Register Now!

61 Frames Per Second

WTFriday: Are You Bad Enough to Save Pamela Anderson from Colonel Sanders?

Posted by Bob Mackey

Note to readers: WTFriday is a weekly feature where I find something stupid about video games and get you to laugh until it goes away. Please try to forget this is what I normally do every day of the week.

Why did a long-dead fried chicken salesman kidnap a brain-dead Baywatch star? It has something to do with cruelty--a cruelty far removed from being aware of this premise.  And it in no way involves the trauma of eating grey, veiny chicken, AKA "KFC's original recipe."  This wholly ludicrous story of an undead Southern gent turning to a life of crime comes from Peta's new web game, Super Chick Sisters, which may be a crime itself.

The game is an homage to Super Mario Bros. with an activist slant--okay, Mario and Luigi actually appear, so it maybe be a little more than an homage.  After Wii-induced injuries find the two brothers completely incapacitated, the lesser-known female duo of Nugget and Chickette--who are baby chicks--must drop their busy lives to save someone who was reportedly attractive over a decade ago.  Also, there's something in there about saving their tortured chicken bretheren.  I should have paid closer attention.

As far as platformers go, Super Chick Sisters is innocuous to the point of sleep-induction. But as an instructive tool, it's even worse; the messages about animal cruelty are completely removed from the game itself--aside from the hilarious demonization of KFC. All the condemnation of the restaurant chain's practices are delivered via cinema scenes and text bubbles by NPCs that you can safely ignore. If Peta really wanted to show us how terrible chickens are treated by the Sons of Sanders, why not put us into the world of these flightless birds for their final grueling moments on Earth? Not quite as adorable as the Super Chick Sisters, but far more effective.  Please insert the Ken Levine quote of your choice here.

Let's get one thing straight: if you like eating meat, you shouldn't be eating Kentucky Fried Chicken, for obvious reasons. Don't let a kooky activist group talk you into things like they've done with so many green dinosaurs in the past:


Yoshi is a metaphor for college freshmen.

Related Links:

WTFriday: 20/20 from 20 Years Ago Copes With Nintendo
WTFriday: Birdo's Gender Confirmed?
WTFriday: FMV Hell
+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

thompson said:

so peta is pissed that mario punches yoshi in the back of the head to make him eat things?

i always thought he was into it.  shit made him fly.

September 12, 2008 5:56 PM

Dr. Scientist said:

This game sounds hilarious!  is it available for mobile gaming?  The <a href="www.motorola.com/.../a> has awesome graphics, a full HTML browser, Java capabilities, and a whole lot of other stuff.  It'd be cool to play it to kill time anywhere.

September 12, 2008 6:00 PM

Roto13 said:

I can't imagine the People for the Eating of Tasty Animals have Nintendo's permission to use Mario and company for their KFC commercials. Makes me want a Big Crunch, though....

September 12, 2008 9:25 PM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

If unsatisfied, please return unused portion for partial refund.

in

Archives

about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


Send tips to


Tags

VIDEO GAMES


partners