I don't get to review stuff too often in my writing "career." I'm far more thankful for this than you might imagine.
I correct myself. I do actually review Japanese manga over at Mania.com and I'm pretty okay with receiving free manga. But reviewing manga is as easy as petting a dog. I read the story within an hour, write up my opinions and Bob's yer uncle, as my mom says (for some reason). Reviewing a game, on the other hand, is as treacherous as petting a wolf. You might get through it alive, but then again you might be missing your large intestine by the end of it.
Writing a game review is such a nasty business because gamers decided at some point that they're allergic to reading. It all comes down to the numbers. Yes, numbers are the universal language, but come on. The world is so much larger than 8.8.
But the numbers bring the controversy, and with the controversy comes more readers. It's sad, but I can confidently say that major gaming magazines/sites will never be rid of numerical (or alphabetical) summations. For that reason, we're going to have to keep on putting up with baffling nonsense like IGN's Mega Man 9 review. The review sings a heavenly chorus for the game, as if there was any doubt, but look haaaaarder at the score for the graphics: 3.0/10.
Mega Man 9 sets out to do exactly what it intended to do, and it looks exactly like Inafune's favourite dreams. The reviewer knows all this and says the game looks great, and yet...3.0/10.
It's all very silly. How do you slap a number on an expression? My brain feels like it's being pulled apart like a lump of Play-Doh; I can't even decide if I want to blame IGN or not. Yes, Mega Man 9 looks as primitive as a cup-and-ball next to today's big shiny gun games, but the execution is top-notch, going as far as to give us slowdown and flicker--if we want it. Doesn't effort count for anything anymore? God, how are we all supposed to glide through school and life like I did?
Really though, if we could drop the damn numbers game that reviews have become and take away fans' impulse to jump the gun and be the first to register their disgust on the Internet, I'd have a lot fewer headaches. And everyone on the Internet knows that my comfort is top priority.
Related Links:
The Strange Case of Hype
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IGN Pwned By Random Dude on a Forum