Posted by Bob Mackey
Earthbound may be one of the most heartwarming and beloved RPGs out there, but beneath its seemingly innocent surface beats the pitch-black heart of the devil. Thanks to a friend who pointed me in the direction of this EDGE article, I'll think twice the next time I invite Earthbound into my apartment and/or bedroom.
So why, pray tell, is Earthbound so evil? To be fair, the game's dark nature only exposes itself to those who would dare bootleg--and they probably deserve it. Essentially, Earthbound does a series of checks throughout the game to make sure you're playing on a legit cart. But if you've purchased yours on the cheap from a sleazy bootlegger, well--maybe I should let this video explain the rest. Obvious spoilers for anyone who hasn't made it to the end of Earthbound:
You've gotta admit, there's no revenge better than that when it comes to video game pirates. It kind of makes me wonder why companies don't secretly "leak" copies of their games to the Internet that would do irreparable harm to the computers of would-be pirates. It could be something as simple as a hard drive wipe, or complex as the polygonal head of Ken Levine levitating around your desktop, screaming at you while exploding icons with his laser eyes. Gentlemen, you can only fight piracy with creativity.
Of course, this would only cause the pirates to fight back harder, but someone's gotta win this war of attrition.
Related Links:
Whatcha Listening To: The Earthbound Soundtrack
Earthbound and Back Again
Entitled PC Gamers Whine about Rights
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About Bob Mackey
For a brief period of time I was Bull from TV's
Night Court, but some of you may know me from the humor column I wrote for Youngstown State University's The Jambar, Kent State University's The Stater, and Youngstown's alternative newspaper, The Walruss. I'm perhaps most well-known for my bi-weekly pieces on Something Awful. I've also blogged for Valley24.com and have written articles for EGM, 1UP, GameSpite and Cracked. For all of my writing over the years, I have made a total of twenty American dollars. It's also said that I draw cartoons, which people have described with words such as "legible." I kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby and am looking to do so again in the future.
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