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Mega Man 9 Review: Pay No Attention to the Numbers. For My Sanity and Yours.

Posted by Nadia Oxford

I don't get to review stuff too often in my writing "career." I'm far more thankful for this than you might imagine.

I correct myself. I do actually review Japanese manga over at Mania.com and I'm pretty okay with receiving free manga. But reviewing manga is as easy as petting a dog. I read the story within an hour, write up my opinions and Bob's yer uncle, as my mom says (for some reason). Reviewing a game, on the other hand, is as treacherous as petting a wolf. You might get through it alive, but then again you might be missing your large intestine by the end of it.

Writing a game review is such a nasty business because gamers decided at some point that they're allergic to reading. It all comes down to the numbers. Yes, numbers are the universal language, but come on. The world is so much larger than 8.8.

But the numbers bring the controversy, and with the controversy comes more readers. It's sad, but I can confidently say that major gaming magazines/sites will never be rid of numerical (or alphabetical) summations. For that reason, we're going to have to keep on putting up with baffling nonsense like IGN's Mega Man 9 review. The review sings a heavenly chorus for the game, as if there was any doubt, but look haaaaarder at the score for the graphics: 3.0/10.

Mega Man 9 sets out to do exactly what it intended to do, and it looks exactly like Inafune's favourite dreams. The reviewer knows all this and says the game looks great, and yet...3.0/10.

It's all very silly. How do you slap a number on an expression? My brain feels like it's being pulled apart like a lump of Play-Doh; I can't even decide if I want to blame IGN or not. Yes, Mega Man 9 looks as primitive as a cup-and-ball next to today's big shiny gun games, but the execution is top-notch, going as far as to give us slowdown and flicker--if we want it. Doesn't effort count for anything anymore? God, how are we all supposed to glide through school and life like I did?

Really though, if we could drop the damn numbers game that reviews have become and take away fans' impulse to jump the gun and be the first to register their disgust on the Internet, I'd have a lot fewer headaches. And everyone on the Internet knows that my comfort is top priority.

Related Links:

The Strange Case of Hype
The 61FPS Review: Wii Fit Part 1
IGN Pwned By Random Dude on a Forum


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Amber Ahlborn said:

This is why I think graphics is a useless measurement of visual quality.  In its current usage, it doesn't mean visual quality, it means technical prowess.  A game that sets down a concept art style and matches it in game is a game that succeeds visually, end of story.  Hmm, I feel a blog post coming on.

September 20, 2008 12:34 PM

Roto13 said:

I agree with both of you. It's an art style. It has nothing at all to do with poor execution. The very fact that they managed to make it look so much like a NES game that you can't tell the difference between it and an actual NES game is a testament how good the graphics are. It's like saying Paper Mario has poor graphics because it has a low polygon count.

September 20, 2008 1:03 PM

Bob Mackey said:

I've always been under the assumption that you should review a game based on what it tries to do; in this case, the graphics of Mega Man 9 succeed.  I'm not about to say the game looks as nice as 2 or 3, but it certainly doesn't look bad for an NES game.

September 21, 2008 5:05 PM

Demaar said:

I'm of two minds on scoring graphics. On one hand they should probably be taken into context like in Mega Man 9's case and judged on what they were meant to accomplish.

On the other, if the reviewer makes it purely clear that he's knocking down graphics because of his own personal biases against that style, then I think that's fine to. No review can ever be truly unbiased (and if such a creature does exist, I'm sure it's about as much fun to read as an instructional label on a pack of tooth picks), so it doesn't matter too much if a reviewer runs with it, but makes his biases clear at the same time.

September 22, 2008 4:44 AM

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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