list, after the jump.

    Read More...


  • NPD Wrap: The Times Are a Changin’



    April’s come to a close and now, under the cold, hard light of math, three things are becoming clear. First, people freaking love Nintendo games. Sure, we already knew that, but over a million people bought Mario Kart for Wii in less than a week. Second, people freaking love Grand Theft Auto. Nearly two million people bought that in even less time. Third, our access to new videogames is going to change dramatically in the very near future. While these numbers may just look like numbers to us, to the people who publish videogames, the people who control when we get to engage these creations, the math is saying that 2008 is different. Tradition dictates that high profile, big hype games are held in reserve for the holiday push from late September through December and the rest of the year is just a slow trickle of quality goods. The math of March and April 2008 says that people will buy many, many games throughout the year, not just around Christmas. What happens now? Going forward, we’re going to see more games, more often. At least, until digital distribution destroys physical media and the whole issue becomes moot.

    Come get some hard analysis and delicious numbers after the jump.

    Read More...



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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


CONTRIBUTORS

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

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