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  • The Angry Video Game Nerd Says a Bad Word: Deadly Towers

    Sons and Daughters of the 8-bit Gods, it is time. The Angry Video Game Nerd has summoned the power of his inner heart and our contributed swears to bark back at the evil that eclipsed our Nintendos so long ago: Deadly Towers.

    Note that the audio on this movie is Not Safe For Work in any regard. Things get pretty raunchy at record speed.

    Personally, I think I would have preferred a complete review instead of a bunch of strung-together swears, however foul (wait, I am talking about the Angry Video Game Nerd, right?). Deadly Towers is a game that doesn't come by often. It's as rare as Dracula's centennial resurrection and fifty times more frightening. Most "bad" games are merely mediocre, or they fail for very obvious reasons like making the controller come to life and bite you on the thumb. You say to yourself, "This game is an unfair piece of crap" and you throw it out the window in good conscience.

    But when you play Deadly Towers, your brain goes numb. You know you're playing a terrible game, but you're helpless to turn away. It's like those nightmare stories about paralysed patients waking up on the operating table and lying frozen while the scalpel cuts into them.

    Read More...


  • The Nerd Needs You!

    If you thought the Angry Video Game Nerd probably pulled something or lost some vital part of his soul while reviewing the truly wretched Superman 64...you'd be right. That's why he needs us all to chip in, ease him onto his crutches and help him review another digital terror: Deadly Towers for the NES.

    How does a mortal gamer even begin to describe Prince Myer's wack adventure? Let's turn to Seanbaby. Seanbaby is not a mortal, but actually a demigod and the all-purpose warrior that arts and crafts booklets are referring to when they tell you not to turn on the oven or use scissors without an adult present. Because Seanbaby's intestines are lined with lead, he was able to play Deadly Towers and place it at its deserved #1 spot in his list of The 20 Worst NES Games Of All Time:

    "Deadly Towers. This game was originally called, "Shitty Towers," but when seventeen play testers went on a homicidal rampage, its name was changed to remind us all of that cold, bloody morning.

    "Don't try to make sense of it. Just do everything in your power to not play this game."

    Read More...



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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a Led Zeppelin/Talking Heads/Police/Replacements-covering power trio called Shovel, and will gladly rock your world if you so desire.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

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