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Where I Draw the Line With Retro

Posted by Bob Mackey

Today's Virtual Console release of Mega Man 2 reminded me of the time I naively planned to play through all of the Mega Man games in order through the then-new Anniversary Collection.  I miraculously made it through most of the first game--which is pretty damn tough--only to be stopped in my tracks by that asshole on the right.  Yes, thanks to the Yellow Devil, I will never know the sweet, sweet joy that comes with finishing our blue hero's inaugural adventure.  Please do not describe the endorphin rush, for it would only make me sad.

Here's a video if you need a reminder of my pain. I no longer possess the reflexes to beat this monstrosity--if I ever had them to begin with:



As much as I like retro games, there are certain things about them like our friend the Yellow Devil that try my patience and make me say "no more."  At the risk of being called "weaksauce," I know my limits.  With the first Mega Man, those limits were clearly embodied in a cheap boss (never mind that the video above makes him look incredibly easy) in which I would have to invest hours of muscle-memory training.  But it isn't just the ravages of age that are keeping me from games that I'd honestly like to replay.  I've had the intention of having another go at Final Fantasy VIII ever since my first playthrough of the game back in 1999, but the threat of something so slow and dated in a distinctly 32-bit era kind of way keeps me at bay.

So where does your logical, rational mind draw the line when it comes to retro? Are there certain things you cannot--or will not--do, despite your love for games of the past? I think it's healthy to know your limits, even if they do make you a little sad inside.

Related Links:

Mega Man 9 Goes Back To Your Roots. Way Back.
The Delights of Continuity in Mega Man and Abroad
The Ten Greatest Classic Mega Man Levels, Part 1


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Comments

Rob said:

Well, there's fun and difficult, and then there's difficult and rage-inducing.

Exhibit A: Battletoads.  Really fucking hard.  But one of the most fun and innovative games ever.  I spent a month playing through and memorizing the levels, which is pretty much the only way to beat it.  It was really hard, but it was damn fun.

Exhibit B: Ghosts and Goblins.  I spent a month playing this, and now there are seven holes in my wall and my drinking problem got worse.  And I never actually beat it either.  Part of me wants to play again just to say I beat it...but the logical part of my brain tells me to stop those crazy thoughts.

September 15, 2008 8:10 PM

parish said:

Yeah, I draw the line at the ZX Spectrum. Screw you, England. One-color transparent sprites on isometric monochromatic backgrounds are just frigging lame no matter how moony-eyed you get over them.

September 15, 2008 8:53 PM

Bob Mackey said:

Stuff like that is the reason I wish Retro Gamer was an American magazine.

September 15, 2008 9:20 PM

Roto13 said:

I've finished all of the original Mega Man games, 1 through 8. You may bow. You know, if you were really having that much trouble with the Yellow Devil, you should have been cheap and used the pause trick. You can kill him in like five seconds using that.

My tolerance for difficulty is pretty high, I guess, as long as the game is fun enough and there's enough of a reward. For Mega Man, the reward is being able to say, "I've finished all of the original Mega Man games, 1 through 8. You may bow."

Probably one of my biggest gaming accomplishments in terms of pure difficulty was beating Viewtiful Joe on the hardest difficulty. I tried that final boss like three dozen times. I sat down one morning and I told myself I wasn't getting back up until I had finished the game, and I did it. I unlocked Captain Blue as a playable character and everything.

But my answer to the actual question (enough bragging!) about my tolerance for retro, I think really old RPGs aren't very fun. RPGs have a lot of aspects that can be very annoying, and later RPGs (at least the good ones) try their best to avoid those traps. Dragon Quest 1 is not fun. Not at all. (The fact that it's changed so little in like 20 years means that Dragon Quest VIII isn't particularly fun for me either.)

September 15, 2008 9:45 PM

Bob Mackey said:

I'd use the pause trick if I could survive his initial warping in--and if the Anniversary Collection kept this bug intact.

September 15, 2008 11:36 PM

Roto13 said:

That initial warping shouldn't kill you, even if you do take a couple of hits. (You can't be THAT bad at it, can you? :P I mean, you obviously made it that far, so it's not like you're completely hopeless at Mega Man games.) And that bug was left in Anniversary Collection. I used it.

September 16, 2008 12:07 AM

Bob Mackey said:

It's too late to go back.  I can never go back. (Unless I have savestates)

September 16, 2008 12:37 AM

Nadia Oxford said:

I finished the original Mega Man, but I was playing it on a black and white TV that was always on the verge of overheating. I think desperation gave me that last little push I needed to vault over the Yellow Devil. That, and my deathly fear of fire.

September 16, 2008 12:40 AM

Peter Smith said:

It's lame that the Anniversary Collection takes that quirk out. The whole thing with NES games is you had to use absolutely everything in your arsenal. Fair's fair I say.

Some of my favorite games are excruciatingly hard, but fair--Castlevania 1 & 3, Ninja Gaiden 1. They have great difficulty curves, and you always feel like no one could beat the level you're on in a million years, until you actually beat it. At which point the next one ramps it up again.

September 16, 2008 3:12 PM

Roto13 said:

The only things the Anniversary Collection does differently (besides screwing up the controls for the Game Cube version) are allow you to save instead of just using passwords, and allow you to use a different mode that provides hints when you pause the game. That trick is still in the Anniversary Collection. :P

September 16, 2008 4:45 PM

Peter Smith said:

Ah, that's reassuring to hear actually.

September 16, 2008 7:03 PM

Demaar said:

I never knew of this trick. I came soul crushingly close to beating the Yellow Devil one time, but sadly I've never completed MM1.

September 18, 2008 4:21 AM

About Bob Mackey

For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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