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The Hooksexup Film Blog
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Each month a new artist; each image a new angle. This month: Giovanni Cervantes.
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Almost everything you want.
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A San Francisco photographer on the eternal search for the girls of summer.
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Houston neighbors pull back the curtains and expose each other's lives.
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The creator of Supercult.com poses his pretty posse.
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  • I Will Defeat You, Altered Beast

    It took a while for the Sega Genesis to peel kids' grimy fingers off their NES controllers. The NES had Castlevania, Mega Man, Ninja Gaiden and its pantheon of Mario games. The Genesis had, well, Altered Beast.

    Every time I play Altered Beast, I use explicatives I never new existed in my inner dictionary. “F this game! F its mom! Grrr! No wonder nobody liked the Genesis until Sonic the Hedgehog!

    Kids, can you point out what's wrong with that previous paragraph? Hint: ”Every time I play Altered Beast...”

    I can't even give you a count of how many years I've been trying to beat Sega's classic. My efforts have doubled since I acquired Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection for the Xbox 360, but no dice. Incidentally, I have beaten the arcade version, also included on the Genesis Collection—but that's with the aid of unlimited and accessible continues. On my honour, I will finish Altered Beast on the Genesis with no cheats. This will surely please God more than contributing food or hours of boring volunteer services to the needy.

    Read More...


  • Namco, Why You Gotta Make Me Hit You: Sonic Co-Creator’s Unnecessary Pac-Man “Comeback”



    Namco has hired Hirokazu Yasuhara to create a new Pac-Man to celebrate the little yellow glutton’s 30th anniversary in 2010. Namco chief of operations Makoto Iwai told Gamasutra that they’re making the game as a comeback vehicle for Pac-Man, to try and make him a relevant icon in today’s game market. When it comes to making great character-based games, you can’t do much better than Yasuhara. Yuji Naka’s gotten most of the glory, but Yasuhara was the real brains behind Sonic the Hedgehog’s glory days. He acted as director for the original Sonic trilogy on Genesis, was lead designer for Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles, and headed up Sonic’s unfinished Saturn debut, Sonic Extreme. After leaving Sega, he joined Naughty Dog and acted as a designer for Jak 2 and 3 as well as Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune. That right there is a flawless pedigree, a veritable trail of excellence blazed across a decade and a half.

    Why in the hell has this man been hired to make Pac-Man relevant again when Pac-Man’s creator already did just that two years ago? Someone please tell me how it makes sense to hire one of the best platformer designers of all time to make a freaking Pac-Man game? History has shown that a Pac-Man platformer is a terrible, terrible idea. Oh, you don't remember?

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  • Chiptune Friday: Shut Up and Jam!

    Ah, December. Winter is settling across the land, it’s getting mighty cold out, and everyone is in that holiday spirit, which is to say, they are filled with spirits. You know it and I know it, everyone: the only thing that says December more than a fat man in a red suit is Charles Barkley. Sir Charles is well known for spreading cheer across the land, as a baller, a caller, and a guy who can, like Santa and King Ghidora, beat the ever loving crap out of Godzilla. Barkley also has a rich videogame history, starring in a number of his own titles. Barkley Shut Up and Jam, a vintage piece of multiplatform goodness from 1994, may seem like a crappy NBA Jam clone, but NBA Jam could never compete with Shut Up and Jam on one court: the court of jams.

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  • The Untold Story of Sega Killing Their Own Hardware Business

    It’s been a straight up Sega love fest here lately. Not sure what it is about this first week of November, but for some strange reason I’ve simply had blast processing on the brain. I didn’t even realize it until reading Ars Technica’s retrospective, but the love in is appropriately timed; the Sega Mega Drive, our beloved Genesis, just turned twenty years old. While the Super Nintendo was my only true 16-bit love, the Genesis and I had our fair share of good times as well. Now, I’ve always understood it that Sega’s failure as a hardware manufacturer was a direct result of overextension, squandering the good will and widespread success they had with the Genesis in North America, Europe, and even South America by way of releasing too many expensive add-ons for the system that no one wanted or understood. The finicky Saturn hardware, stealthily released at an astronomical price point with too few games, and the Dreamcast’s inability to compete with Playstation 2 certainly didn’t help, but the real beginning of the end was the massive amounts of money poured into the Sega CD, 32-X, and the many different combinations of the two sold alongside good ol’ Genny. But, according to Technica, flooding the hardware market wasn’t the whole reason behind Sega’s fall from grace. According to the article, Sega of Japan shot themselves in the foot, promptly cutting off all support for the Genesis in 1995 after the Saturn launched because of sour grapes over the system’s failure in Japan and success in America.

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  • Growl, Snarl, Bark: Screw Attack's Top 10 Genesis Games

    Nothing instigates Holy Forum Wars like Top Ten Lists. I've seen them all; I've smelled the blood as it flowed across the text. Top Ten Toothpicks. Top Ten Clothes Pin Brands. Top Ten Dog Breeds (From one to ten: German Shepherd, Newfoundland, Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Pharaoh Hound, Corgi, American bulldog, Redbone Coon Hound, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Scottish Terrier, thine Mother, Ha ha ha).

    Video game-related Top Tens generate the most fun through flaming bitchslaps and the subsequent weeping. Screw Attack, a site that normally never seeks cheap attention through tits and swears has put together a video collection of the Top Ten Genesis Games with the aid of tits and swears.

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  • Alternate Soundtrack: Altered Beast vs. Natalie Portman's Shaved Head

    Altered Beast tells the story of a Centurian raised from the dead to rescue Athena from blahblahblah whatever. Altered Beast was an arcade beat 'em up from Sega in the 1980's, back when stories in video games existed but really served no purpose. Why did Donkey Kong kidnap Mario's girlfriend? Who cares? Climb to the top of the tower! And since when are Sega games known for their stories? Sonic the Hedgehog has a story, but all you care about is running real fast. NiGHTS has a story, but all you care about is flying around in circles. Crazy Taxi probably has a story, but it's even less important than the one in Sonic.

    In Altered Beast, you are a dude in a tunic who beats up zombie monsters. You collect power-ups which first transform you into an oiled-up beefcake of homoerotic manliness and then into one of several powerful man-beasts.

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  • Fifty-Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right

    It’s hard to overstate our love for Kurt Kalata’s Hardcore Gaming 101. Every time HG101 runs a new series retrospective, it makes me punch myself directly in the forehead while wondering either a) why didn’t I think of this or b) why have I never heard of this game before? Option b was the dominant thought while I was checking out the most recent update. HG101 contributor Jave has a look at the unlicensed Genesis and NES monstrosities known as Action 52. I’ve never heard of Active Enterprises’ Frankenstein Monsters before reading the piece, but now it’s a moral imperative I seek them out. Unlike the myriad bootleg NES and Genny game cartridges that jammed variable numbers of existing games into a single package, Action 52 is a collection of fifty-two originals, all of them apparently awful.

    The retrospective is a great read on its own but particularly interesting is the theory Jave floats in his introduction: terrible games lead to good games.

    Read More...


  • Alternate Soundtrack: Streets of Rage 2 vs. Test Icicles

    The city that had been plagued with crime and violence was safe and peaceful.
    However, evil has once again cast its shadow over the city.


    So begins a Sega classic.

    In the 1990's, it seemed like all console games were desperately trying to ape one of three games. All platform games tried to be Super Mario Brothers. All fighting games tried to be Street Fighter II. All beat 'em up games tried to be Streets of Rage. And like all 1990's games, the story in Streets of Rage was present but completely unimportant. You chose a character, walked towards the right side of the screen, and beat up anybody who stood in your path. Pleasures don't get much simpler than this.

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  • The Chrono Trigger Port: Are You Excited or Disappointed?

    Though the 16-bit console wars were savage in the early '90s, the end was in sight by 1995 and the Super Nintendo was crowned the obvious winner.

    (Except by pouty Genesis fanboys who feebly compared Phantasy Star IV to Final Fantasy VI. I mean, it's a good try, but...nah.)

    The Genesis was panting and dry-heaving at the finish line, but the Super Nintendo barely broke a sweat. In fact, it looked healthier than ever thanks to an injection of A+ games at the end of its life. One such title was Chrono Trigger, a now-legendary RPG by Square(-Enix). We should all hope for the dignified hero's death that the Super Nintendo recieved thanks to Chrono Trigger's legacy.

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  • Don’t Call It Retro: Mega Man 9 and Design Resurrection

    As 61 Frames Per Second’s newest team member Nadia pointed out earlier today, Mega Man 9 is a reality. Revitalizations of long-dormant franchises have been a mainstay in the gaming business since the Playstation 1-era, trading on nostalgia and brand recognition to push new designs. But the past few years have seen a growing trend of proper numerical sequels releasing a decade or more after their predecessors. Games like WayForward and Konami’s Contra 4 and Taito’s Legend of Kage 2 are not only sequels in name; play in these games is built on the same archaic fundamentals as their ancestors. Both Kage 2 and Contra 4’s only real advancements are slight visual upgrades and mechanical tweaks (both games, being designed for the Nintendo DS, introduce skills that necessitate play on both the system’s screens.) Mega Man 9, however, is unique. It is being made using the exact same tools and in the same style as it was twenty years ago.

    The decision to build Mega Man 9 as an NES game is not mere retro pandering. Series creator Keiji Inafune has said numerous times that he’s kept making (and remaking) 2D Mega Man games (alongside teams like Inticreates, the team helming 9’s development) because it’s important to continue refining and rediscovering what made a simple design successful in the first place. With the freedom offered by digital distribution venues like WiiWare, creators like Inafune no longer need to ensure their games will be modern enough to succeed on store shelves. They can also utilize outmoded hardware, like the NES, to make their games.

    Read More...


  • Up All Night: Ex-Mutants

    Mmm, yes. Licensed games. One of the true go-to places for trashy goodness, especially during the halcyon days of 8 and 16-bit. You never had to look farther than whatever movie was coming out to get an idea of just how many shitty platformers would be released in any given month. I’m not even talking big name action stuff. I’m talking about Home Improvement. Cool World. Bebe’s Kids. Comic book games, however, have always been more of a tributary of the licensed-game shitriver as opposed to part of its central flow; the overwhelming majority of them are terrible but there are many that are perfectly playable, fun games. One of the Genesis’ most visually stunning games was 1993’s X-Men, a prime example of a license put to good use.



    1992’s Ex-Mutants, today’s dollop of joy here on Up All Night, is the exact opposite. It’s an awful license – if you too were fooled by the clever name, Ex-Mutants was a mid-‘80s rip off of the X-Men – used to make a bad platforming action game.

    Read More...



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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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