Capcom, come on buddy, you know I love you. You been so good to me, you treat me right, you take me dancing and bring me flowers everyday. But we need to talk about the new CGI Resident Evil movie you’ve got going. It’s not that I don’t want to see the continuing adventures of Claire Redfield and Leon Kennedy, you know I do. But you are terrible at writing dialogue, Capcom. You have always been terrible at writing dialogue. Why, just look at all the Resident Evil games! People are still making “master of unlocking” and “Jill pancake” jokes twelve years after the game came out! If you insist on making this Resident Evil movie, please hire another writer. Not Paul W.S. Anderson.
On a serious note, Resident Evil Degeneration looks alright. I just think it’s very peculiar that it exists. There have already been three atrocious, mildly successful live-action Resident Evil movies, so Capcom can’t be looking to capture that audience with a dense, game-continuity driven feature like Degeneration. Hell, the audience for continuity can’t even be that big. The Resident Evil games are hugely popular because people like shooting zombies, not because they’re involved in its narrative intrigues. I hope Capcom isn’t just making this because Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children was successful. That wasn’t successful because it was good. It was good because Final Fantasy VII makes people go crazy.
Editor's Note: Turns out I was mistaken. Jill Valentine was almost a "sandwhich" in Resident Evil, not a pancake. Let it be known across the land that it was FPSer Cole Stryker who spotted the mistake, thusly marking himself as the bigger nerd.
Related links:
Games to Film: Paul W.S. Anderson
Capcom to Date, By the Numbers
The Five Greatest Enhanced Remakes – And Five That Weren’t So Great