So I'm one of about three people who really enjoyed Castlevania: Curse of Darkness for the Playstation 2. It was pretty easy, pretty linear and pretty dull next to my personal Saviour, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, but I really liked hatching and evolving the Innocent Devils. I had dragons, a phoenix, a maggot-gnawed crow named Bonnie Brae and some kind of deity that looked like the product of a questionable encounter between an angel and a devil. I am okay with alternative Pokemon raising.
I was pretty excited when I heard Tokyopop is publishing a Curse of Darkness manga adaptation. I was even more excited when I landed a review copy. When I opened 'er up and was hit in the face by a red-headed lead boy named Ted, my excitement drained like a fratboy's bladder on a Sunday morning.
There are a lot of situations in this life that make us want to shake others and say, "Oh my God, why are you so stupid? Can't you see what's in front of you?" ::Smack.:: If God gave me the opportunity to do that to anyone in the world, I would make a bargain with Him (God loves cookies) and corral every single writer, producer and artist who ever stunk up a perfectly good property with a smart-mouthed kid.
The game Castlevania: Curse of Darkness is about a silver-haired bishonen boy who breeds devils to help him take revenge on Issac and/or Dracula for his dead wife/girlfriend/dog. Dracula, in response, says, "Oh no you did-n't girlfriend," and throws the forces of Hell at him.
Where does a kid factor into all of this?
Where does a red-headed, smart-alecky kid factor into all of this?
I know I should be whacked with a Hotwheels track for mentioning "Castlevania" alongside "historical accuracy" in the same sentence. Still, this "Ted" character talks back an awful lot to his elders in an era when boys and girls got whipped for forgetting their manners. What's more, they usually had to take their punishment under the mournful eyes of a carving of Jesus Christ suffering on the Cross for their sins.
Eff minus minus.
Related Links:
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Games to Film: Paul W.S. Anderson's Castlevania