Can you feel it, dear reader? That slow vibration that pervades the air? That electric quality all around us here in the heart of August, where summer has started its easy descent into fall and the sun sits just a bit lower in the sky than it did only a few days ago? It means that Bionic Commando Rearmed is close. Very, very close.
Yes, Bionic Commando’s imminent release has clearly caused me to have some kind of psychotic break. It’s cool, though. I’m sure I’ll be fine come Thursday. In the meantime, I encourage all of you to share my obsession. A good place to get down with the sickness is the Bionic Commando Headquarters. As of twelve months ago, the BCHQ was the only real fan page on the internet. A peculiar little hole devoted to the NES game that started up in the late ‘90s, it’s received only occasional updates over the last eleven years, and has hosted just over four thousand viewers in that time. My favorite part of the Headquarters is the Top Ten Bionic Arm Uses. The list actually brings on more nostalgia than the game itself because it reads like something a sixth grader came up with. I suspect this is where the list actually has its roots. Here, see for yourself:
10.Use it to grab pencils that you drop in class that can't be reached with your foot.
9.Use it to grab a snack from the fridge while watching a ball game. You won't miss any plays again!
8.Broken swingset? No problemo! Just use your arm to swing.
7.Use it in basketball to block shots and slam dunk if you are vertically challenged! Also useful for other sports.
6.Use it to retrieve that frisbee that has been on the roof since 3rd grade.
5.Use it to stop thieves when they steal an old lady's purse.
4.Use it to land a role playing in a SpiderMan movie.
3.Use it to change TV channels when you can't find the remote.
2.Use it to save the world from a fascist dictator.
1.Show it to all the girls. Hear comments like "Oh it's sooooo long!".
Awesome. Head over to the headquarters and explore. You’ll get your Bionic Commando fix and an anthropological experience!
Related links:
Bionic Commando Arcade and BC: Elite Forces Are Only Good Because They Are Called Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed: T-Minus One Week
Emergency Rescue!! Super Joe!!
There is Nothing Funny About Bionic Commando Funny Books
Gone Vertical: Hands-On Bionic Commando
Bionic Commando Rearmed Delayed, 61FPS Breaks Stuff, Is Happy About Soundtrack
Going Vertical: How Capcom’s Developers Are Changing the Landscape of 3D Games