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Growl, Snarl, Bark: Screw Attack's Top 10 Genesis Games

Posted by Nadia Oxford

Nothing instigates Holy Forum Wars like Top Ten Lists. I've seen them all; I've smelled the blood as it flowed across the text. Top Ten Toothpicks. Top Ten Clothes Pin Brands. Top Ten Dog Breeds (From one to ten: German Shepherd, Newfoundland, Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Pharaoh Hound, Corgi, American bulldog, Redbone Coon Hound, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Scottish Terrier, thine Mother, Ha ha ha).

Video game-related Top Tens generate the most fun through flaming bitchslaps and the subsequent weeping. Screw Attack, a site that normally never seeks cheap attention through tits and swears has put together a video collection of the Top Ten Genesis Games with the aid of tits and swears.

The list seems straightforward enough, though some boneheaded things are undoubtedly said. I never played Strider on the NES or Genesis, but I remember it being near and dear to the hearts of those I love. Did the NES version really, er, suck? That really wasn't the impression I got.

I also question Screw Attack's choice of Sonic game. I was blown away by the first Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic 2 perfected near-perfection. Sonic 3 made me aware that the formula was getting a bit old. And I've never, ever been a fan of Sonic 3's music. I know that Michael Jackson contributed to it. I'm not even going to go for the cheap child-diddling joke here. Heck, I grew up in an era (the '80s, far better than your era) where every kid worshiped Michael and wanted to be just like him. Wow, did we ever dodge a bullet. Still, Michael was going through, um, a transition by the mid-'90s and it didn't translate into any kind of video game music I enjoyed. When I listen to the digital equivalent of raindrops hitting an empty tin of beans, I demand the best.

There. I thought I was above Top Ten controversy and I went ahead and got myself sucked into a round of "Sonic 2 was better than Sonic 3, a-bloo-bloo-bloo." I can't wait for Screw Attack's next big project: The Top Ten Game Music Pieces. Ever.

Related Links:

Bionic Commando Is Love: The Bionic Commando Headquarters Top Ten Bionic Arm Uses
Top Ten Favorite Bosses part 1
The Ten Greatest Fire Levels in Gaming History


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Demaar said:

Your #1 pick of German Shepherd gives you a giant credibility boost in my eyes.

October 4, 2008 11:57 AM

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia's prized possession is a certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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